Hi there!
I have been wanting to come on here for a while and try to offer a bit of encouragement to those of you who are suffering as I have. I see a few familiar names still on the site so some of you may remember me. (Not sure if that's a good thing or not!)
Looking back I think I was always prone to anxiety and excess worrying even as a child but my life fell apart 5 years I go when I started to experience severe panic attacks and contant anxiety. I had palpitations, chest pains, sweating, chills, felt faint and literally shook from the minute I got up in the morning until I went to sleep at night. I had depersonalization, I felt like I was going to go mad at any moment, I was petrified of being alone. The thought of setting foot outside my house was terrifying even though being in it felt no better. I had no "safe" place. I couldn't eat and rapidly lost nearly 3 stone. I lived all day in fear....of everything. That terrible fear of the fear. I looked like I was dying and honestly thought I was. Every minute of the day felt like a year to me. I never ever believed that I could live a "normal" life again. If you look back at all my old posts you will see how bad I was.
Now for the good news.....I AM living a "normal" life! I would say I was 90% recovered. I have gone on holiday, flown alone, go on long walks with friends, go out for meals and actually enjoy it! I shop, cook and clean my own house (Yes, there was a time when I couldn't even do that!)In fact I can do anything I want. Some days I still feel those symptoms of anxiety lurking but I can cope with them now and just tell myself it's just a blip and that they will go again....and they do. I have had a few difficult situations to deal with in my life over the past couple of years but I have coped without going back to the way I used to be. I had a big bowel operation the year before last and was in hospital for a few weeks which I never thought I could have done but I had no panic attacks and no more anxiety than anyone would have in that situation.
As to how I recovered, well I can't tell you it was one particular thing. I tried all sorts and even wasted a lot of money on so called "miracle" cures. Let me tell you, they don't exist. It takes time and patience. I found this site and all the wonderful people on it a great help. They were always so supportive when I posted. I listened to lots of relaxation tapes and found the abdominal breathing invaluable. I still use it if I feel a bit panicky. I attended the psychiatric nurse for quite a while and she gave me work sheets to do and also helped with mindfullness and tried EMDR. I also did a telephone recovery course with "No panic" (a different organisation from No More Panic) and also found their telephone helpline brilliant when I was sitting alone panicking like mad. Their helpliners are volunteers but really good. I must have phoned them dozens of times! I also pushed myself to go out and do things even though I felt like I would collapse. I didn't want to let this monster of anxiety get the better of me. It was so hard because I was so scared of what would happen to me although, of course, nothing ever did! It was just my mind fooling me.
Anyway, I have waffled for far too long. I never meant to write so much but I just wanted you to know how bad my life was and how good it is now. I honestly believe that if I can recover from the awful state I was in then so can you.
I hope this will help even one or two of you to have a bit of hope. Never give up. You can do it.
Sending hugs to you all.
Judy.x