Start-up Side-Effects of Fluoxetine

[epicpwn666]

Hey guys,

I'm new here, and need some advice.
I've been on Fluoxetine before -- the first time was for about a year.
Took a break after that year, no longer needed it.
Was fine for that break, but anxiety started creeping back up, so I started taking it again, was on it for about 2 years, took another break and was fine for about another 2 years. I was actually the best I'd been -- very balanced, healthy, calm.
Anxiety started creeping back in, and ended up getting pretty bad, been over-thinking EVERYTHING, dissecting every thought to a miniscule degree, worrying about every minute detail, I've been really really self-scrutinizing and really insecure, and so I'm starting it again.

The times I'd taken it before, I hadn't noticed any start-up side effects. I was taking them in the morning. First time around was 20mg, after that dropped down to 10mg.

This time around, I've been taking them for about three to four weeks, taking them at night, and the start-up symptoms are HELL.
I feel like a heroin addict coming down. I've been distant from my boyfriend, very apathetic, not really feeling anything at all, no libido, having weird random compulsions to say and do odd things. Recently, I had a few days of a weird euphoria, and I remember thinking that it was just really fcking weird for me to be so euphoric.

Last night was the worst.
I felt really... conflicted, confused, antsy, jittery, nauseated...
I'm having a really hard time organizing my thoughts, so I'll recount yesterday in a linear fashion:

Woke up upset, went to work, couldn't focus all day, just kind of sat and stared and distracted myself all day. Felt really anxious and like I was unraveling all day.

Left work, went to my man's house, felt good, optimistic, fine. We went and got some fast food, came back, I began feeling nauseous.

*Side note: I've been having nausea for about two years every time I eat -- it started when I threw up one day after not throwing up for about ten years as I had a phobia of throwing up. After vomiting for the first time in about ten years, I've been nauseous after eating every time now, probably anxiety-related. Only actually threw up about twice, just felt really nauseous.

So last night, feeling nauseous, ended up throwing up. While in the bathroom, had this... weird, random compulsion out of the blue to tell my boyfriend my feelings for him were gone and leave. It was like it was this internal battle, my rational mind telling myself to calm down -- I was literally in the bathroom going "don't do it, don't do it, don't do it" -- and my anxiety almost making me go downstairs and dump him. I was covered in cold sweat, threw up again.

Went back downstairs, he asked if I was okay. I shook my head, and told him I was feeling completely fcking crazy, that I'd never experienced these symptoms the first two times on fluoxetine, that I felt like I was losing my mind, felt like I was having mood swings literally every five minutes from one extreme to the other.
I started shaking and crying and rambling, he sat me down and hugged me, I felt nauseous again, went back upstairs to the bathroom.

Threw up again, still felt shaky and jittery and kept bouncing between being okay and being compelled to dump him and leave.

Went back downstairs, felt cloudy and like I couldn't think and couldn't decide how I felt, couldn't really feel much.

Started crying again, feeling crazy and like I was unraveling, felt jittery and numb and just wanted to feel one emotion for longer than ten minutes.

Took half a Benadryl, as I had no Ativan or Xanax, and I was told that if I had no anti-anxiety with me, to take Benadryl as it would work the same. Sipped on some water.

About ten minutes later, went back upstairs, threw up again. Felt a little more calm because the Benadryl had gotten into my system. I think I got the rest of what was in my system out. Went downstairs, felt woozy, still a little nauseous, went to sleep.

This morning I still feel really jittery, really... distracted, like I can't focus, but not so panicky. Feel kind of headachey, though that may be due to having an empty stomach.

I'm really hoping these are going to go away. The times I've been on fluoxetine for extended periods, I only remember feeling kind of cloudy in the beginning, and then as it started working I remember feeling pristine clarity, the ability to focus, not getting lost in thought, optimism, regular sleep, being able to determine how I felt.

I don't know where these weird compulsions are coming from. I don't know WHERE the hell the urge to dump my boyfriend came from, I love him and our relationship is pretty good.
That completely caught me by surprise and it almost felt like a foreign source outside myself compelling me to do that, it was so bizarre. I've never had a history of any sort of weird shit like a split personality, just a history of depression, slight anxiety, and slight obsessive tendencies from time to time.
If anything, the urge came from my own insecurity and feeling like I should just let him go because he deserves someone not crazy, someone just able to be balanced and enjoy life and able to not over-think everything and find reasons to be bothered.

Has anyone else experienced side effects THIS BAD when starting on fluoxetine, or any other SSRIs?
I almost considered stopping taking them, but I need the help with my anxiety, my inability to focus, and my obsessive picking apart thoughts and worrying about stupid crap.
I've never had a problem with fluoxetine before, it worked like a miracle the first few times around.
I had mentioned to my sister around the second week that I was having pretty bad akathisia, and asked her if I should up my dose or just give it time. She told me to just give it time.

Any advice would be appreciated, especially regarding the weird sudden compulsions.

[ChristopherT]

Hey wow. That was a long post. i just skimmed towards the end.

