Anesthesia/Sedation phobia?

[jj1987]

So I have this huge fear of being sedated of any kind. This is really starting to get in the way because there are several tests I need done, but they sedate you for them and I can't bring myself to do it. I actually had an operation scheduled last month for my severe reflux but canceled because I didn't want to go under general anesthesia. Even though I know the operation would probably be life changing. I can't get past this fear. Right now I'm pretty sure I have a small hernia probably from pregnancy/childbirth last year, but I can't bring myself to go to the dr because I'm sure it will need to be fixed surgically and I simply can't do that. I don't see why more operations can't be done under local anesthetic. I know I'm weird that i'd rather be awake, but the surgery itself doesn't scare me. It's the "omg what if i don't wake up" that terrifies me. Or some kind of complication, i've heard about people going in for a simple routine operation and then they end up in a coma in the icu for 3 weeks. does anyone else have this fear or how to get over it? i also have throat breathing issues from i think anxiety and possibly my acid reflux and I am afraid that that will somehow complicate things as well when I'm under. any advice?

[hanshan]

Say goodbye, and tell people how much you love them. The chances are 99.9999% that you'll be back again in a few hours.

[Daisy Sue]

just thought i'd give you my perspective on this... i've had numerous operations, all under general anaesthetic, and one or two procedures with no local, wide awake, as i'm allergic to local anaesthetic. every time i've been in the pre-op room, waiting to be put to sleep, i'm in tears, begging them to not let me die... and every time i wake up fine.

it's normal, no-one enjoys the feeling of being out of control, of someone else doing something to you while you're out of it, but there's also a feeling that i get, just before it's about to happen, a kind of resignation but with relief... the fear's going to stop, the medical problem is about to get fixed, and i put myself in the expert hands of the surgeons..

it feels like seconds before you wake up again, no matter how long you've been under.

i would say, if you need something doing, get it booked, then tell every single hospital staff you speak to about your fears... you won't be the first one to feel this way, and they'll help & support you.

[Anxious_gal]

everyone fears it and worries they will die.
I do every time but the thing is it's over so fast, it takes mere seconds to fall asleep once you are on the table. Then you wake up and it's all over with.

Think about it this way you have a much higher chance of being killed in a car or by are car yet you still walk places and get into cars.
Your fear is not logical and that's all it is a fear, a mere thought and you are letting it control your happiness.

you will be in a hospital, that is a pretty safe place to be.
There's the nurses, the surgeon, doctors and the anesthesiologist.
Your blood pressure, oxygen, temperture, heart and other vitals will be monitored the entire time.

It could help to meet the surgeon and maybe talk about your fears, or see a therapist.

[yrm]

So I have this huge fear of being sedated of any kind. This is really starting to get in the way because there are several tests I need done, but they sedate you for them and I can't bring myself to do it. I actually had an operation scheduled last month for my severe reflux but canceled because I didn't want to go under general anesthesia. Even though I know the operation would probably be life changing. I can't get past this fear. Right now I'm pretty sure I have a small hernia probably from pregnancy/childbirth last year, but I can't bring myself to go to the dr because I'm sure it will need to be fixed surgically and I simply can't do that. I don't see why more operations can't be done under local anesthetic. I know I'm weird that i'd rather be awake, but the surgery itself doesn't scare me. It's the "omg what if i don't wake up" that terrifies me. Or some kind of complication, i've heard about people going in for a simple routine operation and then they end up in a coma in the icu for 3 weeks. does anyone else have this fear or how to get over it? i also have throat breathing issues from i think anxiety and possibly my acid reflux and I am afraid that that will somehow complicate things as well when I'm under. any advice?

This is an old post, so who knows if anyone will ever read this. It's really hard to even find people with the same phobia.

The typical answer you get is... trust the doctors, it'll only feel like a second, blah blah blah.

So many procedures that don't really require anesthesia or sedation (heavy sedation like VERSED) now "require" it in the United States. Like you, I've avoided tests at all costs. I've avoided going to the doctors even on the off chance they might "order" one of those tests.

If you're like me, reading the original post helped you a lot because you felt like you weren't alone with the phobia. But reading the responses didn't help at all, as well meaning as they were, and in fact, made it "less likely" that you'd ever approach a test.

I've read about phobias and tried to figure out how to tackle this problem, but, one of the ways that they treat phobias is to give you the class of drugs that I'm terrified of.

I do not consent to "being awake like a zombie but not remembering anything later". No! That's as bad as being put under. Anything could have happened. No friggin way.

