Hopeless

[jayjoe18]

I had a terrible day yesterday and have felt upset ever since, I don't want to be so negative but I just want some support...

Basically, my mum had arranged to get her hair done by my sister-in-law and wanted me to go up and watch my 1 year old neice and I just couldn't bring myself to go. She had sprung this upon me the night before but in the morning I felt so nervous I couldn't do it. I'm one of these people that likes structure, I need to plan ahead and mentally prepare myself for things if that makes sense? Family visits or any sort of visit where you have to go to someones house for me is the worst, along with appointments etc I think it's the feeling of being trapped. Anyway, if I didn't feel bad enough as it is (and I felt physically unwell at this point having been awake feeling sick with nerves) my mum argued with me and said she was sick of me and that I should just give up living & it's really upset me ever since. I just want to point out I absolutely love my mum and we have the perfect mother/daughter relationship, I know she didn't mean it, it was just in the heat of the moment but it still hurt. She's been my rock for the past 5 years and supported me so much, I couldn't ask for a better mum but I understand it's difficult for her to live with me the way I am. We not only suffer but our friends and family too. I understand this, but the comment has really got to me, I don't actually live, I just exist and my life is being wasted and it makes me feel so suffocated I don't know where to turn anymore, it's like everyone has given up on me because they're sick of hearing it all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore, am I being selfish? All I want is to be happy and normal and enjoy life again with people who are close to me. I just don't know what to do.

[yoyolandi]

As you've said, she's been there to support you and has been your rock for years - of course she loves you very dearly, and what she said in the heat of the moment (although definitely very hurtful to someone struggling) was just stress talking.

You're not being selfish at all. It is 100% understandable that you were uncomfortable watching your niece without being able to prepare mentally first (I get very nervous watching my little cousins, it's a lot of pressure to be responsible for another person's child I find - I get so paranoid!), and it's 100% understandable to feel hurt by your mother's response to your concerns.

That being said, remember that you have people like your mother in your life that love you. Even for people without anxiety and other related problems, isn't the ultimate goal of everyone's life the pursuit of happiness and contentment? For us it may seem further from reach, but don't give up hope.

I've found that finding some outlet for your stress/frustration can be helpful, at least it temporarily boosts your mood and can help you find your center a little bit. I play guitar and write songs as my outlet, but anything - exercise (just a half hour walk around your neighborhood, even), drawing, writing, anything that lets you channel your emotions into a positive action helps a lot.

Hope that you feel better and best wishes from me

Y

[hanshan]

To be perfectly honest, I don't think you have the perfect mother/daughter relationship with your mom. You've become used to her support, but you need to become more independent.

That's easier said than done - can you arrange some time with a counselor with that clearly as a goal?

[jill]

Hi Hun

Ohhh hunny, things ARE NOT hopeless, PLEASE don't think this. There is ALWAYS a way out of anything or situation, its just that right now, present moment in time, your anxiety is NOT letting you see your pathway forward.

It is GREAT to hear you have such a supportive Mum and YOU know how lucky you are,

You seem sooo understanding of how hard it can be for people around you, this is good hun, even recognizing how hard it can be for other people says to me your mind is going in the right direction,

Please hun, talk to your mum, as a mother myself who supports her own daughter, with GAD, depression I would want my daughter to talk to me.

I know myself how difficult it can be on ALL sides there is NOT a straight pathway forward OR a book on how to deal with mental health on an individual basses.

TALK TO your mum hun PLEASE, don't let this fester, talk, put it to bed, so to speak. Why some words are said, who knows, I myself have said things which after I've thought I should not have said that, but I do try and talk things through.

Take control of the situation hun and talk it through.

YOU TAKE CARE

wishing you well

LOVE JILL XXX

[Sparkle1984]

I know exactly what you mean - I hate having things sprung on me like that. I need structure in my life and time to prepare my mind to do things. A few years ago at work, a new contractor suddenly turned up one morning (my manager never thought to warn us) and I was expected to train him on how to use our systems. Obviously as I'd done no preparation, I just had to wing it and I was so nervous and kept stumbling over my words.

It must have been very hurtful what your mother said. People can say awful things in the heat of an argument. I'd suggest speaking to your mum and coming to an agreement that if she is going to ask you to do any favours in the future, to make sure she tells you well in advance.

[Col]

jayjoe. Ditto everything about your symptoms and the way it makes you feel & behave is Exactly like me. Like structure,the feeling of trapped, existing wasting life, I'm exactly the same. Glad you normally get on with your mum, mine contributed to my demise and panic. All I can send is