Mental Health Crisis Team

[steveo]

Well I had my appointment on Monday morning and was told that I would hear something more than likely by the afternoon. Wednesday is now over and still heard nothing.

Is this the norm? I don't have a contact number for them so I've had to do all my contact via the GP and when they've called me it's been from a private number.

As the medication is kicking in further, my anxiety seems to be numbing EVER so slightly but my diazapam usage has been increasing. I also appear to be sinking deeper and deeper into depression. Some good days but now most of my days in the week are spent sleeping in bed like today. I seem to be doing this more and more often.

I need some outside help from a professional. I even emailed a few private CBT people down here in Cornwall on Monday night to no reply from any of them.

I don't understand. I feel very very low.

[ruthless]

Hi Stevo
I know how crippling the anxiety can be, but you need to be careful with the amount of Diazepam you are taking. It's probably the Diazepam making you sleep so much, and being dependant on Diazepam only to help your symptoms may lead to more problems in the long term.
If you haven't had a call from the mental health/crisis team tomorrow, I would be straight on to the GP to find out what is (or not) happening

[steveo]

I've just been taking about 4mg - 6mg a day. 2mg with my morning meds and then 2mg just before 6pm. And if I feel a bit more panicky later on before bed I take another 2mg. Been doing this for about a month now.

Should I ease off the diazapam now do you think?

[Pipkin]

Steven,

I try not to give advice too often as I don't believe I know any better than anyone else in relation to alleviating anxiety as we're all very different. However, reading your posts and your blog, I feel like I need to try and help.

This isn't going to sound particularly helpful but I firmly believe it's part of your road to recovery. I know when you feel as bad as you do, all you want to do is stay in bed and try to block out everything that's going on around you. I've been there so many times and just felt like I wanted to sleep and couldn't face anything. The last thing in the world you want to do is get out and about. That's just what you have to do though.

No matter how you feel, it's really important that you start to get yourself back into a healthy routine. You'll think you can't do it but you can. Start by setting your alarm to get up earlier, have breakfast, a shower and then go out. It doesn't matter what you do: go for a bike ride, a walk (can you offer to walk a neighbour's dog or maybe your dad's girlfriend's?), take your camera with you and take some photos each day that represent how you're feeling. Anything just to start to do something regularly that gets you out of the house. Are there any groups you can join in whilst you're staying with your dad?

Eat at regular times and, if you're tired late afternoon, have a short nap but just don't stay in bed for ages. You're probably thinking that this is pretty useless advice but I promise you that it's the one thing that will make a massive difference to you. Honest!

Btw, a video blog sounds like a good idea. Fit it in to your new routine and spend an hour or so planning what you want to cover. As a creative type, I bet you could make it really interesting. You could even film it in a different place each day when you're out. I'm sure you've got some lovely locations where you are at the minute in the South-West.

On a final note, I can't advise on diazepam use as I've always refused to take it when offered it by my GP. However, I know it can be really useful for short-term relief but that it can cause lower moods. I guess you're the best judge of balancing your need to relieve your anxiety with any detrimental effect it has on your mood. Less is more though.

Good luck and take care

Pip

[Serenitie]

Steven,

I try not to give advice too often as I don't believe I know any better than anyone else in relation to alleviating anxiety as we're all very different. However, reading your posts and your blog, I feel like I need to try and help.

This isn't going to sound particularly helpful but I firmly believe it's part of your road to recovery. I know when you feel as bad as you do, all you want to do is stay in bed and try to block out everything that's going on around you. I've been there so many times and just felt like I wanted to sleep and couldn't face anything. The last thing in the world you want to do is get out and about. That's just what you have to do though.

No matter how you feel, it's really important that you start to get yourself back into a healthy routine. You'll think you can't do it but you can. Start by setting your alarm to get up earlier, have breakfast, a shower and then go out. It doesn't matter what you do: go for a bike ride, a walk (can you offer to walk a neighbour's dog or maybe your dad's girlfriend's?), take your camera with you and take some photos each day that represent how you're feeling. Anything just to start to do something regularly that gets you out of the house. Are there any groups you can join in whilst you're staying with your dad?