Everyone deals with people day to day at your jobs and in life. There are great people out there, but an equal percentage of abusive, bullying, disrespectful, careless, lazy people.

In normal situations, you can protect yourself.

There are potential side effects of the "conscious sedation" methods like long term memory loss.

You could have disrespectful hospital staff or careless people, and wake up only to find you've been further damaged.

You could have been "awake" and protesting against what's going on, only to have them treat you terribly since you "can't remember it later anyway" and end up with PTSD.

All of the things above have actually happened.

To the original poster, I've read that if you push hard enough, and calmly stand your ground, that physicians will finally reveal that they actually CAN do many procedures without putting you all the way under or giving you a chemical lobotomy to "forget" everything that happened to you.

There are supposed to be combinations of pain killer and lesser memory affecting sedatives, like valium. (Fentanyl + Vallium)

I'm totally with the original poster. I'd take a pain killer and watch a test on a screen, or watch them cut into my knee.

But if I had to be forced into an unwilling coma or amnesia due to unflinching and disrespectful "requirements", I'd be in a constant state of anxiety and panic for every second of every day leading up to that.

I'm much less afraid of actually dying, because if I die, it's over... it's just over... I wouldn't have to wake up potentially damaged or disrespected or mind drugged or humiliated and helpless.

This is a real phobia for me, not just a fear.

I have a fear of heights.

But I can walk on a 200 foot cliff trail. I'm scared, nervous, but, I can do it if I'm careful and my mind isn't really affected.

If I just walk into a hospital knowing even someone I care about is going to have to be approached with an IV and have drugs pumped into them that take away their free will and ability to advocate for themselves at all, then, the whole room turns blurry on the edges. I can't breath right. My hands are cold and shaking. I'm sweating. It's like a heart attack and I just want to run and grab the person I'm with and save them.

I can barely type this without having anxiety... in fact, I can't.

Treatments for phobias include... "physician ordering tests to make sure it's not something else" and "using benzos as part of the psychological treatment".

I'd rather live with this fear than have chemicals on my brain, preventing me from caring.

I can't even book an appointment to get help for fear of what they'd say.

I know that this fear is highly exaggerated and I know many people do have successful procedures and mostly recover from their forced druggings, but I can't shut it off.

Anyway, it was great to read the original post because, if you ever see this response, you're not alone in the world. There's such a difference between being nervous and fearful to do something and having a phobia of it.

In a week, I have to drive my girlfriend to get a procedure and I've been sleeping about 2 hours a night for the last few days. I got pulled over while driving but the cop let me off with a warning when I explained that someone I cared about just got bad health news.

It's supposedly a minor procedure but, it's killing me to imagine her going through it. She's much less scared than I am.

I'm hoping to get her back with no "subtle damage" to her brain. Or with none of the staff having been harmful or disrespectful to her.

And please, before you say that you can trust hospital staff... please, just go to lunch some time with a group of guys or gals who work in an OR.

They're the same regular people who screw up your order at a restaurant or flip people off in traffic or curse at their significant others.

You're slightly safer in an OR than passed out at a party, but probably not much.

I can't get past it. I've tried really hard but it's like trying to dry off while under water. It's very, very, painful.

I wish I could shut it off but not more than I want to avoid the drugs themselves.

I really don't know if there's anything I can even begin to do to change this phobia... if you have a phobia of airplanes, you can take therapy and drugs and feel better, but if you have a phobia of sedation, how do you even start.

As upset as I am about this, I'm kind of laughing at myself, and I'm going to suck it up and get my girlfriend to her procedure even if I die of a stroke while she's in there. (and if I do get a stroke, I'd be hoping for instant death rather than having to be sedated and helpless in a room full of hospital staff)

That's really friggin weird too, because, I could parachute naked into a stadium full of people and give a comedy speech before being sedated, and would gladly pick that first option.

I don't know how to "not" avoid this stuff at all costs. The feeling is overwhelming.

[ClaireBear27]

I realize that this is an old post, but after reading the comments, I felt that an important alternative was not being mentioned. I have a phobia of general anesthesia/sedation. A legitimate phobia. I also have a background in health care, and some knowledge of the rights of patients. You absolutely do NOT have to accept anesthesia or sedation if you do not want it. You have choices, and you can discuss these choices with your anesthesiologist and surgeon before your procedure.

