Relationship anxiety

[underconstumble]

Im a 21 year old female from Australia. Im in a loving relationship with my fiance. We have been together for 2 and a half years and engaged for a bit over a year. We have been living together for almost the whole time we have been together. The time Ive had with him has been the best of my life.

Ive always suffered from anxiety (couldnt sleep for months when I was 8 because I though aliens were coming to get me. Also obsessed over global warming when I was 15 and refused to watch or listen to anything to do with it because I was so sure the world would end any day and was terrified)
My anxiety seemingly went away when I met my Fiance. The last few months I have been having niggling thoughts - "what if he's not the one", "you should end it because you dont really love him", this isnt going to last"

Everytime I did something to do with our wedding (we have set a date and booked almost everything) those thoughts would sneak into my mind. Last week my friends got married and the thoughts said "you wont be that happy, youre only settling, not in love like those two" This triggered a series of anxiety attacks and a lot of heartache.

Ive got an appointment with a psych nurse in two days but in the meantime Im wondering if anyone else has had similar problems. And what did you do to help them.
Also how did you explain your feelings to your partner?

P.S sorry for the essay

[Daisy Sue]

I would say try not to listen to these thoughts, nor put any kind of importance on them... it is just your anxiety reacting to your current stress which is the wedding..

If you were facing a house move, or a new job, you'd probably have anxiety over that rather than your partner.. anxiety picks our weak spots and triggers.

& sometimes we have a poor view of ourselves, and think we don't deserve true happiness... maybe that is part of it? But you do, and your chap sounds lovely - I think you'd know by now if he wasn't the right one for you.

Good luck with your nurse appointment, and I hope you can banish these thoughts very soon.

[underconstumble]

Thanks daisy sue. I went to my appointment and she didn't help at all. Didn't even offer any advice! Im going to try see someone else. I went and looked at wedding rings with my fiance today and the nasty thoughts are here now loud and clear. They're telling me he's not the one for me and its all going to fall apart. its absolute hell inside my head now. i just want to feel happy and excited but feel the opposite

[Sunshine77]

What does your gut instinct say? And your heart?

I have learnt that I can't always trust my head to deliver the right thoughts to me. But my heart and gut are always honest.

I got married to my wonderful husband last October. I had all the same doubts as you. We had a few silly arguments in the run-up to the wedding, which I think is inevitable with that much planning going on. Well I blew these arguments up in my head to something that meant I shouldn't marry him! Thankfully I talked it through with close friends and realised that it was my head playing games. My gut and heart always adored him. I didn't tell him how I was feeling as I knew it was nuts and I didn't want to hurt him. Have you other people you can share these feelings with rather than your fiance?

Since the wedding I have had an anxiety meltdown (NOT as a result of the marriage I hasten to add!!!) and he has been amazing. I cannot imagine what I would have done without him.

You say you have had the happiest time of your life with this man - hang onto that thought at all costs!

I wish you well xx

[Rachy-Rach]

I just got married in October and hun, it is perfectly natural to have the odd negative thought. It's kind of a big decision to spent the rest of your life with someone and you are right not to take it lightly! You'd be strange if you did.

Ask yourself how you would feel if you were no longer with him? If you walked away from him?

Ultimately only you know if he is right for you. Personally I had doubts every now and then wondering if I was doing the right thing. But I wouldn't know what I was doing without him, it would be like cutting off my leg. We're a team and that's that. Not everyone's relationship is like that but you will know in your heart what is right.

When is it booked for? I'd say don't tell him you're unsure of the two of you. Just ask yourself. If it's wrong walk away. If you know it's right, have an incredible life together xx