Think I've hit the bottom of the pit

[samtheman]

I have finally reached the end of my tether with this and need some help on where to start addressing the problem.

I first started having panic attacks back in the early 00’s, these progressed into generalized anxiety, social anxiety and depression and have stayed with me ever since.

I first went to my doctor back in the early 00’s when I was having panic attacks, she prescribed meds (sertraline) but I was scared to take them, I went back and explained all the ins and outs etc but I was still to scared to take them so I gave up on doctors and tried my best to cope. My coping techniques involved cutting myself of from people, not going anywhere to the extent my world has become enclosed to a 10 mile radius and I get anxiety venturing any further.

But aswell as that I have found I am filled with anger, I explode at family, I have a wife and 3 kids, I am writing this alone in the bedroom on my son’s birthday as I have managed to fall out with everyone over something stupid, My anger got the better of me and I exploded again, so I said to myself rather that annoy anyone else I’ll just leave everyone alone, I rarely have anything good to say about anyone, it just feels like the world itself is against me, I can only assume all this is down to depression.

Then there is work, I’ve been working 15 odd years, prior to my anxiety issues I never had a problem at work, but since then work has been a nightmare, I have no interest in it, although I go every day I’m at the stage I have cramps etc going to work as I don’t want to go, I change jobs quite regular but it’s always the am story I don’t fit in, hate the work and would all just rather be left alone somewhere, and I think that sums up my life in general, I would rather just be left alone somewhere, as I mentioned above I have kids a family, I should be spending time with them, being a good Dad but in reality I am glued to this computer any free time I get as it takes me out of my current circumstance if you know what I mean.

So I have some major long term issues and don’t know where to start addressing them, I realised last night I need to sort myself out when I started googling info on how to break my wrist, daft as this sounds it was to get me out of working, I just can’t face it anymore.

So I’ve got anger, depression, general anxiety, panic attacks and social anxiety, I would say 1 of these is the main culprit and the rest are symptoms, but I’ve read books and done course on all them and nothing worked.

Sorry for the long post but hopefully someone can relate to this or offer some advice?

[Sparkle1984]

Regarding your meds phobia, does that include all types of medicine or just Sertraline? It really does sound like you need some help, especially if you have had thoughts of harming yourself. You could try going back to your doctor and see what they suggest.
Maybe try doing a gradual exposure - cut the tablets in half (or even quarters if necessary) and gradually build up to the full dose.

I have a link to some more general tips in my forum signature below.

[samtheman]

Regarding your meds phobia, does that include all types of medicine or just Sertraline? It really does sound like you need some help, especially if you have had thoughts of harming yourself. You could try going back to your doctor and see what they suggest.
Maybe try doing a gradual exposure - cut the tablets in half (or even quarters if necessary) and gradually build up to the full dose.

I have a link to some more general tips in my forum signature below.

Just meds in general, I mean daily there are post on here from people having a hell of a time, I appreciate they can make things worse before they improve but that scares me. Then there is addiction, As for harming, I attempted a few times falling on my wrist but didn't work, god I sound so daft I bet.

[Sparkle1984]

SSRI medications aren't addictive in the usual sense of the word - I think you're probably thinking of diazepam. I felt worse for about 5 days but after a couple of weeks I started to feel a lot better. I have made good progress since then and I want to help others do the same.

It's important to remember that most people won't get all the side effects listed on the leaflet, in fact a lot of people would hardly get any side effects at all. They are required by law to list all the possible side effects on the leaflet, so try not to let it scare you too much.

If you really hate your job, then I think you would be best to start looking for a new one that will be less stressful. Or you could ask your manager if they can do anything to make the job less stressful. Is your manager aware of your anxiety and have you ever taken time off for it? As a job takes up a large proportion of your waking life, I believe it's really important to have a job you like (if possible).

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad and I hope you will find a solution soon.

[Oosh]

I think you've done we'll to get this far with that lot bottled up inside you. But I think you need some help now. Someone to talk to about what's really bothering you. Counselling, cbt, everything you can get. If you carry all of that around with you bottled up alone it comes out in the explosions you describe. You're under immense stress and you know you are. You have to relieve that stress.

It started with panic attacks. What was the cause of the panic attacks, do you know ?
Social anxiety taking over my life was the reason I first had them. And I think in lots of cases, if not all, there is an underlying reason for their being there. A fear, feelings of loss of control etc.

You say you've had a history of work problems, not fitting in, generally hating that environment. Is this why you first had panic attacks ? A problem with the workplace you don't know how to solve ? A problem with relationships you don't know how to solve ?

Try and work out what THE underlying weight on your mind is. What's the biggy ? What, if you solved it , would leave you feeling like you were walking on air, like the sun had come out. Like you could live in the moment again without worry and enjoy life again.

You need to stop carrying all of this on your own now and talk with someone and get to the root of your problem. Then let a qualified person guide you in the direction of help.

I loathed the workplace. Cliques etc. I found a job away from all of that. And I started a business. But if I had to work in those environments I hate I'd be stressed to the eyeballs too.

You need to talk and you need some solutions to the real causes for unhappiness in your life.

An antidepressant could help. But it could also just complicate things. I went on Prozac. It had a stimulating effect. A better than well feeling. But it also increased my anxiety. And did nothing to the real issues I had underneath.

Don't isolate yourself anymore. Go and work through it with someone.

I hope something in there helps.