So far forward, but its all gone wrong

[sal]

Dont know where to start this post, because up until the beginning of last week i felt like everything was coming together and i was going to become one of the lucky ones who is a success story. But over the last two weeks i have felt very anxious and could feel my mood slipping. As we all know we try our hardest to pull ourselves back together again, but no matter how i have tried nothing has helped. Not only has my anxiety increased and my confidence disappeared, i am suddenly left feeling very depressed, which is not a strong symptom that i had to cope with.

Thank goodness for my neighbours because last night one of them came over and i went and sat with them with Sam and her children until about 11.30 p.m. and i finally after a few beers settled down. I actually opened up to them last week at a bbq about my anxiety and how i was feeling and they have all been great. But one especially as last week she was really down and told me about her depression and couldnt thank me enough for helping her, but advice is so much easier to give than take.

Work has been really stressful and i can feel it is getting to me, but i hate the fact that i left it get to me because i do actually enjoy it. When i finished work yesterday i was relieved i had a few days of. But as soon as i got home, i wanted to be back at work because at least i would be busy and wouldnt have time to think about how bad i feel.

I am praying for monday to come now as i have a long week in work and know i am in charge next week so will have no time to think.

Isnt it awful when i am praying for the weekend to be over, because i feel i cant cope on my own with Samantha. Suppose with my low mood i am noticing it even more as i have no one here to help me with her. I cant even face taking her out on own, so today she has just played with her friends. Bless her she even made her own lunch as i had gone back to bed.

I laid in bed earlier and could feel the anxiety rising, but it suddenly i was lying there thinking there was no point to it all, which made me even more anxious.

I am so angry with myself for letting myself get this low, but i have tried to fight it. Now i am scared that i am going to lose it completely and lose the energy to fight it. What happens if i go mad and get took away? What happens if i cant cope with Sam anymore? All those horrible questions are flying though my head and i cant get a rational answer to any of them.

Sorry for rambling on, but i havent spoken to my friends recently, i can feel myself going in on myself and i know i am not making the effort to contact people. But this is me, i stop talking and hide away. Thanks for listening.

Sal xxxxx



Even your darkest hour only last 60 minutes!!

Sal

[Tessie28]

Come on Sal, we are all here for you. This will pass I'm sure and you will look back at it and see it for what it is - a blip. Of course you will cope with Sam you have been doing so well. Things are going to get better for you, just hang on in there
love Tess xx

[Caitlyn89]

This is how its always is one step foward and BAM three steps back. It happens to the best of us. What you need to do is stand up to it. You cant let it get to you. Just like all the other time it will pass and once again you will be able to take your one step foward. As you say yourself your darkest hour will only last 60 minutes!!

Caitlyn

[sal]

Hi Tess

Even though in time we all know it passes when you hit the bottom it seems so far away doesnt it. I am hanging in there, finding it hard but not going to go back to how i was.

Thanks Tess. Hope you are ok.

Take Care

Love Sal xxxxx

[sal]

Hi Caitlyn

Thanks for that. Yep it does get to the best of us and rightly so we cant give in to it however hard it gets. Have read your post recently and will reply but as you have seen ive taken into myself and given myself some space to chill and sort my head out. Be in touch soon and you keep up the postive work.

Lots of love Sal xxxxx

[kate]

Hi Sal,

Know exactly how you are feeling.

The awful depressive feelings will pass, but it's living with it all in the meantime that is so awful.

You know that all your thoughts at the moment ARE irrational. You will cope with Sam and you wont get taken away.

There is no easy way for you to get through this. Just keep posting on here and talking about it to as many people as will listen!

Speak soon

Kate x

[malc38]

Hi Sal,
I know just how youre feeling, for the last few weeks i thought i was able to move on, came off my medication, stopped seeing my councellor everything was looking good. That is untill the last 7 days or so when i feel ive gone so far back that i wont have the strength to pull myself back up!. Just comming on here though and reading everyone elses thoughts has helped over the last day or so, im now determined to fight back coz i want my life back and im going to get it.

take care
malc

[sal]

Hi Kate

I know you are right it will pass, but it is living with it in the meantimes, it takes up all your energy and wears you right down. I know i need to keep talking to my friends about how i am feeling but i sometimes just havent got the energy to go over it all again. But i will keep trying and hopefully a busy week at work will take my mind of it.

Love Sal xxxx

[sal]

Hi Malc

Thanks for the post, it helps so much knowing other people have done so well then gone right back. I know it isnt easy, especially when you have been doing so well. The better you feel you have been doing the harder the fall seems to be. But like you i am going to keep fighting it. I just feel so tired at the moment and all i want to do is sleep, then when it comes to bed time i am wide awake and cant settle. You sound so positive and determined. Good luck hon and keep posting and letting us know how you are getting on..

Love Sal xx

[kate]

Hi Sal,

Yes, being busy at work helps take your mind off things.

Hope it will work with me over the next few days, and that the time will fly by and daughter will be back!

Keep in touch, Sal

Kate x