Mental Health Crisis Team

[Serenitie]

I don't feel like I can get out of bed. I managed to yesterday. I feel so alien and unreal today and constantly shaking. Whenever I try to get out of bed or do something I start shaking, crying and dry heaving.
The 2.5mg Diaz has helped ever so slightly.

I don't know how it's possible to feel constantly this scared and not myself. I'm so so scared.

This can't be possible to keep on going.

Steven

Hi Steven,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a bad day

The crying & dry heaving was something that I only experienced while I was taking and withdrawing from Citalopram. I've never experienced this on Escitalopram, so this should pass in the next few days or so as citalopram leaves your system. These side effects increased for me when I was stressed and worried so reducing your stress as best you can should reduce these symptoms.

Please do whatever works to reduce your stress or distract yourself. Play computer games, watch something short on TV or part of a film that captures your full attention. If you can do 10 minutes of exercise or stretching, that will release some tension and stress from your body.Why not try the yoga site that I mentioned? Find something, whatever it may be, to alleviate your anxiety and physical tension to help you through this period.

I know that it is far from easy, but it is preferable to being caught up in a cycle of anxiety on top of changing medication. Actively doing things to ease my tension and reduce stress was what got me through this period.

Please remember to eat small regular amounts whether you are hungry or not and keep hydrated to reduce side effects including DP, DR, dizziness and shaking.

Manage your expectations to avoid further frustration. Remind yourself that your body has been bombarded with medication and changes in doses for several months and needs time to recover and accommodate your new medication.

Give your body the time to do this and let it guide you towards what helps. If you feel tired, sleep. If you feel agitated try to release physical energy. If you have negative thoughts and anxiety play a game to refocus your attention and distract you. You should start seeing improvements slowly. Acknowledge the smallest improvement and build on it.

Be kind to and patient with your body, Steven.

You are in my thoughts

Cat xxx

[Lissa101]

Oh Steven :( Great advice from Serenite - I hope some of it helps. Do you relax in the evenings or are you feeling bad all day long? xxx

[steveo]

It's all day. There is no rest. Sometimes between 2pm and 5pm are my best hours. It's furthest away from both waking up and going to sleep.

[Lissa101]

Sorry to be nosey but are you still together with your girlfriend? Perhaps seeing her will help a little... ?

I had a little google because I was thinking of you this afternoon and I found a website which is a community of photographers living with mental health problems. Perhaps this would help in your recovery? x

http://brokenlightcollective.wordpress.com/
We are photographers living with, or affected by, mental illness; supporting each other one photograph at a time. Join our community, submit today!

[steveo]

You're not being the least bit nosey Lissa. Yeah we are still together but I've moved back to Cornwall to be with my dad and she's in London working but we did skype each other tonight which really put a smile on my face. I miss her so so much and shes wonderful. As soon as I get myself well, I'm going to take her on holiday and ask her to marry me. We are supposed to be moving in together this year as shes moving back to Wales.

Thanks for the website link also! Looks fantastic!

Today has been bloody horrible. I woke up and really really really struggled to start my dad. Felt so so tired from loads of broken sleep and very crazy dreams. I seem to wake up after each dream until I'm finally awake at 6ish and can't really get back to sleep. Then I have this whole day ahead of me. Fatigue doesn't really go until late afternoon. For the last three days my appetite has reduced to zero again so my dad has some high calorie suppliments (Complain) he puts in milk for me. I'm having a couple of them a day, plus smoothies, orange juice, loads and loads of water, and some grapes. The thought of food is making me gag very badly. I'm in such a high state of nerves that it doesn't take alot to set me off gagging which has led to me being sick twice today.

I was a crying wreck in my for most of this morning until around midday when I forced myself to get up and shower. Went downstairs with my dad and we played some word game on my phone. I got more and more nervous though and couldn't concentrate and curled up into a ball on the sofa and started crying uncontrollably again. My dad just sat next to me and put his arm on me. I fell asleep like that, rather broken sleep though, for just over an hour. Felt a tiny bit better when I woke up. Played some more word games and read some Claire Weekes - Self Help for your nerves. Almost the perfect book as it deals with a nervous breakdown, although the symptoms she discusses are almost all physical such as rapid heart and churning stomach etc, and I'm not really bothered by any of them.
To sum it up, almost every single day I feel like I have the worst hangover ever. That's another reason I want my bloods done, just to put my mind at rest that nothing sinister is at play here, although I don't really suspect that it is.

