So fed up with anxious feelings.

[purplepie]

Hi All

I thought I may be on the road to recovery, after three years of no work, I got myself a small part time job and started getting back a little more confidence and although I still feel low and anxious pre menstrually, I try not to beat myself up about that and allow that I won't feel great at those times. The past coupld of weeks, I have felt low and have a constant background anxiousness. That feeling of not being quite with it or being able to concentrate, not being able to fully relax in company etc.
My dad has had some small strokes recently so I have been doing a lot of the driving for my family as well as the small job and I know it has been Christmas and New year and winter always makes me feel low.
Also for some reason when I get these feelings I miss my ex boyfriend so much, we were together 10 years and have a lot of lovely memories. Even though I have a new boyfriend ( for nearly a year now) and I he is much more understanding to my ways, I sometimes feel like my heart is being ripped out with heartache for the experiences I shared with my ex.

I am so tired of not feeling consistent from day to day, one minute I feel on the up, but when anxious feelings and a tight chest creep in, I could cry and feel hopeless.

I have been on 35mg of clomipramine for 21 weeks and prior to that was on 140mg lofepramine for a year which was so so but not great. I have tried sert and fluox inbetween but I can't tolerate ssri's.

Any wise words or advice from fellow nmp members.

purplepie xx

[Arnie365]

Did you have anxiety when you were with your ex? It's just that it sounds you are looking back to happier times and good memories you shared. If so it might not be about your ex at all but just your yearning for better times and your mind is making this link.

[Baggs]

Hi Purplepie,
I feel for you. I have tried a lot of meds with varying results. I am now on Duloxetine which is working for me and I am sticking with forever. It's an SNRI, I don't know if you could tolerate them. I wish you all the best.

Baggs

[Col]

Hope your dads ok. Agree with Arnie. Don't be too hard on yourself because it's that time of year, cold, Xmas & a busy time , so it might just be down to all this. Slow down a bit & try not to dwell on how you feel , it will pass. Ahh 10 years is a long time but, like Arnie says , you might simply be yearning for happier times & the last time you were totally happy we're times with your ex & that's why your thinking off him. Things will get better, have you tried taking herbal remedies? A hobby might be good - you time

[purplepie]

Thanks for the kind words all. I did have anxiety with my ex, that's probably one of the reasons that we split, he could never understand how I felt, I lived away from my family and if anyone had any weakness/illness my ex wasn't one to take care of you. He was more stand alone and so can you. It makes him sound heartless, but he wasn't, we had lovely times, he is just who he is and I wanted a little more commitment. I started with panic/anxiety when I met my ex and split with my husband and although all that is in the past, the anxiety stayed and my emotions from lack of commitment and never knowing what my ex wanted out of life finally got me down to exhaustion and turned into very very high anxiety, no sleep, daily dry retching, horrible thoughts. A year on I am much better but those days of anxiousness bring back those awful memories of how bad I really was and when in that mindset, I find it so hard to shake it off.

The tablets I am on now are doing ok and I am reluctant to change again, I hate being on them anyway. I am a nervous person anyway and I know I have to allow for that. As the Doc says it's a shame we couldn't have a tick list at birth of all the qualities we would like for ourselves, confidence, inteligence, height weight etc but we don't and you have to allow for the things your not and be proud of what you are. Easier said than done sometimes.

I am so glad I found this site. Everyone is so helpful and supportive.

I do have a couple of hobbies, but when low mood and anxiety strike, nothing brings relief.

purplepie