So I have committed myself (well almost) to doing 2 flights in a day for work (appx 30 mins each way on a quite small plane- small to me about 80 seats). This will be in a week or two.
I need something scary to focus on to stop me thinking too much about the past & this would be right at the top of my fear scale. It would push me to the limit of my endurance as it encompasses several fears:
-Well, flying for starters; the sensation of flying (which I hate) & fear of getting airsick (or that happening to anyone else as I'm a big time emetophobe).
-I've never flown alone, let alone got myself to an airport alone or done any of the thigns I'd need to like check in etc.
-At the other end I'd have to find the other office.... I know that's nothing in the scheme of things but it all adds to the fear as I'd have to get a taxi as well. Again I've been in taxis before of course but not on my own.
-Then I have to make sure there's a taxi to take me back to the airport later.
- at some point I'll need to eat (no big deal I know but it is if you're scared of getting airsick believe me!).
This really will be a scary day but I know that part of the process of moving on is to challenge myself in the present. I'm way too focused in the past & need something to focus me back in the present. I anticipate crying all the way there & back but so what if that happens (at the least I'll probably just freak some other poor sole on the flight!).
What's important is I could go with a colleague but I'd rather face it alone. I dont want to cry infront of them & look stupid. So I'll be doing it for me and no-one else.
I might even enjoy a day's freedom once a week & there's the option of doing it each week but not sure my ears could take that many flights as I perforated my ear drum years ago & it hurts when I fly (I mean so much I'm in agony so I'd have to be careful).
Oh well, just had to share my fear as I am making this a reality now. I've worked here 2 yrs & put it off but I think the time is right. I told my colleague this morning & felt like I wanted to cry.
Another one of my colleagues is always winding me up about doing this but I want her to butt out. She'd better or I'll probably end up telling her to get lost (& being scared means I wont be polite abou it either!).
That's it, best be off and get on with my work, but since this was work related I dont think they'd mind me getting it off my chest while I'm at work!
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