2013 Agoraphobia Thread

[little wren]

little wren. What are you frightened will happen to you if you go out alone, even to the bins? Can you explain it to us. It doesn't matter how silly it might feel to express it, we all have our thoughts that are equally daft. Just seeing it written down may take some of the fear away for you and maybe between us we can break it down into something less threatening for you to manage.

Thank you so much flossie for helping me to 'hear' myself. Hearing it come back to me has shown me my thoughts became caught up in the 'i can't do it' mentality. The fear of going to bins (my bins are actually set away from the house and garden) stemmed from a very real threat a year ago but I needed to remind myself that threat no longer exists. Ive been to the bins - no probs whatsoever - I just need to keep reminding myself to just do it!

[flossie]

I find that sometimes just realising how absurd my fears are in reality and laughing at them can help. They are still there but it lessens the importance I have placed on them.

[fishman65]

I'm reading some excellent analysis in this thread,your post back there was quite brilliant Flossie.And as I was reading I was thinking 'yep that's me'.Isn't it incredible how similar we all are.

One thing to remember is that anxiety is a liar.It tells us 'going outside is going to be a nightmare,you're going to be a total mess'.But 9 times out of 10,its not as bad as the anxiety said it would be,and we find ourselves feeling much better than anticipated.I was like that this morning while pruning shrubs in my back garden.I was thinking 'oh no,what if Sarah (my neighbour) is out in her garden too and wants to talk?'

But when I was out there,she wasn't anywhere to be seen and because I felt ok,I was disappointed!! How crazy is that??

[flossie]

If your neighbour does come out into her garden and stops to chat just go with the flow. Use her as practise for when the time comes to meeting someone another time. Practise practise practise. You will find some days are easier than others but don't be put off if you have a fidgety experience. You can stop the conversation at any time. I cannot tell you the number of times I have used the 'I must go, I need to spend a penny' line. After all, Sarah will do the same when she needs to move on. We are not obliged to wait until the other person decides it is time to go. We can take charge too.
If Sarah is nice and someone you can trust then just be open with her. We all have our own wishes whether or not to tell our friends but I don't hide my anxiety issues. Mine accept that sometimes I can't stand still or stop to talk for long so if I disappear it isn't interpreted as me being offhand, it's just part of my character.
Our anxiety is a liar but it is also a bully. Treat that bully with the contempt it deserves.

[little wren]

Pinktel - thanks. I think as I am just starting the literature it will probs take me a bit of time to actually really understand it. Yes, small steps - hope you are getting on well with the CBT - let us know how it is working for you. It is nice to hear positive stories - little wren x

[bernie1977]

If any of my fellow agoraphobics are logged I need yor help and advice please.

I was assigned a support worker by my CPN last year. She's a lovely lady and managed to get me out of the house! I've managed to build up to a 5-10 minute walk where I live. I can in my local shop when it's not busy. I'm also managing to take myself for drives in the local area, which I enjoy as long as I don't encounter any queues!

the support worker has been a great help in my achievements. I feel comfortable with her, as one of my main fears is embarrassment in front of others this helps a great deal. I was told recently she's retiring, I was distraught. I had a choice of two other support workers, one male one female. My CPN advised me to go with the male as the female was near retirement age and she didn't want me to be in the same situation again with someone leaving.

I was distraught about my current SW leaving as I have trust in her and terrified of having to meet someone new. I have trouble meeting new people. The CPN and SW are the only people I have in my home as other people cause me to have panic attacks, even my own family. Time has passed since I was told and I'm to meet the new SW with my CPN tomorrow at my home. I'm terrified I'll have a panic attack in front of him and I won't be able to stay calm so I'll have to ask them to leave. This happened a couple of times when I was first assigned help, I couldn't cope with them in my house as I have to be alone when having a panic attack as I don't want to be ill in front of anyone.

My stomach is on fast spin and I hardly slept last night so I can't imagine what I'll be like tomorrow when the visit is due.

The negative voice in my head is telling me to ring up and cancel, but that won't achieve anything so I won't. I want to get better and the support worker can help me to get better but I'm so scared.

Any advice would be much appreciated as i need someone to talk some sense into me!

[sandramick]

ah bernie i feel for u
i too hate change . if everything stays the same an i feel safe i can cope ,anything new and different and i go to pieces .

u have been doing really well going for small walks and quiet shops well done

its a rel shame that u are loosing the support worker who u trust but u have to stay possitive your new support worker might be even nicer they have lots of experiance so wont worry at all if you panic they will understand thats what they there for .

try not to get too worked up "pot kettle black comes to mind "lol
dont cancel give it a go

good luck hope all goes well for u tomorrow

sandra xx

[bernie1977]

Thank you Sandra.

It's hard to put into practice what we tell others isn't it??!! It's all about common sense really. I'm sure the support worker has seen people have panic attacks a thousand times, he may even of had one himself. If I have one in front of him so what. Then that voice that I hate says you might be sick in front of him, faint in front of him. I then tell that voice this has never happened before and that voice says there's a first time for everything. It's crazy!

[Pinktel]

Bernie, it's a horrid time for you and you won't want to hear my advice but I'm going to say it anyhow

Until you get past your fear of panic attacks infront of others you can't expect to move on, you will continue to live in terror moving from one thing to the next, never relaxed, never confident, never truly enjoying any little trip out. Because the threat of having a panic infront of others will never be removed unless you live as a hermit in the outer Hebrides. It will lurk in the back of your mind always.

I know because I speak from experience.

The most powerful thing you could do is allow yourself to lose it infront of your helpers or family or friends. And I know that is the thing we just cannot imagine doing, it would almost be like a death for us. And in a way it is, it would signal the beginning of the death of your panic and anxiety. You would be chipping away at the hold it has on you. You would be doing the one thing your panic instructs you NEVER to do at all costs, ie, panic infront of others.

It took me 20 years to admit to others and have the odd panic infront of people. I am not suggesting go into Sainsburys and flail around on the floor by the check out screaming and struggling to breathe, but at least to start with in your own home, could you not be really really really brave and take a leap of faith on it and see what happens when you panic infront of a carer..... Bet you would be surprised at their response. If they are worth their salt they will remain calm and just leave you to do what you have to do. Once the adrenaline has left your system you will feel very proud of yourself and they will have a clearer vision of your needs

[bernie1977]

Hi Pinktel thanks for your reply. I understand and agree 100% with what you say.

I've had numerous panic attacks in front of my current support worker and CPN. As I got used to their visits I didn't worry about having attacks in front of them as I felt comfortable with them, so of course the panic attacks stopped. It's more than likely I'll have one tomorrow in front of the new support worker but I'm sure I'll get used to him and the panic will subside.

It really all is about common sense but I feel like my mind is split in two. One side is rational and trying to talk sense then I have the panic side which attacks everything the rational side says.

Talking like we are doing now I'm not feeling any fear but I know I'll wake up in state tomorrow and want to cancel. I know I'm wrong to predict this will happen as its like I'm going to make it happen by thinking ths way. I need to learn to ignore the negative thought part for my brain.

Thank you for replying Pinktel it's great to hear about people who having success with recovery as it gives me hope and makes me see it's possible if you put the work in.