Hi Bill your response is thought provoking as always. I am a total opposite to my family and left home at 15 call it survival. Became totally independent strong and determined to not be reliant on anyone. I looked out for others. The GAD runs in my father's family. He worked permanent nights I barely saw him maybe minutes or few hours max each week. I would have been more likely to learn traits and behaviour from a neighbour or a friend.
I am a middle child neither older or younger. Read about middle child syndrome that has been extensivelysstudied. I will attest to those studies.
I like you have probably read everything I can on psychology brain chemistry meds behaviour. I will probably never stop. I need time understand what's going on with my head body and thoughts. I met my first psychiatrists at 12. Gave myself 20 years off and didn't see one again till last year. I lost a half million £ home a buisness two jobs my sister left her husband for a lesbian/transexual she met online and two relations died in the space of 7 days.
I had a complete breakdown. Diazepam was the interim fix . I was dribbling hysterical and out of my mind. No idea how I didn't get sectioned my grip on reality was slim. My only focus had to be keeping it together for my learning impaired nephew. Remaining just lucid enough not to be institutionalised but the police attended numerous times.
I have so to speak now opened Pandora's box. A peek at what's inside. I don't have to change but my life does. Because I threw all my focus on work. Workaholic GAD bad bad combo. I can't change myself. I didn't understand myself and I am proud of myself. I am fully aware of my good qualities and bad where they come from. I am even pretty happy in my own skin. I quite like myself. I just have to find a work life balance. minimise stress. deal with a few Demons.
I don't recall parts of my diazepam haze. I don't know if it really helped or made matters worse if my doctors had any other course of action. But the only time I have felt in control was the day I gave the pills back to my doctor. This is the best I have felt since June last year. All I know is weeks ago docs were talking about antipsychotics ssri' s and hospital. Today I am planning a bungee jump and I am me again.
maybe they served there purpose and the progabalin has me balanced. But this is my last post about Diazepam that chapter is closed Hannah x x