I feel so belittled

[Sparkle1984]

I've just got back from a new year's party. There were 4 of us in our group - me, my friend, my friend's work colleague, and the colleague's husband.

Before we walked to the party, we all had something to eat and drink. I told my friend that I can't have alcohol due to my medication, so I'd be having soft drinks all night. I'd told her this a couple of months ago when I last went on a night out with her, but she had forgotten so she asked me what the tablets are for. I felt uneasy answering that in front of my friend's friend (work colleague) and her husband, but anyway I told the truth and said anxiety.

Then my friend said she's glad she's not on these tablets (I know she likes drinking a lot). Then my friend's friend butted in and said that she wouldn't want to take them either. I thought that's all well and good for her - she's not the one who had to suffer constant intrusive thoughts. Then the friend's friend said that whenever she feels bad, she just deals with it. So I replied that I'm hoping to come off the medication in 2013 as I've learnt lots of coping techniques, and that I'll be seeing my doctor again in a month's time to discuss this. But then my friend's friend said "oh, doctors prescribe these tablets to anyone regardless of whether people actually need them!"

That comment really hurt me - it felt as if my friend's friend was implying that this isn't a real illness, or that I didn't really need the help I've been receiving. She doesn't even know me that well, and she hardly takes any notice of me, yet somehow she's an expert on my medical needs! My own friend didn't really back me up, but I don't think she really understands anxiety. So then I said to this girl "i did really need the tablets as I was in a really bad way." As I reached the end of that sentence, I felt my voice starting to crack up a bit. She didn't say any more and there was an awkward silence. No apology or anything!

I then felt scared that I was going to have a panic attack in front of this girl and that she'd think I am crazy. I kept feeling like I was going to burst into tears, and a couple of waves of nausea shot through me. I felt tense and jittery - I tried to distract myself by looking at my phone, and I didn't want anyone to see my face in case they noticed I was upset.

Thankfully I made it through the night, and even though this girl's comments kept playing on my mind, I still managed to enjoy myself.

Was this girl being insensitive or do you think I misunderstood her comments? I don't understand why she butt in in the first

---------- Post added at 02:38 ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 ----------

Sorry, the last sentence should end with "in the first place." Phone playing up!

[swgrl09]

I never know how to handle it when people ask ... I felt awkward enough talking to my immediate family about it even though I knew they had been on meds too.

It must have been really hard for you but good for you for getting through and sticking it out. Also good for you for being honest and open about what you have been through. Not all of us are that brave!

Honestly, when I read your post, I interpreted her statement on doctors prescribing them as possibly an attempt to make you feel less embarrassed? Does that make sense? Like to make it seem like less of a big deal that you are on anxiety meds by minimizing it ... I didn't read it as anything malicious. But I could be wrong too, I didn't hear her tone of voice when saying it.

Like I said, you did an awesome job being brave and opening up about it. I don't have that courage yet even though meds have helped me a lot. I still shy away from telling people, especially those who I am not close to.

[rubymolloy]

oh darlin...i was just going to post on here about insensitivity in other people too. .when i just saw your post.
it can and does feel so bloody lonesome sometimes, and over this 'festive' period it seems to make me feel worse.
i too wished for a hole to swallow me up tonight, for different yet similar reasons....
we are not alone, at least we have each other
people just dont think before they speak....im seriously considering becoming a recluse to avoid all the pain i have to endure each time i try to mix....i semi-jest....
take good care of you...i care that you feel hurt, i really do....im playing maj jong in an attempt to stop my repetative thoughts!!! i MUST be crazy!! lol, the game is an insult to my intelligence lol....xxxx

---------- Post added at 02:51 ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 ----------

ps, well done keeping it together! xxx

[Jojo1603]

Hi there and happy new year to you- I just wanted to add to
Your post as I feel strongly about this - I've had insensitive comments from people over the years but before I got ill I had no clue had debiliting depression/anxiety/Panic is so if I can take a positive out Of my situation is that it has taught me empathy , respect for other peoples problems and kindness - you r trying your best to get better by taking meds that's your decision others should respect that and keep there opinions to themselves - don't allow yourself to take these people's comments as 'baggage' and question yourself - start 2013 pOstively - all the best

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello Sparkle

I'm so sorry that you've been left feeling like this hun.

I too have had some very insensitive things said to me in the past about depression anxiety and panic.

I have 3 options of thought on it...

1) Maybe they feel embarrassed and just don't know what to say.

2) They're frightened of these conditions and feel more comfortable imagining that they don't really exist.

3) That they just don't understand these things because they're fortunate enough to have never suffered so because of that, they choose not to even try and understand it.

Or it could be a mixture of all 3 to be honest.

I very soon found out who my "real" friends were when, unfortunately, I suffered severe post natal depression following the birth of my Daughter way back in 1984. I had to be admitted to hospital as I was very unwell and I spent 7 weeks in there. When I came out and was trying to get my life back on track, these so called "friends" that I thought I had, just chose to completely ignore me, like I no longer existed, I'll never in all my life forget how that made me feel..........I felt like I was some sort of raving maniac or something.

Most times it's purely a lack of understanding, these people are scared because they just don't understand. Thankfully times are getting better, it's not all swept under the carpet so much now.

