So far forward, but its all gone wrong

[sarah]

Hiya Sal

You have accomplished amazing things recently. You took your daughter on holiday alone and had a great time. Hold onto your success with that and know that you can get that good feeling again!

Im convinced that what you are feeling is a blip on the rocky road to recovery..after all you have done so well the panic just wants to say ' hi im still here!!'

take care hun

love sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution

[sal]

Hi Kate

Hope work keeps you busy and the time passes quickly and your daughter will be home. It does take your mind of things but sometimes after a mad day at work i cant sleep because so many things are going through my head ready for the next day. Looking forward to a busy week but a bit worried about been in charge, its alot of responsibility choosing which wing to close etc. But i will give it my best shot. Speak soon.

Love Sal xxxxxx

[sal]

Hi Sarah

Thank you for that. Sometimes in the midst of anxiety you forget about the good things you have achieved. I just feel i have done so well and ive fallen harder than i have before because before now i have not managed to accomplish what i have recently. I think a lot of what i have managed to do is down to the support all of you have given me. I hate feeling so low and hate the way i want to hide and dont call my friends. I know my friends would help me all they can but i am sure at times they must be sick of hearing about my problems and at other times i just cant be bothered to talk. Its only this last few days that i have made an effort to come on the site because i just counld not face any contact.

I hope you are ok and had a good weekend.

Speak soon, take care.

Lots of love Sal xxxxx

[Meg]

Hi Sal,

BLIP.

I hope you have a journal that you could look back in and read in black and white how fabulously you are doing.

You cannot go back to step one as you now know too much. Review whats changed , what you were doing to help yourself that you've now skipped over. What else could you implement.

What thoughts have you been having that have bene scaring you.



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[sal]

Hi Meg

Yeah i do keep a diary and when i read about my really bad days over the years i realise that i can get through this blip. I have tried to review what has changed but there is nothing i can actually pin point. At the moment i am just trying to keep it together and i am trying to be positive but you know when you hit a rough one how hard it is. I am just sick of waking up on a morning and not wanting to carry on or get up to face the world. That is why i am doing a late shift today so i have had the morning trying to get myself pulled together. I just hate it when i get anxious and panic arise because the thoughts i get are horrible. I just feel like i am going mad, going to lose control and it just spirals from there. Well i will talk more later but i suppose i better get ready for work. I hope you are ok.

Thanks.

Love Sal xxxx

[seh1980]

hello there Sal,

Sorry to hear that you have been feeling down but don't worry - it's understandable as you have a lot going on in your life. You have a job that takes up a lot of your time and you need to take care of Sam whenever you're not working. It's normal that it gets to you every once in a while. I just wanted to say that if you ever need any help looking after Sam like if you want to take her out somewhere and would like some company, then I would be glad to join you...or if you need someone to come over, give me a bell. Even if you need someone to look after her for a bit, I would gladly do it. I think she's adorable and I would love to help in any way I can!!! Chin up mate...Take care.

Sarah (seh1980)

[sal]

Hi Sarah

thank you so much for your post. It helps just knowing that if i am struggling with Sam you are so close and willing to help me.

Cant thank you enough for your support and friendship.

Lots of love Sal xxxxxxx

[Meg]

Sal,

Well, since we've known you, you went form strength to strength went back to work and then on a succesful holiday.

Seems to me that since then you have been let down by friends and had things in the past flung at you which have been emotionally draining plus you are back working over full time hours in a very energy sapping enviroment.

It may be that you are still needing to recover but are once again being continually drained and are constantly fire fighting and thus everything looks so difficult as you have only small reserves.

This is a blip but it can be hard to see the way out when exhausted and vulnerable to spiralling. Glad you know that it temporary too.



Meg

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch

[sal]

Hi Meg

How are you? Thanks for you reply. I know a lot has happened in the last few weeks, but i just dont seem to be able to get a grip with it all.

I have contacted my friend because i really cant hold grudges regardless whose fault it is and she said she would call me back but hasnt bothered. Got to the stage now where i cant be bothered with it.

Ive made the first move, now its up to her.

Work is really busy at the moment and i know it is getting to me. Not only that though with now having Sam all the time it just puts added pressure on. I know its not her fault but we have to be out of the house by 6.30 a.m. and i dont pick her up until sometimes 6 p.m. and it is not fair on her.

Well in a few weeks i have got sometime of. My boss has been really nice and she has let me take three weeks leave over the summer holidays so that should be a nice break from it all.

I seem to have got to the stage at the moment where i cant pull myself out of it. Every direction i try to look it all seems worthless. I know like you say it will pass, but then i start to worry what if it doesnt.

I couldnt cope feeling like this, then i get anxious about letting Sam down if i get worse. So there the horrible viscious circle starts and wont let me out at the moment.

Thanks for your support, it is really appreciated.

Lots of love Sal xxxx

[nomorepanic]

Hiya Sal mate

Sorry you are feeling so bad [V]

I know that you are struggling at the moment but you are doing so well too. Look how far you have come. You had a brill holiday and that was a MAJOR achievement.

I really look forward to meeting you and giving you a big hug to take all the hurt and anxiety away.[:P]

xxxx



Nicola