Ddcoo final countdown and nervous

[Ddcoo]

Hi Gang, after all that I have been through with the operation on 19th December and the following radiotherapy and chemo therapy, WHY today am I so nervous and dizzy? I feel I have let myself down and I am letting negative thoughts creep in like "I will be too dizzy to lay flat with the mask on tomorrow and I am going to make a fool of myself". I am sorry if I am letting you all down but I know that I am not as brave as you think I am My partner says it is because it is the last day and so much rides on it but that tomorrow I will get back my inner strength and just get on with it. I just wish I could go today and get it over with. The weekends are long when you are waiting for continuous treatment there is too much time to think, so my friends I would love a few words on how to cope, I really need you all again. Love Di

[spacebunnyx]

Hi Ddcoo,

You have gone through so much and have been so amazingly strong. I think its totally normal to be nervous and a bit anxious as your treatment draws to an end. You've had your treatment to focus your mind and at the end of it there's less to focus your mind.

I have never been through such a tough ordeal as you, but when I went through IVF treatment for the first time last year I felt a bit "lost" when it was over, no more injections, scans, blood tests and all I could do was wait to find out if it had been successful or not.

I found spending time with family, doing things I enjoy, taking a holiday somewhere warm and generally distracting myself helped. Look forward to spring coming and some sunshine and warmth.

I'm sorry I can not offer any words of wisdom... this is the beginning of a new chapter for you and I wish it to be beautiful for you.

all the best

space xxx

[Tessar]

Awww Di, I think I know why. Any time you fight a battle (and this is no mean battle you have been fighting is it?) when the battle is almost at an end, there is a shift in everything. All of a sudden, you have climbed all those mountains in between, fought your way through so much both physical and emotional. And now..... what is next? Perhaps a bit like when you started the treatment, it's like the the unknown again. In the last few weeks you have got used to the routine, even though it is a very articificial one but now its all going to change again.
It might be that after tomorrow the relief is so immense that you will feel somewhat flat. Suddenly there is no more treatment to endure. You will be there. You'll have done it. Yeah I totally am with you about wanting to go today, I'd be just the same. You are ready for it and that's such a mark of how far you have come psychologically. The fear of the mask which you have conquered. Amazing. Really and truly amazing. That mask I wonder in a funny sort of way has perhaps become your 'friend'. Not a friend like the ones you have here, your 'gang' because like you we're human & have pain & emotions like you. But this mask has been a sterile friend accompanying you on this journey. It must feel very strange really.
Di, if there's one thing I can be really sure of in life it is that you... yes you will NEVER let any of us down in anything you say, do or think, let alone feel. You've been an example to us all that with true bravery & courage so much more is possible in life than you think might be. I can understand why you might feel you're letting us down by no, you are NOT. So, that's said & done. I'm sure everyone else will say exactly the same.
I agree with your partners thoughts on it; it is the last day. And how to cope? Well, I'd like to say in the same way you have done all along but that's just it. Tomorrow's appointment probably does feel like 'the big one'. Personally I'd use the day to take stock really. Now that you have endured the treatment, which as you say goes on affecting you physically afterwards as well, but to sit back, actually realise just what you have been through. Just what you have achieved. In some ways I would have been surprised if you hadnt felt a little rocky right now. Like I said, Di, this is no mean battle you've been fighting. That's why we all admire you. I know its hard to take in the kind comments and admiration but people really mean it. Perhaps it'll all feel a bit too much for the next few days but there'll be plenty of relief in there I am sure.
So yeah, I think you are perfectly entitled to reflect on the last few weeks, the next few weeks as well. If you feel like you want to wallow or you feel emotional, let it happen the way that feels natural to you. There are no rules in this situation. You know that here you'll get nothing but support for whatever it is that feels right for you.
I feel so honoured to have come on your journey with you.... I havent know you that long but you certainly have enriched my life in ways I didnt think were possible.
So you hang in there.... & if you keep busy with something, anything today.... then tomorrow will soon be here & you will be done with the treatments.
Still thinking of you..... and most definitely will be thinking of you tomorrow. xXx

[bluesparkle]

hi di...
i dont have any advice... BUT
YOU have most DEFINATELY NOT let yourself down
YOU are most DEFINATLEY NOT letting us all down
YOU ARE VERY brave
di you have been through so much and are still fighting, i agree with everything that tessar has posted,
and we are always here for you dont you ever forget that.
will be sending you loads of posative thoughts you very brave and strong lady.
rach
x

[Ddcoo]

Thank you all of you for coming back to me, it really is appreciated and I will take your words with me tomorrow.

I hope to put on a short post tomorrow after the final treatment, but please forgive me if it doesn't get done till Tuesday.

Bless you all.

[Annie0904]

Di you will never let any of us down..you are a true inspiration! I think lot of how you are feeling is probably relief that it has come to an end and I think any sort of relief leaves us feeling a bit emotional and drained. Time for you to relax and recover now. Lots of hugs for you xxx

[rated_r90]

You aren't letting anyone down Di! We all admire you so much and I'm sure that tomorrow will be fine. It should be the end of the road for any negativity and the start of your life again. Stay strong and know that we are all thinking of you tomorrow.

[almamatters]

Have not been online for a few days, but thinking of you and sending you hugs, you are so incredibly brave and have faced this battle with such determination and spirit.

[cattia]

I think this is really quite natural. I am sure that through the treatment you have had to keep your focus on what you are going through and now that it's almost over, there is a bit more room for all those emotions to surface. It's probably to be expected that you might feel a bit down and flat when it's all over, much as you've been looking forward to this day, because it's a massive adjustment. You know that we're all here for you no matter what you're feeling.

[panickyme]

Best of luck tomorrow, you are going to do a fine job, and we are all pulling for you. (you mean a lot to us) we will all be there with you in spirit. You take all the time you need to post to us, we will wait until you are ready. Sending you some hugs, and prayers American Express.