So don't feel belittled hun It's just she doesn't really understand.

Mental illness, no matter what form it takes, is nothing to ever feel ashamed or embarrassed by. It's an illness like any other, it's just it takes the form of a psychological rather than a physical illness.

There is also nothing whatsoever wrong with taking medication either. It's like I say to everyone, if you had a bout of tonsillitis you would go to the doctor and you would take antibiotics so what's the difference?? So long as they help you it just doesn't matter, they are helping you with your illness the same way that an antibiotic would

Please don't let her comment get on top of you hun

Sending you hugs

[katz41]

sparkle you were brave to tell people about your anxiety, i only have 1 close friend who knows i suffer with it, i would never tell my work colleagues as they are a bunch of bitches and would never understand and are the least tolerant people on the planet, which is why im looking around for another job - i took the job thinking it would be less stressful and have less impact on my anxiety, how wrong i was, its made it as bad as it has ever been and i am now on propanolol as well as the anxiety has reached epic levels..:(
sad but true
well done you for trying to explain it to these people who would appear to have little or no understanding of anxiety, you know whats important to you, and i hope you feel better about things soon
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
katz

[Gotagetthroughthis]

People like that really annoy me. They "just deal with it". They have no idea unless they have been through this sort of thing. Many people will never experience the levels of anxiety that we go to where you feel there is no other possible way out other than medication. If you haven't experienced it then you don't understand it and you just think anxiety is like worrying about paying your bills or that you have a job interview, when infant it is this worry and more times a thousand. So I do understand why people act like this.

I was myself like this before and never understood when people talked about anxiety or depression but now I understand. Im not feeling sorry for us, but sadly for us and luckily for them we think a little differently through no fault of our own and this causes our anxiety issues. But the issues are very real.

[Arnie365]

Hi sparkle

So sorry this upset you. I agree you we're very brave to tell her. I've only told my wife and mum about it. I put a very brave face on things at work and nobody else has any idea which is so hard and probably not helping because I bottle it up in the day for release in the evening when I am worse.

I have to make a confession though at this point. This friends friend sounds a lot like I used to think before I got anxiety.

There have been a lot of people in both mine and my wife family who have had anxiety and depression. I was very arrogant about it as none of the things they were depressed about were 'serious' issues. The number of times I use to say (to myself no them!) oh for gods sake snap out of it. You have nothing real to worry about.

I just didnt understand the illness and it was pure ignorance nothing more.

In a strange kind of way I think having to go through this myself is making me a better person. My wife's mum still suffers from anxiety and depression and I've found I've gotten so much closer to her over the past few months than ever before because I understand her daily torment.

Cheer up Hun we all understand what you are going through sadly until you've lived it you have no idea what it's like x

[Tessar]

Hey Sparkle - you were amazing. Very brave & didnt hide anything. It takes guts to do that & if the people you tell cant handle it, well that's their problem. I remember many years ago one of my longest ever friends sending me a letter to say that she was taking anti-depressants. She was really worries about what everyone thought & I wonder if that's why she told me by letter. What was important then is that it really didnt matter to me in the slightest. She was still my friend (and always will be).
What I couldnt possibly have known then is that just two years later I'd be deeply depressed & doing CBT & on medication as well. I've never had a problem when people have had psychological issues or any issues in fact or disabilities etc. To me people have always been just that, people. In any aspect of life I've never understood why some people just cant accept others as they are. But now that I'm more experienced in life & have had my eyes opened to quite a few things, I can see that not everyone can cope with the fear of others being different. Or perhaps moreso it's a fear that they themselves are the ones who are different & they'd be too scared to admit it ever - because unlike you.... they havent got the courage.
I have had issues with taking the medication because in the same way I've felt that "it's not a real illness" or "I shouldnt need to & that I've failed". But thats just crap. Really it is. If someone has a headache, they take painkillers. Or like me recently - you have toothache ... so ... I took painkillers. The meds are just the same. They are helpful & allow your body and mind time to deal with what is going on. Its possible that the girl was just trying to make conversation because she was nervous & got it wrong or something. Perhaps bigging herself up in front of the others. Either way it doesnt matter really I have alot of respect for your achievement last night because you still enjoyed yourself.
For you to have all this happen last night but still enjoy yourself is a credit to your strength. When you're in that situation that you feel like the tears are about to come (let alone panic) then its a horrible feeling. Each time you endure something like this, it makes you stronger. People who havent had to contend with these situations dont have the same inner strength as you do.
Finally I would say that although it would be reassuring to know what was going through the others minds about this or what their motives were, that's something that doesnt matter. You are you, Sparkle. That's what matters. So what if you have some issues? You can decide when the time is right to reduce your meds, when YOU are ready. I used to get tied up in mindreading, wanting to know why people said or did things. It became way too important to me. Since I've just tried to be myself & not go too deeply into others thoughts & motives, I have become more free & relaxed. I still find myself wondering what they might be thinking but it's more of a fleeting feeling now that I notice but dont dwell on. I feel you too can make changes because you've already proven that, especially last night. Here's to a positive 2013 for you during which you can continue to build on the achievements you have already made.

[Magic]

Oh Sparkle,
So glad you got through the night.not nice. insensitive person.not you.
Arnie it is a torment as you say.