Eat at regular times and, if you're tired late afternoon, have a short nap but just don't stay in bed for ages. You're probably thinking that this is pretty useless advice but I promise you that it's the one thing that will make a massive difference to you. Honest!

Btw, a video blog sounds like a good idea. Fit it in to your new routine and spend an hour or so planning what you want to cover. As a creative type, I bet you could make it really interesting. You could even film it in a different place each day when you're out. I'm sure you've got some lovely locations where you are at the minute in the South-West.

On a final note, I can't advise on diazepam use as I've always refused to take it when offered it by my GP. However, I know it can be really useful for short-term relief but that it can cause lower moods. I guess you're the best judge of balancing your need to relieve your anxiety with any detrimental effect it has on your mood. Less is more though.

Good luck and take care

Pip

Great advice!

[steveo]

That is fantastic advice. A very hard pillow to swallow though but it is the right pill.

I want to give up. I really do. I've had over 2 months of this at a rather extreme level and I feel I've tried so hard but all for nothing. I haven't spent this entire 2 months in bed. I've had times where I've been able to go out to the gym and go out in the car etc but then I'll have a huge panic attack and that will put me out of action and straight back to square one. And even if I do go on a walk or a bike ride and I don't feel overly anxious, I'll still think, "Well, I was anxious and I'm glad I'm home now so because it made me feel anxious I won't really want to do that again tomorrow.".

What's even worse is, I've been getting such a fear of a changed situation that even coming home can be frightening. I went for a walk with my dad the other night and I felt scared but towards the end of the walk I felt fine. Then I started worrying about coming back home because I felt so fine out there! So I came home and felt very anxious all over again and ended up having a huge panic attack in my own bedroom, my own 'safe zone'.

So yes I probably can leave the house with not too many problems but then I will be scared of coming back home and even if I feel slightly shakey, it will put me off doing it again, and feeling worse will make me think I'm not getting any better still which in turn will make me feel worse. So right now I've given up. Because I've tried everything for 2 months. And 2 months, the Citalopram should be doing something and I don't really feel it's meeting me half way. Plus I've been a month of a small dose of Diazapam each day which I'm going to start decreasing as I can't rely on that. Being on Diazapam have been the only days I've managed to do anything.

I just feel like I've tried the helping myself approach three or four times during these last 2 months and each time it's ended with a bang which deflated me even further down in that tunnel than each time before. So I feel disheartened. I feel depressed and tired because of this.
Plus my depersonalisation is horrible and constant apart from on diazapam.

Grrrrrrr

[steveo]

And now my dads literally had enough of me being in my room all day. He's annoyed that I'm not better. He doesn't know what's going through my head.

[Pipkin]

Steven,

I completely understand what you're saying and I know how hard it is. Don't give up though. I stand by what I said as I believe it's the routine that's important, not what you do. You'll know from your CBT that you're in the vicious circle of avoidance that you have to try and break. Remember, no matter how terrible you feel, it won't hurt you. The hard part is convincing your brain of that. The more you avoid though, the more your brain thinks something's wrong.

The only other thing I could share from my experience is that, when I've been really bad, beta blockers have been an absolute life-saver. I know they don't work for everyone but they completely eliminate my physical symptoms. I just simply can't panic when I take them. It may be worth mentioning to your GP as diazepam clearly isn't helping your depression.

Take care

Pip

[steveo]

I felt so low tonight that I took a stanley knife and cut the back of my left hand up. It was a cry for help. I told my dad as I was shaking and in tears.

He rang the out of hours mental health team. They weren't concered. He rang the out of hours GP and they asked for about 30 mins about the cut more than my state of mind.

The cuts are very minor. Very small scratches. I've felt suicidal now for a couple of weeks and its getting worse. I need help and no professionals are willing to give me help.
My mood might be my Citalopram and or diazapam which I haven't taken any of today.

[Pipkin]

Steven,

Don't give up matey - remember that you've got friends on here who will give you support and who understand what you're going through. We're all in this together and it could be any one of us needing support next week and I hope you're here to give it.

Please get an emergency appointment with your GP tomorrow and discuss this. If you feel like hurting yourself again tonight, go and fetch your dad.

Take care

Pip