Why???

[harrys mummy]

Hi everyone, I hope you all enjoyed christmas, I wish I had of more as it was my 10mth old sons first.

Long story I hope you can take the time to have a read,

I've suffered with anxiety mostly health related as long as I can remember but also a massive fear of going insane, losing my mind and everything falling round around me! I had a really awful time about 11 years ago I don't know what started it or why it happened but I was in an awful place for mths didn't want to be alone but didn't want to be with people I think your probably know the one! I eventually got help and have been on paroxitine ever since.

I some how got on with my life and was doing well still having panic attacks and anxiety but managing until around 4 years ago I came off all contriception and started to suffer terribly with PMT, 2 weeks before a period I was terrible crying my eyes out going insane, I knew what it was but my brain wouldn't accept it! Back on the pill and propanolo it settled down.

Since then I got married 3 years ago and have a beautiful baby, but I must point out my husband looks after our son I could never be a full time mum.

Ever since the PMT issues I have these odd times when its so hard to explain but my brain remembers all the horrid things I have put to the back of my mind, it makes me feel so low, I can't explain how I feel really, odd, so scarred its goning to come back full blow one day, I want to cry my eyes out!

I also have issues with my mum, we've never been close and she was awful when I was at my worst all those years ago, she has suffered with panic herself, quite recently and wanted to lean on me but I can't let her it brings back to meny memories for me! She gets on my nerves but my baby loves her so can't avoid it!!

Thanks for listening xx

[wazza]

i reckon that, in common with lots of people on here, me included, the biggest fear is the fear of getting bad again. I read something online today which i found interesting called Nothing Works. there is a link to it on the thread by em.ma - dilema. It will only come back if you let it. hope this makes sense. Enjoy your baby = they grow up too fast, mine is 20 now!!!!

[Angelai]

It's wierd reading your post harry's mummy - because I have been pmt this past week myself and the last couple of days and nights I have been going over past hurts a LOT. You know, bad experiences, sad times, etc. just ruminating more than even I usually do lol. I'm not sure this happens in a cycle with my periods, just at odd times like you, but I've been getting like this more and more since my hormones started playing me up more - so these hormones have a lot to answer for.

As wazza says, enjoy your baby - mine is nearly 16 already (he can't be mine, I'm not old enough surely?!). Also, put yourself and your baby first - mum can wait. You have your own family now.

xx