Something happened just now that makes me realise what crap I have put up with in my life and am still putting up with at times. Whilst I havent allowed myself to be bullied since I completed CBT several years ago, I have made a realisation today that's quite an eye opener for me as I continue to "heal" from my past. OK, so I might not be letting myself get bullied anymore but I have realised I'm still allowing myself to be walked over to some extent by some people.
The simple thing was ...... a colleague offered me a cup of coffee. I prefer coffee from a machine we have in the office. When I said to him how I'd like him to make it, he couldnt be bothered. He offered me instant or nothing. The reason he irritated me is I've made him countless cups of coffee using machine & always made it was "the way he likes". That's be cause I'm considerate. He really touched a nerve. In an open plan office I couldnt say what I wanted to - "either you get off your ar$e & make me that drink the way I've asked, or you can forget me ever bothering to make you anything other than instant, you lazy g1t".
OK, not a big thing but at last it's made me see I do still let people take advantage. He's not a bad person but can be lazy & I've seen him dump on others in the office. Finally it makes me realise I dont have to put up with his crap or the crap of anyone else who in small ways tries to dump on me. I wont let this change my nature - I'll still be kind & considerate person but I can see (at last) I do still try to "make people like me" (even if I dont realise I'm doing it). I put up (here & there) with crap like this. I had to post to make sure I dont forget this new lesson in life for me.
I need to remember:
- I dont need people like him.
- I can quite happily live without his approval.
- I dont need to please him ever.
I do find it very difficult to shut off towards people or not do nice things for them (to go that extra mile). But I need to see what it is doing to me. Ages ago a colleague told me not to let them take advantage (exactly in this way). So at last I now realise I have nothing to lose from not nurturing a relationship with him or other people like him. Instead, I'll save that "little bit extra" for people who do show kindness towards me & do those little things that make the difference. It was such a simple thing that happened but such an important realisation. It's highlighted to me that I am still making efforts to please people when really I dont need to. This includes those who don't bother show the same levels kindness or even consideration back towards me.