Warning this could be a long one!!
Hi guys
Not been around for a while for several reason, firstly I was on holiday last week and the week before and before that I was feeling a bit more positive. But guess what it's all going wrong. There are some positive things too though.
Well on my two weeks off, I had a day in London where I felt the best I have in a long time, no 100%, but coping well. Spent the day sightseeing and the evening (a friday too!) in a bar in Covent Garden and it was my idea. This from the girl who won't go out at night in Nottingham and especially not on a friday. Even go the train there too.
The next day though I survived the morning but kept feeling really odd like suddenly my head would feel all tight and as though pressure built up in it and it was going to explode within seconds. Also I had derealisation for about an hour or so, but still I struggled on, scared but not wanting to give in
I thought hey why not even try Harrods on a Sat pm. Big mistake, firstly we walked there, as there were tube works (had done loads of rides the day before though). Was a lot further than it looked on the map.Got to Knightbridge and my head started to feel weird. Got to the door of Harrods and got a shooting pain in the back of my head, felt like head would explode. Went inside and felt like I would keel over any minute, got very hot and then had urgent need to go to the loo. Of course this meant going deeper into the store. Found one eventually and stomach was upset and I felt very hot. Really wanted to run out but decided we were going to have drink if nothing else. Was feeling as though floor was unsteady by this time, but managed a drink eventhough I started hyperventilating whilst waiting for it. An embarrassed look from Dave soon put pay to that though. Poor thing, the things I put him through. Survived though even if we didn't do much browsing, felt off on the way home when the train broke down but got through it.
So that was the first week out of the way, had also done a day at Meadowhall, where I felt very wobbly but still carried on.
Last week we decided to go to Cornwall. We booked last minute and when we got there it was beautiful. We ate out, did some long coastal walks and visited various towns. I felt headachey a lot of the time we were there and had some spectacular feelings in the car as though my head was going burst (which came on in secs and made me hyperventilate). But I was there. However, as the week went on, I started to get more horrible feelings. It started to become that I felt horrible everytime I went into a shop, the floor would feel like it was moving and I'd get quite warm on occasion. Also there were a few times when I had the urgent need to use the bathroom. But still I plodded on. I wasn't going to ruin things. That was until Saturday.
We spent the day wandering around Bude and I had a large strong cappuchino about I guess 2pm. Then we went for a walk, back to the apartment, had some wine, went out and had a little more wine and ate - well fish and chips on the cliffs anyway. I didn't feel like drinking much and we decided to go back home early. Dave was still hungry and as I'd agreed that we could eat what we wanted on hol, I relented into letting him buy a small pizza on the way home (honestly I think he got in all the junk food you could possibly think of in a few days).
Whilst I was in the car waiting for him, my legs and arms started to feel kind of tingly. Not really like pins and needles and not really a pain but more of a cross between the two. I had to shake them as they were so uncomfortable. It was like a mild constant electrical shock feeling. Had it before once or twice but not as bad.
Got home and it continued but not as bad. I had a bit of pizza and decided to go to bed about an hour later. When I stood up the tops of my legs felt really weird. Like they were about to become paralyzed but I could still walk. Very strange. (Don't worry not much more to go)
So off to sleep I went, I woke when Dave got up to go to the bathroom
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]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
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