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Thread: My story. Need some advice.

  1. #1

    My story. Need some advice.

    I might as well introduce me here since im new here. Im a 29 years old guy. Let me tell you a bit of my story. I have never really been diagnosed with social anxiety by a doctor. But i found out this myself when i was around 15 by reading the symptoms on the internet. Ever since then i have hiding this from everyone. I was very quiet and shy as a child. I grew up with a younger sister. And i was the controlling one. Always told her what she was allowed to do and not to do. I was always making sure she followed the orders.

    We fought all the time. Also ever since i was a child i did not like people or family looking at me. Even at the dinner table i was putting cornflakes packets in front of me on the table so that no one could see me. My father and grandfather were also quiet persons but always had a lot of friends around. I have always have a few close friends during my life. But in school i was shy and quiet in the class. I was good at sports and i had humor.

    I was kind of the joker in the class and a popular kid in school even if i was not the loudest one and kept myself in the backround. The biggest problems social anxiety has kept me away from is advancing in career opportunities and forming intimate relationships with girls. Also getting to know new friends more in close. I have never had any problems with making an initial first good impression. But when i want to know someone more deeper i become insecure. I have always got attention from girls and my friends still wonder how i can be single.

    Since they see me as a funny, creative, open minded and positive guy. I have only been out to a few dates. I get a lot of attention from girls in general but i do not like this. Probably that i get stiff and self centered when people are trying to get close to me. This social anxiety later led me into periods of depression mainly because of lack of relationships with girls. Now i am 29 years old and my longest relationship lasted 5 months. I have imploded with feelings and cant feel any emotions.

    I have issues trusting people and i get paranoid and think people wants to use me. Now i see my friends having all kinds of relationships with girls and i am the one who is staying in the same place. I live in a paradox. I can get what i need for me to feel better but my toughs beliefs are in the way. I have never had any problems to get girls interested. It is just that i cant finish it. Asking out for a date etc. I get too self centered. People think im egoistic and only care about myself. That im arrogant and a bad listener. I get so self centered.

    Im very self critical and i have always had a "all or nothing" thinking. About everything. I have the classic symptoms of thinking of what to say weeks before a meeting. Or after i have met new people i always come up with things i should have said. I get blank in my head. Alcohol helps me a bit during the weekends. I am chilled out and able to focus on people and what they say. Not about how i look, what i think etc.

    This social anxiety led me to depression and which led me to a kind of narcissistic, depressive social anxiety. All mixed together. I even think i have OCD and ADD symptoms. I have started seeing a psychologist now but so far im not sure if it has helped yet. have not tired any medication.

    One safety behaviour i have always used with social anxiety is that when i walk around in public in the streets or in shopping malls or where people can see me i imagine myself being someone famous or someone of higher authority to manage the eye contact or my paranoia that people are staring at me. This is a safety behaviour in my head that always gets turned on. Im not sure if anyone else can relate to my story here.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    2,018

    Re: My story. Need some advice.

    Hiya

    I built up a lot of fears and issues too. In the end there was a tipping point where I forced myself to push through it regardless and go on some dates.
    I met someone and tried to develop strategies to improve the way I felt and build more confidence. I used nlp. Visualised her in funny ways that took much of the fear of her away. Tried to see us as the same in some ways. Practiced empathising for her to stop me being so self absorbed.
    These things all worked over time and I've improved a lot.

    I think maybe you need to do the same. You describe some aspects of yourself, like with me, that aren't ideal in a relationship. I think only from getting into a relationship can you analyse and replace them and ultimately change.
    It's hard. It's stressful and painful. But it's best dealing with the reality of the relationship than the one you create in your imagination.

    I'm also just like you. Never liked people looking at me. I don't like being overheard. Shy with my own family members.

    Replace your narcissism etc with empathy. Maybe she feels nervous. Maybe she has had painful experiences. Feel for her. Try and be something positive for her. All the time you're thinking this you're not thinking about you. And all the time you're working through these things in reality you're building up experience and confidence.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    1,005

    Re: My story. Need some advice.

    Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help as I have. I wish you all the best.

    Baggs

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