Counselling

[lass]

I had my 2nd session of counselling today, and I'm feeling quite disillusioned at the moment.

My 1st session has consisted of the counsellor firing lots of questions at me, me answering them, her putting it back to me in another way, etc. This made me really think about things and I found it beneficial.

Today I turned up, she asked me how I'd been, I told her, then she sat and stared at me. After a few minutes of awkward silence I realised she was waiting for me to talk, but I didn't know what about. She then asked me what was wrong, why I was so chatty last time and now had nothing to say. I said last time she had asked me questions and I had answered, and I wasn't sure what she was expecting me to do this time. I've not had counselling before and I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I just assumed it would be as last time. She said the first session was an assessment for her to get to know me, now it was my time and I could talk about whatever I like. This really put me on the spot and I didn't know what to talk about. She asked me how this made me feel, and I said STUPID because that is exactly how I felt.

No one really explained to me what counselling would involve and I had assumed she would help me to understand why I am feeling so anxious, would be able to help me delve into my sub conscious and make a bit of sense of things. I have loads of people I can talk to about the things that annoy me, upset me and so on (friends, family and you guys on here). I thought I would be gaining some help in understanding why I am feeling anxious when I can't see anything causing it, and what I can do to turn this around.

Today felt strained, painful, embarrassing. I have another 4 sessions of this and I don't think I want to carry on.

Has anyone else any experience of counselling? Am I missing something here or is this all that is involved in counselling? I know I am the only person who can actually change how I feel, but I don't think just talking in an unnatural situation is going to change anything.

[nomorepanic]

I love to talk to my CBT woman. I go in and rabbit on and on and on about what I have done, how I feel, what I have achieved, failed at etc etc

Maybe she wants you to take the lead - who knows

The other counsellor I saw took the lead and asked me questions and then the talking started from there on in.

Why don't you just say to her that you are not sure what to do and can she lead by asking questions then you can answer and the conversation can continue from there.

Don't give up now ok?

Just open up a bit and then let her talk and you will get there.

Ask her questions. Ask her why you feel like this, can she explain the physical symptoms, what can help, what can you do etc etc.

Make the most of it ok and you will get there.

Nicola

[lass]

Thanks Nicola, you are right. I just felt so out of my depth and vulnerable yesterday, and as I said, stupid. If the counsellor had started the session saying "would you like to talk about any of the things we touched on last time", or "from this session onwards I won't be asking any questions but would invite you to talk about anything you feel you want to get off your chest" then I would have had a starting point. But the way she just stared at me and said nothing for several minutes, when I thought I was waiting for her to speak!, made me very uncomfortable.

Now I know what I am "supposed" to do, I guess I will have things in the back of my mind that I may want to bring forward. I just felt like I had been thrown in the deep end without a life belt, and I had no idea what to do!

Problem is, I'm not liking the counsellor very much at the moment as I feel she made me unnecessarily uncomfortable. She's done this loads of times, I haven't, and just a simple explanation of what happens in a session would have avoided this.

Still I don't want to waste this opportunity and your suggestions were brilliant so I will take this with me (mentally!) to my next session and hopefully will get a bit more benefit from it.

Thanks again!

Caroline

[lass]

I thought I'd just update this post, as I am now really pleased I started this counselling (having got off to a not brilliant start).

I had 4 sessions on a fortnightly basis, and these did help me to understand a bit more about WHY I am the way I am - why I feel the need to help everyone and take on more than I can cope with, why I set myself such high standards that I can't possibly achieve!, why I feel the need to please everyone, why I am worrying about health issues, etc.

Unfortunately I then had my next 3 sessions cancelled so it was 6 weeks before I saw my counsellor again. I really missed my sessions in this time, I had a few occasions when I could have really used some help.

At my session this week, I said to the counsellor that I felt I was getting somewhere in understanding WHY, but this was not doing anything to help me cope with or deal with my anxiety. She then asked me if I had heard of CBT as she could do this with me!

Well, obviously I have heard lots of people on here that have found CBT very beneficial and I have jumped at the chance. I am surprised she hadn't mentioned this sooner though - I thought that if I wanted CBT I would have had to have got a referral somewhere and wait months and months, I didn't realise that all along she could do this!

So I've come away with my "homework" and I'm all set to record my thoughts - although to be honest, I have had a pretty good week anxiety-wise and at the moment I haven't had the need to write down anything. Maybe the thought of CBT has scared my anxiety away - wouldn't that be nice?!