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Thread: Employee Notice For Old People

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    1,508

    Employee Notice For Old People





    Due to the current financial catastrophe caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Cameron Administration has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs promised in an attempt to reduce unemployment.



    This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).



    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFTprogram (Special Help After Forced Termination).



    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).



    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.



    Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) orHERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).



    Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.



    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give it's citizens.



    Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.



    Sincerely,
    The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

    PS - Due to the foreseeable budget cuts and the inevitable rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as the declining market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off for at least the next seven years.



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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    2,587

    Re: Employee Notice For Old People

    Is this true?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    2,193

    Re: Employee Notice For Old People

    Quote Originally Posted by ElizabethJane View Post
    Is this true?
    Knowing this government, it may as well be true!

    I have actually heard a variation of this joke several years ago though - they used to have a poster of it at my Mum's old office.
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