Good days & Bad Days - Why??

[skoosh1]

I'm getting so fed up with having a good day with my anxiety and then a couple of bad days. I'm fighting this on my own (apart from 2mg valium which finishes tuesday) and feel depleted as some days my symptoms (warm & hot feelings all over & crawling itchy skin) are worse than others. No matter how much distraction & challenging my thoughts they are there after 5 weeks. I thought they would have disappeared by now but this is taking longer & really wanting me to give up with this fight with anxiety

[Bill]

All I can do is think about going back to work & everything is going through my mind eg how will I be able to get up in morning without bringing the panic on and what if it starts at work and it all comes back as bad as ever and then I'm off again.

my symptoms (warm & hot feelings all over & crawling itchy skin)

I thought they would have disappeared by now but this is taking longer & really wanting me to give up with this fight with anxiety

I quite agree; you Should give up this fight with anxiety. As they say in Star Trek for anyone who has come across the "Borg", their most well-known announcement when they wish to take over another alien race is - "Resistance is futile"...and so too is it against anxiety as it just makes the feelings worse and we end up fighting an exhausting constant battle which we can never win.

All I can do is think about going back to work

which starts thoughts off of...

how will I be able to get up in morning without bringing the panic on

and then taking worries forward...

what if it starts at work and it all comes back as bad as ever

which then raises your blood pressure, increases adrenalin and heart rate, making you perspire causing...

my symptoms (warm & hot feelings all over & crawling itchy skin)

so when...

I thought they would have disappeared by now but this is taking longer

because they won't go until the cycle is broken.

In which case, you need to give up and stop fighting by learning not to tense up at the original thought of...

All I can do is think about going back to work

because this is the thought that is triggering fear which is causing your symptoms.

If work is sending you into a panic, I'd ask myself if the work is overstressing me or if I hate the work I'm doing and if so how I can ease or change my load...or if I enjoy my job but I still feel panicky, what is it that frightens me so much about going in which makes me feel so anxious in front of colleagues...or was it simply a bad day when you had too much to do.

There's always a cause and once identified, you can then learn effective ways how to combat it.

Just to add, a very stressful day will trigger worrying thoughts which can cause the cycle to start but when we have a good day when we don't feel so stressed, those thoughts are less likely to surface. In other words, enjoy the good days and just forget the bad ones because by learning how to ignore the bad days will make the thoughts and symptoms much less frightening when they do arise which in turn then creates a more level daily playing field.

[skoosh1]

Thanks Bill, I really understand where your are coming from. To tell you the truth I really don't know what the fear is as I do enjoy my job & have great colleagues. I think its because I've been off four weeks, the longest I have ever been in years & I'm afraid how I'm going to react with the daily routine again! It's the what if I can't do it if I'm not strong enough to cope with the symptoms. I do really want my life back, eg work & socialising etc without the brain going round at 100mph!!!

[Bill]

To tell you the truth I really don't know what the fear is as I do enjoy my job & have great colleagues.

I'm afraid how I'm going to react with the daily routine again! It's the what if I can't do it if I'm not strong enough to cope with the symptoms. - This Is your fear. A fear of failing if the symptoms surface again.

You've been off work for 4 weeks. Your confidence will have been drained in this time and your doubts will have increased.

I think all you can do is go back with a positive mind reminding yourself and concentrating on how much you enjoy your work and try to ignore the symptoms if they do surface. If you keep to your limits though, you won't get overstressed and you'll be fine. It's when you get pushed or push yourself too hard that the symptoms arise. You could use the symptoms as your barometer because you could try telling yourself that they're trying to warn you that you're exceeding your limits and you need to take a break such as pop in the loo.

[Lucinda07]

Hi Skoosh & Bill

I also fear failure and have found your "conversation" useful. A good approach is probably to accept feelings & let them pass through. I find it helps to break jobs down into parts & once I've started things often get better. I also get tingly skin - a reaction to stress.
Great work colleagues & a job you enjoy will make it easier to return to work Skoosh. I'm sure you'll get a warm welcome!

[skoosh1]

Thanks Lucinda & Bill, I'm sure I will as they say the office is quiet without me lol. I appreciate both your comments & accept the feelings as they come instead of fighting them all the time. Feel the fear and do it anyway!!

[Bill]

they say the office is quiet without me lol.

Don't tell me they're implying you talk alot!

Well, talking happens to be a good way to keep relaxed because you're having to concentrate on what you're hearing and saying so you tend to forget to think about how you're feeling. A good method to use when you're feeling stressed...providing the boss isn't around!

It always used to amuse me when I would say to my mother she would be meeting a few people and she would start to panic as to what she would say, what would they think etc etc etc. All the "what if's" would come out. Once they arrived though, she'd never stop talking and I'd say with a smile afterwards what exactly were you worrying about?!

You see, fears of "what if's" are often worse than the actual doing as you will find out when you get back to talking...ermm...I mean working.

[skoosh1]

Thanks Bill, my fears are definatley what if's as at this moment my adrenaline has been rushing around my body since I got up this morning & I can't concentrate on anything else. My mind and body won't stop going at 100mph and now I feel I won't be able to go back to work tomorrow as no distraction is taking my mind off this

[Bill]

What happens before an athlete starts a race? The adrenalin starts pumping preparing them to run and they begin to sweat...then suddenly the gun goes and they're off running down the track. Once they cross the finishing line the race is over and everything returns to normal.

The thought before a race (the day before returning to work) we'll naturally feel anxious but once we start, and IF we then focus on the race (the work) in hand, the anxiety will subside. If we allow ourselves to keep thinking about how we're feeling though, anxiety will gain control and the longer we stay still, the more our worries and anxious thoughts will make us freeze so the only way is to start running and focus on your lane...but only when we feel strong enough and have the willpower and determination to win our race or we run the risk of falling over halfway down the track.

The distraction that will take your mind off this is the work itself but when you feel ready.

[skoosh1]

Hi Bill, just wanted to thank you for your comments which have helped me get back to work today! It hasn't been easy but for anyone else reading this if I can do it you can. I managed to get up at 7am after tossing and turning for hours adrenlin pumping throughout. I put music on and put myself on auto pilot. Just concentrated on getting ready etc without thinking about work. It was snowing here so walked dog to my mums then walked to get a bus which takes 45 mins to my work & when I got there, I said fxxx this just get in. It was surreal but I got a warm welcome which always helps. My adrenlin never halted though and I had to sit with a fan on me and kept drinking camomile tea lol. It worked though I got there! The only thing that kept bothering me is people saying well your still not right so you should not be at your work, are you sure the doctor hasn't missed something as he should have took blood tests as you should'nt be feeling the heat like this as its freezing outside! How do you explain to them its anxiety when they don't understand. I'll have to go through it tomorrow again with other colleagues so I'm trying to think something to make up lol. Hope tomorrow is even better & I start to feel cold