I want someone who has been where I am to help me

[MidnightCalm]

I have tried everything. I have tried helping myself, self help, research, trying different things, listening to family and friends who say "just do stuff", "only you can help yourself" and me just failing every time and now I'm agoraphobic to the point I don't even leave the house at all, the thought actually makes me feel like I'm dying within seconds. I do not necessarily have anxiety all day 24/7 but even stil lbeing in the house I have the symptoms 24/7 and I'm debilitated most of the time, I find myself breathless and sweating a lot through the day, even my mum coming into my bedroom to talk to me makes me get horrible symptoms, just the thought of something that could happen in a year or something does it.
I can watch tv and they will be high up and I will think about it and get feeling sick, vertigo, weak legs, strange head, sweating.
The Dr prescribed me medication, she said try this, try that, but its like I have tried it before, it is pointless, whaat you are telling me I KNOW isnt going to help.
Then I finally got CBT and she told me that meds were pointless, so who is making sense! Gr. :/
I didnt feel she helped me, she told me all I know, I've had this for ages they forget, I know it all, fight or flight, why body parts do what they do. What nobody can answer is why I still feel this bad all the time (physically) even if I'm not mentally that bad.
CBT stopped because I just decided I didn't want it, I didn't get anywhere and didn't see myself getting anywhere. It's not my attitude towards this that stops me, I actually know that if I try to walk to the shop (this is what the cbt woman said) and think "I'm fine" when these feelings happen what will happen because I've done that for 2 years, all this trying wth the same outcome. I've tried just clearing my mind and walking there, same symptoms.
I think about going out, symptoms happen.
My life is a mess, I hate being alone but I love it, I get myself drunk just to see friends when they come over because otherwise I would be so anxious I would cancel and feel ill and drink anyway because it helps.
I need someone who has been where I am to help me, not somebody who is educated in it but never experienced it. Telling me what I am thinking but can't answer the questions that scare me the most thus prolonging my suffering.
This sounds so weird now I read back but I don't know where to turn. I feel like there is nothing that can help me.
I need a way.
I need my life back.
I thought I was bad a year ago but I was at least going around the block where I lived and kind of enjoying the summer. I used to cry all the time cos I was bad and look at me now, I go nowhere and am at least 5x worse in the symptoms department :(

[diane07]

You remind me of me in the past.

Take heed! you can and will get your life back, i have recovered from agoraphobia, so don't ever ever lose hope or think it can't be done............because it can, so much so that i can't ever believe i was agoraphobic in the first place.

Di xx

[AuntieMoosie]

I'm sorry that you're having a real hard time right now hun.

But as diane has said, never give up

I have been agoraphobic since 2004 and I was 100% housebound, I could never go anywhere without having panic attacks.

When I was seeing a CBT therapist, it didn't work for me either, I don't really know why, maybe I was just not ready at that point but I had no success with it.

However, the good news is that I'm now doing the CBT4PANIC via this site and I'm having steady progress with it I have been able to attend appointments which I never would have been able to do before I started this. I highly recommend this programme, it's very easy to follow and to put into practice, you're under no pressure so you can do it in your own time and, for me, best of all is that you can do it from home

I so know exactly how you're feeling though, it's utterly depressing and heartbreaking when you loose a huge part of your life like that, I, too, thought just like you, that I would never find anything to really help me, but I have, it took me a while but I've found it

I would also like to say that anti depressants and other medications have proved helpful to me too, I see nothing wrong in doing the 2 hand in hand, it does work

I have been where you are and I'm partly still where you are as I've still got lots of work to do yet, but there is always something that will help, so please don't give up

[MidnightCalm]

Thank you, agoraphobia is the worst isn't it. I want a normal life, people just leave because they can't handle that I am ALWAYS inside. And I just seem to be getting worse :( I can hardly even speak to people now, I hate to even answer the phone.

[Pinktel]

You can and will get over this because there is no mystical reason why you are feeling the way you feel, anxiety is becoming more and more understood but unfortunately there are no quick and easy fixes for many of us.

I would suggest the do it yourself CBT as sometimes working through it with a therapist may be hard as they can try to push the pace. This can cause us to set ourselves up to fail and further erode our very limited confidence in our own abilities. Perhaps look at the online CBT offered through this website?

I have had agoraphobia on and off for 20 years. The worst time was shortly after the birth of my first child. I struggled walking out the back door into the garden.

Pick off one small task - for example - your mum coming to talk to you. Explain how you are feeling when this happens. Ask for her help. Ask her to come to talk to you, explain that she needs to remain calm, that you may have a panic attack infront of her, or be anxious and agitated but that she should stay with you until you feel a little calmer. If it is disastrous, then try the next day, then the next, until you can calmly accept being in her company. It doesn't matter how long each little thing takes, the main thing is that you are trying at your own pace.

Then try to go in your garden. Or stand by your back door. Don't even try the next step of walking out of your front door, until you have mastered these first. I read somewhere it can take around 15 positive exposures with no anxiety at all before the brain begins to relearn how to behave in any given circumstance.

We are all masters here at practising being anxious, we have it down to a fine art and our brains have naturally assumed this is the correct way to be because it's our brain's job to keep us alive and safe and protected. We keep ordering up these fearful feelings and the brain responds by giving us the adrenaline etc that we need and the dreadful need to escape whatever we are doing/wherever we are, so of course the very next time we are in the same situation our poor brains are going to be screaming at us again to GET OUT of this scenario cos this is BAD you are not safe...

You know all this, and that is the first step. That is why you will be able to cope with your mum coming and sitting with you, or walking to the back door, or stepping out of your front door. You will find the strength to do this, little by little. It has to be baby steps as you are retraining something fundamental back into your brain. Slowly does it and I am sure you will start having small steps forward.