So this evening one of my nightmares came true - panic on the train
I only have a 25 minute commute to work on the train but I'm hoping to move house this year and that will involve doubling my commuting time. One thing that's always terrified me is what if I get sick on the train?!
This evening I was sat there in a carriage packed with commuters. I've got a cold at the moment and I'm very chesty. Suddenly I got one of those awful catarrhy sensations in my throat where you can't quite swallow, just as the train was about the leave.
The instant I heard the doors beep and lock it was almost like a switch flicking and the catarrh attack turned into a panic attack. Couldn't breathe - seriously couldn't get air into my lungs, heart going crazy, hot flush (i must have looked like a tomato as people were looking at me), head pounding.
First thought was to get up and stagger to the loo and lock myself in but I thought no I've got to survive it and bring it down. I found a bottle of water and some sweets in my bag and decided to concentrate on drinking a mouthful and sucking a sweet. I kind of thought my life depends on that sweet - if I can taste it I'm still alive and if I concentrate on it I'll get away from the panic.
And it worked. OMG. I managed to get through the first station and resist the temptation to get off in a village I don't know just to escape. Made it all the way home.
Yay