Not sure if I have hocd or actually gay?

[AdamM1734]

Hello, I'm adam and I'm a 15 year old teen. I'm very confused as I don't know if I have hocd or if I am actually gay? Here's my story, I've had straight relationships my hole life! I've had many girlfriends and I've had sex with girls, but never guys, I was going out with my current girlfriend for 9 months, but then we broke up, yes I was upset, then 4 months after we broke up, I was doing my mock JC course, and out of nowhere, I started to think I was gay. My biggest fear is becoming gay though ( non-homophobic ). At first I didn't know what it was and I had cried over this to my bestfriend ( who is a girl if that means anything ). She couldn't believe it. She even said 'you don't seem like the type of guy to turn out gay, you love girls '. I did plenty of research trying to find the answer! Finally I found it! I found hocd! When I read about it I felt totaly relieved and thought I can't be gay, but then the thoughts kept coming, I would often ask myself if I was, or I would look at a lad and ask myself if he is attractive, but most embarrassingly, when masterbaiting, gay thoughts would come in and I would panic. It has been happening to me for the past 2 months, but I'm this time, I have being going back out with my ex girlfriend, I thought this might stop how I feel, but it made it worse! Yes I find her attractive, and I have feelings for her, but I still get really bad thoughts! Even when I look at hot celebrities that 6 months ago I would of found hot (e.g rihanna, beyonce etc.), I now don't find them hot! I am very confused and really stressed out! It seems crazy that I'm stressed out at 15 but it's true! Please somebody help!
Thanks,
Adam.

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello Adam,

You are very young and undergoing lots of changes in your life right now. It's very normal for young people to be confused about their sexuality so please don't be frightened any more

Adam I think the best advice that I can give you is to spend lots more time working on "you" and who "you" are. It's probably best not to engage in any form of relationship with anyone right now whilst you're feeling like this, it will only put you under more pressure

So I would say spend more time enjoying all the other aspects of life, your hobbies, your studies and just really having a jolly good time, which is what you should be doing at such a young age

In time, and when you're older and a bit more mature, things will become clearer for you, but right now, just be young, have loads of fun, safe fun that is, and everything else will fall into place

[AdamM1734]

Hi auntieMoosie,
Yes I understand what you mean about enjoying myself, but it is hard to forget these thoughts. Everyday and every night I question myself, and my stomach starts to turn. I just want to know if my story sounds like I am gay or that I am a sufferer of hocd.

[scaz]

rest assured, you are a normal, curious 15 year old, and even straight adults I know have thought about the same sex at one time!

To me you sound like a normal young man, learning who he is and where he belongs, and thats a scary time.

You have good friends, they will love you for YOU and that is the most important thing right now, and if you are gay.. as long as you are happy and healthy there is no problem with that. Don't question the feelings you have, they are part of you becoming an adult. It's normal hun.

[Paul H]

Hello

These thoughts regarding other men are making you anxious and the mind likes to focus on things which make us anxious. It's no good, after all, to take your eye off that tiger which is looking as if it might like to eat you.

So, the trick is to break that habit of fretting about the thoughts when they come - as they will do because you're already feeding them with your anxiety.

The next time such a thought comes into your head focus upon it and say hello to it. Fake a laugh at it and give it a name. Be friendly towards it. Accept the thought and make it ridiculous, comical in some way. Perhaps you could change the image of the other guy - he could wear a clown's outfit or something.

Changing your reaction to the thought (even if it doesn't seem easy or sincere) will soon take the sting out of it. Reducing the anxiety surrounding such thoughts will soon reduce their frequency.

Best wishes

Paul