Just when I thought I had a hold on things......

[Lozzie]

Well haven't been on here for a while thought I'd update.

My panic attacks seemed to be getting better, I could take my dog for a walk on my own no problems and last thursday I managed to go out with a couple of friends for a drink in a busy pub and felt ABSOLUTELY fine!! I only had one slight Panic attack on way there but managed to take my mind off it and had a fabulous time out!! Afterwards I was so chuffed with myself I even cried!! I was that HAPPY again!! That night I even stayed round my mums house without a panic.
The following day I felt like I could take on the world[8D] I felt fantastic and felt like things were finally improving and then......

yesterday happened, I was meant to meet one of my friends for a few drinks and then stay round there house. I REALLY REALLY wanted to go but something inside me was just saying "you cant do it, ur a failure" after practically all night debating on wether to go or not, I didnt. I feel terrible for lettin my friend down:(

I got really angry with myself and last night locked myself in bathroom and sat with the scissors in my hand ready to cut myself to in a way punish myself.

I have cut myself before a long time ago but I got over it but last night I really wanted to cut myself bad but I didnt:(

I just feel awful today and have lost all hope of getting back to that happy feeling again:(:(

Laura xx

[carlin]

Hi Laura, am not trying to patronise you, but you sound as if you have been doing so well? Even when you felt your lowest last night, you didn't cut yourself, cos you were in control and i think that is fantastic. Everyone has bad days, and that's exactly what it was a real bad one!!! You won't go back down the same old route, you have been, there, done that and didn't like it! Explain to your friends what's going on, i am sure they will understand and encourage you, forget the bad thoughts, cos, that's what they are thoughts.... find out the next outing and go for it, you can always make an excuse and leave if you don't feel up for it. sorry no help, but you have come such a long way, and i promise you will be out there again soon mate! xxxx

[Lozzie]

Thanks Carlin I appreciate the reply xx

I just feel like such a failure:(

Thats why i want to cut myself to let the anger at myself out and somehow punish myself for not going out

I just feel awful today and cant see a way out

[net]

relapses happen but it will pass and the good thing is that although you wanted to cut yourself and had the scissors in your hand you didnt do it focus on that. there will be other chances to go out and next tme you'll probaly be able to go.
i've been in a similar situation where i was doing really great and then suddenly i couldnt go out this was just a few weeks ago but am now working my way back to going out and acheived it last night with friends

netty

the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[Insomniac]

Hi Laura

Glad u posted. Must just say I'm so glad for you that you managed to control yourself with the cutting. Well done honey.

You've done so well with going out and staying round your mum's too. Thats great. Try not to give yourself a hard time. (Thats easier to say than do I know.) But none of us want to be like this and wouldn't be if we could help it.

Taking small steps is the best way. You achieved a lot. Don't feel bad cos you didn't manage everything! Keep the good stuff in mind. Maybe try writing down your achievements in the day. I used to do that (I should do it again!). Even if its getting the washing done, or hoovering, or going to the shop. Whatever it is write in a little book. Then you can remind yourself of how much you ARE doing.

The ups and downs are wearing. But we do all have them. and slow progress is usually the strongest and most lasting kind. Hang in there, you're doing great.

Lisa.

[Lindalou64]

laura dont feel like a failure please you did well....and theres gonna be days where u feel blahh but dont i repeat dont beat yourself up about it........next time when u feel good and go out and plan on going again ..gooooooooo...the feeling will subside it showed you u werent thinkin of it when u were having fun.that are problem we think to much including myself i know ........so keep up the good work you can do it and u will hun.......tc xxxxxxxxxxx Linda[8D]

[mad_shell66]

laura,
i can understand you are upset but self harm really isnt the answer. if there wasnt a way out of this then you wouldnt have managed to go out the first time. you dont need to punish youeself. you havent done anything wrong. you have a life ahead of you and ways of coping and getting over this. you have done real well to go out with your friends to the pub so well done!!!!!!
if you need anyone to talk to then dont be afraid to pm me.
im always here if you want to talk. ive tried self harm myself but by overdosing. and its not the right thing to do
shell xxxx

[rosebud]

Hi Laura

You did really well. Don't punish yourself for having a bad day. You are getting there, it was just a bad day nothing more nothing less. We all have them, we no how you feel. Stay positive you will get there.

Love Rosebudxxx

[Meg]

Laura

You have been doing brilliantly. We ALL got blips on our road to recovery and that road is bumpy and we all slip once in a while.

You do need to look back over the past weeks and see all the wonderful things you've achieved and hold those close to you for when it all gets a bit too much and you need some comfort.

THis blip is temporary - you have been getting out and about more and you will do again. You have to dig deep and recall how good it felt when you were doing well and us ethose feelings and memories to motivate yourself to JFDI it again.

Beating yourself up over a slight blip is of no benefit at all. We prefer respond to kindness much better than punishment and your reality is that you have achieved so much and can do again..

Good luck

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress