couple of weeks ago an old friend got in contact with me and asked me if i'd like to join his pool team, and to join him for a practice session round his house i said yes, anyway on the day he was coming to pick me up i was a bag of nerves, there were gunna be three other people there i didnt no and the what if's were coming into my head fainting, anxiety attack and just generally making a foll of myself any way i got there took a bottle of squash with me, he had a load of beer in his fridge in the pool room and said help yourself i said i was fine on squash, once i settled down abit the nerves went away and i enjoyed the evening, we did exactly the same this tuesday again i stuck to my squash.
anyhow on friday we had our first match so we went to his house practised , then went to the pub we were playing against i was on lemonade . nervous but not really bad anyway i played the first 4 games and kicked ass so what did i do feeling great having not drunk for 8 days rewarded myself with four pints , i'd been really discplined before the match everyone had fish and chips and i had a horrible chicken sandwich on brown bread because of my cholestrol / pancretitis , and yet i really let myself down , ive been beating myself up ever since i feel very guilty i had a slight headache yesterday as i hadnt eaten much and the beer had gone to my head today im just feeling depressed as hell that i broke my promise to myself, i new all these matches would be in pubs and i told myself if i was gunna play in the team i was gunna do it sober i didnt even get past week one.
the crazy bit is i no how booze feeds my anxiety bigtime
Reply With Quote