Even though it may not be ideal or typical for the treating physician, it is possible in many instances to administer a regional nerve block rather than general anesthesia. You can get a transverse abdominis plane (TAP) block for regional abdominal anesthesia, or a paracervical block for uterine procedures. These are not as comfortable as being knocked out completely. You are more likely to experience some pain, and the doctor is likely to have a legitimate concern that you might thrash around and make it harder for him/her to perform your surgery safely. However, if the mental anguish of going under is greater than that of watching someone cut into you, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself.

That being said, there are certain procedures which absolutely require general anesthesia in order to be performed safely. Try to be open to the possibility that your procedure might fall into that category, and do your best to trust the expert opinion of your doctor and anesthesiologist. Most of the time, they really aren't trying to bully you into compliance; they simply know what they're familiar with and aren't used to people wanting to stay awake for potentially traumatic procedures. In cases where general anesthesia is required from a safety standpoint, see if a compromise can't be reached for you to be given sedatives that do not cause amnesia, or no sedatives at all before the general anesthesia is administered.

Long story short: educate yourselves about your options, be your own advocate, and approach the situation ready to communicate and compromise with your healthcare team. Don't be afraid to say 'No', but also don't let your phobia cause you to forego life-saving procedures. If you feel empowered in the course of your treatment, it is easier to accept situations that are less than ideal, if and when they occur.

Oh, and by the way, colonoscopies totally don't need to be performed under sedation or anesthesia. Take a few ibuprofen beforehand and learn to laugh about the absurdity of the whole thing. Same goes for a lot of other procedures that are really more embarrassing than anything else. If the thought of being put under makes you feel violated, you'll have to get comfortable with being conscious for the many physical violations inherent in the practice of Western medicine.

[KDM]

It's really hard to even find people with the same phobia.

yrm, I've got the same one with the same flavor! I could have written almost every word of your post myself. Most people seem to fear dying or being "aware." I think you couldn't ask for a better death than dying while under anesthesia and I'd rather experience horrid pain than be totally vulnerable and/or amnesic. For me, it boils down to fear of vulnerability, losing control, being uncared for and alone. Being in control is a way to feel safe when you feel vulnerable. And when you “go under,” you go alone.

I’m not afraid of dentists and only a little fearful of medical procedures (the bigger they are, the more fear, but I think that’s “normal”). But I am terrified of being sedated. I can’t even watch fictional sedation on TV. And stories about being sedated against your will in hospitals? Nope. Nope. Nope.

yrm, you are not alone in the object or level of your fear—and your fears are not unfounded. I found the roots of my fear and I’m addressing them with various drug-free techniques and I’ve had some success. I start EMDR tomorrow and I’m really optimistic about it. I don’t want to forget my fear (duh, amnesia), I want to turn it down to the level of a protection mechanism that only kicks in when needed, instead of being all-consuming. My story is in the paragraphs below. Maybe it can help you can find the root of your fear, maybe it will just reinforce it, so you decide if you want to read on.

Funny thing is, my first experience with sedation was fine. At nine years old, I needed emergency dental surgery. I was given a shot of a benzodiazepine. New experience, but fine. My brain regained the ability to form memories before surgery was over and I had no problems with that either. I was in pain and nervous, but the surgeon treated me well and I trusted him. I felt safe. I only had problems later, after experiences with insensitive medical care workers who objectified me.

Months later, I had a follow up procedure with a dentist. It was the first (and only!) time I had NO2 and I didn't like it. I tried to take the mask off, tried to hold my breath, tried to breathe through my mouth. I wasn’t uncooperative about what he was doing in my mouth—I was well-numbed with Novocain and it was nothing compared to the previous procedure. I wasn’t combative or crying, I was just trying to get away from that NO2 feeling; but he insisted I use it. I was a powerless kid with no parent in the room, so I laid there terrified from the NO2 the whole time. Afterward, I told my mom that I didn’t like the NO2; she told me to "stop dwelling on it." It bothered me for years, but unbelievably, I eventually did stop thinking about the experience.

At 17, 18 and 21, I had general anesthesia for surgeries. I didn't know there were other pain management options. Each time, I was told the drugs were coming and was asked to count down. During the first, I nearly bit through my tongue with my molars. Not fun, but I thought it was either a) normal or b) I had a seizure while "under." (Turns out it was laryngospasm, but the point is that even thinking it was a seizure didn’t scare me.) During the second, my uncle assisted, so I felt safe again. For the third, a few tears rolled out in pre-op, but a kind nurse held my hand as I went under (could have used her at the dentist!) and I woke up feeling fine mentally. Those experiences weren’t my favorites, but being an adult and not feeling “forced,” I didn’t feel traumatized.

