Anyone with Alzheimers/Dementia in your family?

[paula lynne]

Hi all, my 78 year old dad has been told today that he has been suffering from a series of mini-strokes over the past few weeks, also know as trans ischemic attacks. He is being sent to a specialist soon to confirm also if he has Alzheimers/Dementia.... which the doctor strongly suspects he has.

He was fit and healthy, then bang, 3 months ago the change was noticable almost overnight, or thats how it seemed to my sister and I.

I came home today and did a stupid thing, I opened a bottle of wine at 1pm, and proceeded to check out websites about the condition, I was trying to be pro-active and informed, and ended up in such a state I had a migraine followed by a massive panic attack, and then seemed to go into some sort of numb, trance like state, and thats how hubby found me at 4pm........

Anyway *sigh*......Im ok now, and would like to reach out to others on NMP and ask if you have any experience of this condition and would you be prepared to share your experience with me? I kinda know what to expect, but I suspect the reality is much worse

I promise to read them drinking tea and nothing else, and I know real peoples experiences will help me understand the human elements involved. If you care for someone or have cared for someone with Dementia etc, how did this effect your anxiety/panic if you have it?

I'd really appreciate some input, and thank you all in advance for your time and support.

Much love,
Paula xxxx

[Tessar]

Hi Paula Lynn. It's horrible isn't it when something happens like this to someone close. I'm really sorry it's happening to your dad. My mother has been showing signs of dementia or similar for some time now. The rest of my family, including my dad didn't notice tho I have been seeing changes in her for some time. It didn't help she had a bad fall & knocked herself out 2 yrs ago. That kicked all this off I'm sure. I don't see my parents more than once or twice a year as unfortunately their company is hard for me as I had a difficult childhood. So to me perhaps the changes in her have been more apparent.
In my own way, I relate to your situation in that now it can't be denied my mother has got this problem. It makes me very sad indeed that the mother I'd hoped for and that I knew as a small child has pretty much gone forever now. It's almost like losing hope when she is actually still alive. I find that almost harder than if she was no longer around. She seems quite child like sometimes & I hate the idea that at some point she will feel frightened if she works out what is happening. Even tho we didn't always get on & she hasn't always been there for me, I don't want her to feel that way. It's a catch22 for me as I would like to ensure she gets proper care & I've tried talking to my father about it. Whilst he acknowledges the situation he hasn't arranged for her to be checked out or anything. I would like to go up & see them & sort it all out, but this is difficult as they live 5 hours drive away. More importantly though, any time I have close involvement with my family, I end up depressed. I can't handle being around them so I still need to keep my distance.
So I'm having to stand back at the moment & watch from afar. Over the last few years she had become quite resentful (of what i dont know) and she often gets very angry and grumpy. I Find that difficult to cope with & it's one of the reasons I don't see them often. It's like being thrown back into my unhappy, lonely past. One good thing at the moment, my mother is now seemingly calmer and happier when she is more child like so even though she isn't quite attached to reality at times & not quite living truly the present as much as she would usually be, at least she seems calm & happier.
My mothers mind wanders a lot. She gets confused. It is sad to see it happening as ultimately you feel powerless to do anything. When she is more child like I see in her the softer more caring mother I had as a small child. So I end up quite torn as I never know what I will be greeted with. This adds to the dilemma about visiting.
Ultimately I do still have her best interests at heart. In a way, if she were to be in the happier state of mind, even if not as connected to reality as everyone else, if she is more relaxed then I see that as better than when she was angry & unhappy.
I don't know where it is going to lead or how her decline will go. In truth I havent looked into this in detail since at the moment she doesn't have a firm diagnosis. My suggestion would be that if they do confirm he has the condition, try not to be too frightened. From my limited knowledge of the condition, I don't think it usually progresses fast. I've known people live with it for decades. Once you realise what might be going on, then you do notice more things. Plus if he's had the mini strokes too, it may be they are aggravating his symptoms. In my mothers case, the head injury I feel ramped up her anger and it made her more forgetful. No doubt in her case and your fathers, the additions health problems have served as a double-whammy haven't they?
Well I'm hoping I haven't waffled on too much here. Or depressed you further, I thought if I were open about my experience, it will show that something like this does impact on you but it is something that can be managed too. Your thread will probably be very helpful to me too so thank you for posting :-)

[Elle-Kay]

My Grandma started suffering mini-strokes a few years before she passed away, and developed vascular dementia as a result. I'm not going to lie to you; it was hard on the whole family, and eventually we did have to put her into a (very nice) care home as we simply couldn't cope - she would wander, then fall, and she was beyond the stage where we could help her at home. However, this took a number of years from that very first mini-stroke so it isn't necessarily an immediate downturn. Also what didn't help with my Grandma is that we didn't receive a diagnosis until really too late for them to do much to stop the mini-strokes reoccurring.

The very best thing I can suggest to you is that you contact your local branch of the Alzheimer's Society. Though they're branded 'Alzheimer's' they do support all kinds of dementia, and they were incredibly helpful to my Mum (Grandma's primary carer), both in terms of pointing her in the right direction for advice, funding etc. and just in terms of emotional support. They were worth their weight in gold; I really couldn't praise them enough.

[paula lynne]

Thank you both so much, it couldnt have been easy writing. I will read and re-read your posts, I appreciate your time. XXXXXX

Ps, Thank you Pigeon for the PM xxxxx

[cgrove]

Hi there. My grandmother and dad both had Alzheimers and it is not pretty. There is not too much you can do for them that you don't already do so let's concentrate about you.

You have to take care of yourself now more than ever.

[swgrl09]

Hi, I work with senior citizens and I have to say, in the USA the Alzheimer's Association is extremely helpful and informative. If you have something similar, as was mentioned above, definitely try to make use of it.

It is a very difficult time to go through. Make sure that you take care of yourself as well. Caregiver fatigue is extremely common. Also, you never know what speed it will progress. It could be slow-moving. I know some people who have had alzheimer's for years and still live independently. Just follow the doctor's recommendations and get the support you need. I am sure it will have an affect on your anxiety, but please take care of yourself too.

There are lots of resources out there for people with alzheimers/dementia nowadays to make life easier. The Alz Society can really help connect you with those things.

[paula lynne]

Thank you all. Im having a bit of a blip at the mo, but so appreciate you taking the time to write, and thank you all. I promise I will read and reply when I can. Much appreciated xxxxxxxx