Anxiety and work

[skins12]

Last year my anxiety was that bad that I nearly lost my job because of it. I ended up on the sick for 3 months. My doctor changed my meds and also put me on diazapam for a while.

When I went back I was much better but now a few months later I am going back down hill. I had a few bad days last month and my manager had another chat with me. She basically told me again that I had to think about leaving again. She said that my area manager said to her that she has given me more support that any other manager would of given.

A couple of weeks later a rumour started about me apparently that I was going to end up sectioned which really upset me. After the bad days and the rumour I started doing ok again and my manger had another chat with me and said how I've been doing much better and whenever I have a bad day I need to chat to her and let her know so she can help me. I also told her about the rumour she said she would do something about it as it's bullying but I said I didn't want anything done about it as they don't understand and don't think the person meant it. I thought it was quite nice of her to offer help until I was doing some office stuff last week and accidently came across a document that was tittled with my name. I had a look at it and basically she is documenting any bad days I have and has been sending them to someone who I would assume is my area manager. I feel like I can't talk to her as now she will be documenting it.

I know I should leave the place as it's not good for me but its a safety net as I have been there 7 years. Even though I have applied for a few jobs, the thought of a new job scares me and makes me break down. I worry that I won't be able to cope because of my anxiety. I wish I could stay at home so I don't have to face my anxiety and fears in life but I know that's not possible. Sometimes I do actually wish I was sectioned.

I just wish there was more help out there as I feel trapped. I feel like seeing counsellors and my meds are not enough!!!!

xx

[Annie0904]

I am not sure they should be documenting evidence without your permission, if your boss is doing this it should be in a formal meeting where you have to sign whatever is documented. If you call ACAS they will be able to give you further advise and support http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1461

[Lucinda07]

Hi
The document detailing your "bad" days may have been produced to show that your manager is not neglecting her "duty of care" and to proove that she is offering you support. That way she can say that she did what she could & can't be criticised/blamed for not doing things properly.
When you have a meeting with your manager are there any notes written that you have a copy of? If not perhaps in future you could write a few & if there are any issues which are not tackled/resolved. Then these could be brought up at the next meeting. For example, if the horrible rumours recommence - it would show that it was not the first incident - but this time you may wish action to be taken.
I personally think your manager is trying to protect herself.
Is there a Union you could approach? I would take up Annie's suggestion and contact ACAS.
Perhaps there are stress courses,or 1 to 1 counselling available on the NHS in your area via "Talking Therapies". Sometimes it is possible to refer yourself without going to the GP. '
I realise things look very bad, but hang on in there & don't resign.
I understand how you feel about trusting your manager - I often think they are more concerned about covering their own backs than supporting the employee!.

[Sunshine77]

That must have been a horrible shock to find that document and I agree it does seem a bit sneaky but I agree with Lucinda that it's all about backside-covering. I've recently been referred to Occupational Health as I've been off 5 weeks and I know that however kind the OH people seem, it's all about proving that the business has done everything it can to support me. Of course I will be watched when I go back - I fully expect it. It's not nice but it's the business protecting itself.

The bullying rumours are something else altogether though; keep your own diary of this in case you need it.

Stick with it - as long as you're acting honestly and with integrity, you can do no more. Take good care x

[Lucinda07]

If things do not improve at work - rather than leave - perhaps your job could be changed in some way. Less hours, flexible hours, different duties.
Its something to consider.

[skins12]

Thanks for replying.

I understand the reason to protect herself but I would of prefered it if she said she was going to document it rather than me finding it.

My company hasn't got a union.

I haven't tried ACAS but I went to Citizens Advice after I had those bad days. They told me that I could claim for constructive dismissal. I haven't done this as my problems aren't continuous and only happen when I have my bad days and plus I don't think I could due to my anxiety.

No we don't take any notes. They aren't meetings, just like a quick chat to see how I am. I didn't even receive a back to work meeting when I came back from the sick.

I did drop my hours and some of my duties when I came back from the sick but had to increase my hours as I need the money.

I have been on meds and have been seeing psychistrists and counsellors since the age of 16. I am currently receiving counselling from face2face from the youth service which is continuous apart from the school hols. However I will have to go back to the NHS as It's only up until the age of 25 which I will be in August. I'm not looking forward to going back to them as its not continuous like face2face is.

xx