I'm having to start taking more diazapam again unfortunately but it's the only thing getting me through my days so I'll worry about that further down the line. For now, it's either constant suffering or something to take the edge off ever so slightly.

Skyping my beautiful girlfriend tonight was so lovely. I miss her so much and I love her to pieces. (sorry for being a soppy *******!)

It put a smile on my face. Just got into bed now. Takes me a while to settle down and relax before I sleep. So going to put some nice TV on or read or play some more words with friends. Might listen to the Claire Weekes stuff too. It seems my 'WHAT IF' anxiety has come back really really badly over this last week which is causing most of my problems right now. My chatter box went away for quite a while allowing me to live a little bit better but right now, its back and doesn't want to leave. A diazapam get's rid of that slightly.

I'm still just so exhausted. Everything I do is the biggest effort. Even standing up for too long. Having my bloods done will confirm to me that this is all just caused by a constantly anxious mind but it's an on going circle as the more anxious I get, the more exhausted I get etc etc and round and round.

Wouldn't know where I'd be without my support network of you lot on here. You're all such wonderful human beings and I don't think you all realise how much of a positive impact you are having on my life right now. It may just be a few words from you but to me it's alot more than that so thankyou again.

I hope you are all well too. I realise I'm not the only person on here with problems!

Steven xxx

[Lissa101]

As soon as I get myself well, I'm going to take her on holiday and ask her to marry me.

Wow! Definitly something to look forward to! The very fact you're looking towards the future shows that you're taking the right steps to get yourself out of this, even if it doesn't feel that way.

Hope you're having a good day. I'm a nervous wreck but only because I have my driving lesson in 10 mins. Two hours of being in a small space with someone and trying to focus at the same time always sends me mad with panic

xxx

[Serenitie]

Hi Steven

Just checking in on you to see how you are doing?

I hope that your weekend is kind to you.

Cat x

[steveo]

Hi Cat.

My days are getting slowly (very slowly) better.

Am not curled up in a ball crying anymore. Mornings are very very difficult times for me at the moment. Finding it really hard to start my day. I do get up each day and have a shower and go downstairs though. The days then get better than the mornings. I am on diazapam though.

I am so exhausted, I almost feel as if I have the flu. Managed to eat a small cheese sandwich today which is the first bit of proper food I've had in a fair few days. Need to keep this up now!

How are you Cat? xxx

[Serenitie]

Hi Cat.

My days are getting slowly (very slowly) better.

Am not curled up in a ball crying anymore. Mornings are very very difficult times for me at the moment. Finding it really hard to start my day. I do get up each day and have a shower and go downstairs though. The days then get better than the mornings. I am on diazapam though.

I am so exhausted, I almost feel as if I have the flu. Managed to eat a small cheese sandwich today which is the first bit of proper food I've had in a fair few days. Need to keep this up now!

How are you Cat? xxx

Hi Steven!

I am so glad that you are seeing progress no matter how small. It must provide you with a little relief and the hope that you needed to regain in your future

I have started a journey of my own this week. After several weeks of research and watching numerous documentaries I am embarking on a raw diet and nutritional therapy to boost my emotional, mental and physical health. Not as a fad, but as a permanent lifestyle change.

Today was day 1 and provided a steep learning curve. I will journal my experiences on here soon to offer insight into an holistic treatment for others to try if they wish to do so.

I am away for the majority of next week. Upon my return I will be starting a 7 day juice fast to kick start my mind, body and spirit into further progress

I'll keep you posted. Please do the same

Be well, lovely

Cat xxx

[steveo]

That sounds incredible!!

Do be careful with fasting though!

Before christmas I was doing the Alternative Day Fasting. It's not quite the same but feeling hungry caused me to have that first big panic attack in Bristol. Feeling hungry can hugely increase our stress levels and effect our sleep.

I would LOVE to hear about what you're doing and how your getting on! I'm VERY interested in that myself!!

best of luck with it

xxxx