Crush triggers my anxiety & panic attacks?

[yoyolandi]

Hello all.

This is an exceedingly frustrating situation, and I was wondering if anyone has had similar issues and/or knows of some good coping methods?

I've had feelings for this person for a long time, but the nerves that come naturally when you're around a crush manifest as panic attacks for me. Which is completely infuriating because locking yourself in the bathroom at work with a panic attack every time someone flirts with you isn't exactly appealing. I'd imagine, anyway.

He seems to quite like me, flimsy pretenses to talk to me, compliments, etc. But I also feel like he thinks I'm kind of loopy. I guess he's right.

Thoughts?

I've been single for a long time because of my anxiety (haven't wanted to drag some poor sucker down into my pit of gloom), and I'm having real trouble dealing with this one . . . In an ideal world, I'd go for it. But I dunno if I can. You know?

[Anxious_gal]

excitement and anxiety can feel like the same thing, maybe try and tell yourself you are just excited/happy to see him, reframing the feeling might help you not to go into panic mode.

[missjones2910]

Hi there,

Poor you I know exactly what you mean, I am constantly worrying I will be judged for my issues but instead of running and hiding when I am anxious I talk... and I mean a lot and laugh loads. This in my eyes makes me look loopy yet when I got the courage up to ask one day how I looked in one persons eyes they thought I was really confident, bubbly and friendly. I was really shocked.

You would be amazed at how different peoples opinions are compared to what you presume they are. I met a lad that was very attractive and had a posh car and everything and made me as nervous and anxious as hell!! I think in my mind I was that concerned my issues would make me lower than him and stop him from liking me it in turn sort of made it worse - like a catch 22. In the end I decided I am me and that includes my issues so I tend to get on my soap box about it, it's no different than having diabetes so if they like me they will accept that part of me too, so I am always open about it but put it in a very easy going open kind of way.

In your case you need to work out what goes through your mind when he flirts with you and what specifically about him or any one doing that with you makes you anxious. What runs through your mind during and after than happens? Also, breath. As daft and obvious as this sounds I have found that your body automatically does what it pleases and instantly makes you breath quicker when it perceives threat and anxiety. So take really slow and deep breaths as your replying. Smile and breath through your nose so it isn't obvious your taking deep breaths and believe me doing this calms you down quicker. Try and say as much as you can to him as the more you say the more you can say to yourself "well I said this and that and nothing bad happened so..." it is your evidence bank that you call on when you struggle and to prove to yourself your not loopy and you do not always fall apart or need to run...

hope this helps you a little.

Cathy

[Daisy Sue]

would you feel the same panic if it was a girl who was simply befriending you?

i'm guessing not.. so, maybe try to view this guy as a new friend, and take the pressure off yourself. after all, all the best relationships start as friendships

[stonecutter76]

The rapid hearbeat thing can trigger me.

My typical coping method is to remember I'm fine, and most people don't know I'm having an issue unless I tell them.

I also find the anxiety dissipates quickly when I'm finally actually talking to someone or giving a speech. The anticipation is truly the worst of it for me.

[yoyolandi]

Thank you for the advice everyone . . . I think the thing that really hit home for me is that if I want a partner, it ought to be someone who can care for me - anxiety and all.

It's just a side of myself I really dislike exposing to people, because I've always felt that once a partner knows about my panic attacks and nervousness (and when they've spent a long time around me, seen me get panicky) . . . it casts this looming shadow over everything.

I feel almost like my anxiety starts to define me.

With my crush right now, I realized a large part of the anxiety was because it's in a work environment where I'm not very relaxed. To my utter horror he asked me out for drinks, but I (and I'm quite proud of myself here) said yes only if we could go to my corner bar. I've been going there every night for years, it's quiet and comfortable and I have become good friends with the staff. We had a pleasant evening and I didn't lose it . . . I think because it was an environment I was at home in.

Anxiety does just feel like one hell of a ball and chain when it comes to dating. It adds this unwanted level of seriousness too early sometimes, if that makes sense. "I'm a fun person, I like wine and dancing - and if I go into a crowded supermarket I might completely loose my s**t and embarrass you."

Ergh. But I love you all and I am very thankful for the support, I'm sure this is a problem that crops up for most of us at least once in a while . . . .

Y x