At 42 I had general anesthesia again. I was nervous about the drugs (not the procedure, it was non-invasive), but thought my only other option was conscious sedation and I didn't want a repeat of the NO2 experience. I didn’t know what to ask for, but I told the anesthesiologist I was drug-conservative. This time, no one told me the benzo was coming. My memory shut off like a light switch and came back online just as quickly. It was like having my consciousness slammed into a brick wall. On my PACU records, you see the moment I regained memory--my heartrate jumped 50%. It was as bad as the NO2, but over quicker (at least the part I remember was over quicker). I pulled it together, thought I was fine and went home. A few hours later, I was experiencing so much anxiety I thought I’d gone crazy. Turns out that even though I don’t get post-op nausea, he gave me a steroid (in addition to an anti-nausea drug) to prevent post-op nausea because it’s part of his standard recipe. Also turns out that I’m super-sensitive to steroids and it put me into steroid psychosis. That hell last about 10 days, but I can’t be sure when the steroid wore off because it also raised my estrogen levels to 10 times what they should be and the effect of that felt the same as steroid psychosis. It took a year for my estrogen levels to gradually come down. Even afterward, this experience has turned my manageable anxiety into PTSD.

Because of the drug reaction, I asked more informed questions. I discovered that a) the procedure is regularly done fully awake, b) of the seven drugs I was given, only two were necessary for general anesthesia and the ones I had problems with were totally optional and c) a guy I never met came in after I was out and performed the actual procedure. At my follow up appointment, I politely told my doctor about my unhappiness with the anesthesia. He dismissed me and said the procedure takes too long if patients are awake. This info and his reaction only made the trauma worse. Just like the dentist decades ago, these doctors had sedated me unnecessarily. The surgeon didn’t think he needed to tell me I had options. The anesthesiologist disregarded my expressed preference. No one thought to even tell me about a man who would be working on my pubic area. I have never felt so objectified. It’s the effects of the drugs (vulnerability and loss of control) combined with the attitudes of medical providers (being alone and uncared for) that make it so scary for me.

[Penguincop23]

So I'm 18 and I have a huge fear of not being in control. Not the "not being in control from anger" type, but the "not being in control of my body from drugs". My dad is an alchoholic...or was. He's gotten better, but he left a mental scar on me forever. I never want to not be in control like that.
I had to get surgery in 10th grade and was more scared about being KO'd and not in control, then I was about them cutting into me.
I don't even like strong pain meds, and won't even take NyQuil because it can make you a bit tired.
I have to get my wisdom teeth out soon, and I have told my mom that i will only have it done, if they only knock me out (at most), and don't make me loopy. If they make me all loopy and shit, I will actually move in with my friends and never speak to my mom again. That's how bad this fear of mine is.

Anesthesia is one thing for me. I don't like it, but ever since 2 years ago when I got the surgery, anesthesia has been less of a "flip out" drug for me. But the loopy shit they give at the dentist is something I'm not gonna F*ck with! Same for alcohol.
I don't fear I'm going to die. I trust the doctors/dentists. They know what they're doing. It's just the feeling of not being able to be in control, and especially being drunk/dentist drugged where I'm the opposite of being in control.

[Hbazz]

This is an old post, so who knows if anyone will ever read this. It's really hard to even find people with the same phobia.

The typical answer you get is... trust the doctors, it'll only feel like a second, blah blah blah.

So many procedures that don't really require anesthesia or sedation (heavy sedation like VERSED) now "require" it in the United States. Like you, I've avoided tests at all costs. I've avoided going to the doctors even on the off chance they might "order" one of those tests.

If you're like me, reading the original post helped you a lot because you felt like you weren't alone with the phobia. But reading the responses didn't help at all, as well meaning as they were, and in fact, made it "less likely" that you'd ever approach a test.

I've read about phobias and tried to figure out how to tackle this problem, but, one of the ways that they treat phobias is to give you the class of drugs that I'm terrified of.

I do not consent to "being awake like a zombie but not remembering anything later". No! That's as bad as being put under. Anything could have happened. No friggin way.

Everyone deals with people day to day at your jobs and in life. There are great people out there, but an equal percentage of abusive, bullying, disrespectful, careless, lazy people.

In normal situations, you can protect yourself.

There are potential side effects of the "conscious sedation" methods like long term memory loss.

