Bit personal but....

[*Luthien*]

...this is something I feel that I have to ask and talk about but it's quite personal!!

For the last few months...well, I say few, I mean roughly 5 months or so, my sex drive has been ....extremely low! Like, I have zero drive. I am with my boyfriend of 7 and a half years and I still love him, am still attracted to him..but I am just not interested in sex at the moment.

I am 26 years old, so still young and I WANT to be interested in it again! This has never happened to me before, I have always had a healthy libido and my friends have joked that me and my bf are still at it like we're still teenagers in love. But now it's just stopped!!

When I had my first serious phase of anxiety this didn't happen, so this time around I wasn't sure it was anxiety. I am travelling and working around Australia at the moment, so I was coming up with excuses like, it's too hot..and I'm too tired after work, etc. But that wasn't really the reason. I couldn't actually come up with a reason! Then my boyfriend (understandably) got upset and thought it was because I didn't fancy him anymore and I had to convince him that wasn't the reason, I felt so bad.

Now I'm not saying I've gone without it for 5 months. It's just that it takes me a long time to get in the mood and most of the time I just can't get excited by it. And then there are some occasions when I DO enjoy it and it's like normal.

All I am really trying to ask is, is there anyone else out there that this happens to because of their anxiety...(because I definitely think that is the reason for this) and how do you cope with it if you're in a long term r/ship? Is there a way to get back in the mood? I just hate that stress and worrying is affecting every part of my life and the things I actually enjoy about my life and my r/ship!!

Thanks! a blushing *Luthien*

[Luckyduck]

Tell him exactly what you have written. He will understand more than lying to him. Also try different things to get you in the mood like toys or foreplay. Just relax. Have nice cuddles,kisses you can be imtimate without having penatrative sex. Hope this helps

[Kimberley456]

Hi I'm going through this to. I told my bf and he was really understanding about it. Just talk to you bf and just explain how your feeling he will feel happier if you talk to him about it. X

[sezzy5889]

I'm having the same problem right now, my anxiety is high because of my emet and i get anxious just thinking about sex...

Its happening about once a week, but i'm only enjoying it probably one out of 4 times, the rest is for him.

Sometimes i really can't face it and say i'm feeling really anxious, he doesn't really understand or believe in the whole anxiety thing so he does get grumpy about it, but what can you do aye, i won't put sex before my health unfortunately so he will have to accept it and trust me.

[Rennie1989]

This is happening to me too. And I haven't *coughclimaxedcough* in months either. Boyfriend is very understanding about it. If he loves you then he will understand just.... be ready if he gets a bit frustrated, if you catch my drift.

[Sparkle1984]

This is a well-known side effect of many anxiety/depression meds. What are you on?

[BridgetW]

Communication is the key to a great relationship. Give him the opportunity to fulfill his role in supporting you through this. You both will grow stronger together. I have been through this myself.

[*Luthien*]

Woah, I am so glad to see that it's not just me!! I have talked to my boyfriend so he does know the reason. The problem is that because I am now aware that it may be my anxiety, I actually get stressed worrying about getting stressed!! And so when I know my bf is in the mood and wants to, even if I could have been in the mood, my anxiety completely blocks me off.

So that's when he gets frustrated when we haven't done it in a while and when I've had a good day so he thinks I'm fine and then I freak out about having sex. But for the most part he is understanding I still feel bad because sex used to be such a big part of our r/ship. We still cuddle and kiss and are generally affectionate people anyway, so at least we still have intimacy.
But I feel that it's definitely affecting my self confidence; I'm not feeling in the mood and I'm not feeling sexy!

I'm not on any meds for my anxiety as it only started to be bad again 8 months after I had been in Australia and I am still in Oz, on a backpackers budget, cannot afford doc's appointments or prescriptions! I was on the contraceptive pill up until a few weeks ago. I had read that may affect it, but it's the same one I've been on for years so not sure about it.

So I definitely think it linked to anxiety and I just need to stop stressing about it, but I've been trying for months now and it's not changing!! :(

*Luthien*