You could have disrespectful hospital staff or careless people, and wake up only to find you've been further damaged.

You could have been "awake" and protesting against what's going on, only to have them treat you terribly since you "can't remember it later anyway" and end up with PTSD.

All of the things above have actually happened.

To the original poster, I've read that if you push hard enough, and calmly stand your ground, that physicians will finally reveal that they actually CAN do many procedures without putting you all the way under or giving you a chemical lobotomy to "forget" everything that happened to you.

There are supposed to be combinations of pain killer and lesser memory affecting sedatives, like valium. (Fentanyl + Vallium)

I'm totally with the original poster. I'd take a pain killer and watch a test on a screen, or watch them cut into my knee.

But if I had to be forced into an unwilling coma or amnesia due to unflinching and disrespectful "requirements", I'd be in a constant state of anxiety and panic for every second of every day leading up to that.

I'm much less afraid of actually dying, because if I die, it's over... it's just over... I wouldn't have to wake up potentially damaged or disrespected or mind drugged or humiliated and helpless.

This is a real phobia for me, not just a fear.

I have a fear of heights.

But I can walk on a 200 foot cliff trail. I'm scared, nervous, but, I can do it if I'm careful and my mind isn't really affected.

If I just walk into a hospital knowing even someone I care about is going to have to be approached with an IV and have drugs pumped into them that take away their free will and ability to advocate for themselves at all, then, the whole room turns blurry on the edges. I can't breath right. My hands are cold and shaking. I'm sweating. It's like a heart attack and I just want to run and grab the person I'm with and save them.

I can barely type this without having anxiety... in fact, I can't.

Treatments for phobias include... "physician ordering tests to make sure it's not something else" and "using benzos as part of the psychological treatment".

I'd rather live with this fear than have chemicals on my brain, preventing me from caring.

I can't even book an appointment to get help for fear of what they'd say.

I know that this fear is highly exaggerated and I know many people do have successful procedures and mostly recover from their forced druggings, but I can't shut it off.

Anyway, it was great to read the original post because, if you ever see this response, you're not alone in the world. There's such a difference between being nervous and fearful to do something and having a phobia of it.

In a week, I have to drive my girlfriend to get a procedure and I've been sleeping about 2 hours a night for the last few days. I got pulled over while driving but the cop let me off with a warning when I explained that someone I cared about just got bad health news.

It's supposedly a minor procedure but, it's killing me to imagine her going through it. She's much less scared than I am.

I'm hoping to get her back with no "subtle damage" to her brain. Or with none of the staff having been harmful or disrespectful to her.

And please, before you say that you can trust hospital staff... please, just go to lunch some time with a group of guys or gals who work in an OR.

They're the same regular people who screw up your order at a restaurant or flip people off in traffic or curse at their significant others.

You're slightly safer in an OR than passed out at a party, but probably not much.

I can't get past it. I've tried really hard but it's like trying to dry off while under water. It's very, very, painful.

I wish I could shut it off but not more than I want to avoid the drugs themselves.

I really don't know if there's anything I can even begin to do to change this phobia... if you have a phobia of airplanes, you can take therapy and drugs and feel better, but if you have a phobia of sedation, how do you even start.

As upset as I am about this, I'm kind of laughing at myself, and I'm going to suck it up and get my girlfriend to her procedure even if I die of a stroke while she's in there. (and if I do get a stroke, I'd be hoping for instant death rather than having to be sedated and helpless in a room full of hospital staff)

That's really friggin weird too, because, I could parachute naked into a stadium full of people and give a comedy speech before being sedated, and would gladly pick that first option.

I don't know how to "not" avoid this stuff at all costs. The feeling is overwhelming.

THIS. This so much. I feel exactly the same. I am not scared of the pain, the surgery, dying, the drug's safety, etc. I am scared, horrified, petrified, about not being able to be my own advocate during surgery, not remembering anything that may have happened to me, not knowing who was there, etc. I want to be awake. I have a salpingectomy scheduled in two days and I think I am going to cancel unless they can do local anesthetic and a sedative. I am not sure where this fear came from, it started last week, but I think it stems from not remembering losing my virginity because of losing consciousness during it. The idea that anything could happen to me and I wont know, I will just feel sore after and not know why, is petrifying. I cant do it. Thank you for making me feel less crazy. Everyone I have talked to has just said "dont worry, you wont even know it happened and wont remember it". That just makes the phobia so much worse. I know it is irrational, but I just cant handle it.