I really agree with you about he Heroin Addict coming down feeling. I've never tried the drug, but I couldn't help think yesterday, I feel like a Heroin Addict going cold turkey, or my image of it from movies like the Basketball Diaries.

I'm on my 10th day first time, I'm coping I guess, but I feel really strange, in the middle of the day. From what I have read in these forums, some of the ladies, have been not really improving until 6-8 weeks. I'm not sure why that didn't happen to you the first times round, though it's probably because this time your anxiety was a more serious problem from what you described, that perhaps the symptoms became equally bad. Take care, and hang in there I guess.

[Princess2206]

Hi Epicpwp
Fluoxetine can make you feel that way and I experienced this on myself. Bad anxiety can play with your mind and you can have crazy thoughts. I use to have thoughts I have to leave my boyfriend as well. I couldn't understand why I even can think like this becouse our relationship is very good. I felt sick about it too and I couldn't sleep or eat. Dr.Weeks book helped me a lot to understand anxiety better and she explains why we can have thoughts like this. If not that book I would be probably in mental hospital by now. My first weeks on fluoxetine were very very bad. Keep posting it really helped me and still does.
Take care and don't worry. They just a thoughts and it is just anxiety playing with your brain. Big hugs

[epicpwn666]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

For as long as I can remember, I've felt identity-less, like I don't really know who I am. I came across an article about Borderline Personality Disorder and am pretty sure I have that at least a little bit.

Last night I spent a long time on the phone with my boyfriend explaining how frustrating all of this is, and how I'm feeling (didn't tell him about my-lack-of-feeling compulsion), and felt really relieved and grateful and lucky to have him.

Today, I was doing mostly fine, mostly calm and just tired, until I started thinking about my boyfriend and my lack of feelings again.
Once I thought about it, I immediately got a sweeping wave of horrible anxiety, nausea, cold sweat, and the shakes.
My current feelings about him are "just buddies", or like he's a trusted friend, but it's like I have no romantic feelings for him. When I think about that is when I get this horrible, terrifying wave of anxiety.

*However*, the thing is, when I look at other people I would find attractive, I feel nothing as well. I just have no romantic or sexual feelings at all, for anyone. My libido is D.E.A.D., completely gone. And I think that might have something to do with the lack of romantic feelings.

Then, I start thinking about specific pleasant memories about my boyfriend, and the anxiety starts to go away, and calms down, and I start feeling better.
But then, I think about potentially having sex with him, and the horrible wave of anxiety comes back because I feel that "buddy" feeling, the lack of romantic feelings, again.

A little history -- there was trauma in my childhood, went to therapy for it, but I still have panic attacks during sex occasionally. For a while, they went away completely, but they've come back for some reason and now it's every time.
Because of it, it's been three weeks since the last time.
Needless to say, he's very sexually frustrated. He feels like I don't find him sexually attractive.
I explained to him it's sometimes easier and safer for me to just ignore it instead of facing things, because facing things is very scary and uncomfortable. My initial reaction to advances is "no" and feeling opposed, instead of excited and turned on.

I don't know why I backslid. I was doing so well for a while, we had a normal, balanced relationship.

This might have something to do with my feeling like he's just a buddy? The fact that my libido is dead and I'm just generally opposed to anything intimate? Like I've shut that part of myself off?

I keep trying to tell myself that it's most likely just the meds and these issues I need to work through that are killing my libido and any potential romantic feelings in general, and that once I'm used to my meds, I'll feel more balanced, but then I get the horrible wave of anxiety/terror causing cold sweats and the shakes and horrible near-vomiting nausea (and sometimes actually vomiting) with the thought "What if my feelings never come back?"

Last night, I took an Ativan, and once I calmed down, I was happy to talk to him and felt comforted and I told him I loved him very, very much, and that I was so grateful and appreciative that he's been so patient and understanding with me.

Sorry my posts are so long... I am just really at my wit's end and I'm getting really sick of myself.

What do you think? Anyone have experience with this?

[OncewasSupergirl]

Your anxiety is distorting your feelings and the fluoxetine is heightening your anxiety as its new in your system. I recommend getting a book called " Essential Help for Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes, it would help you understand your feelings and why you feel this way. I relate to the thought of normal feelings never coming back its a common thought in anxiety. I'm 12 weeks in and it's been a hard, bumpy road and like you I thought I'd never feel normal again but I do.

Hang in there it will improve x x

---------- Post added at 23:55 ---------- Previous post was at 23:53 ----------

Oh n just to add re compulsions....when I started the fluoxetine my smoking increased dramatically! I only smoke about 4/5 a day n I found I wanted to chain smoke!! And it felt like a compulsion. It's faded now so I guess it was the initial fluoxetine effects! X x

[epicpwn666]

Thanks, everyone, for the replies.

My sister sent me two articles about SSRIs and the inability to feel romantic love -- I tried posting the links here but apparently I need to have 10 posts under my belt to be able to post links.
If you want the two links, email me and I'll give them to you.

Basically they say that SSRIs even out seratonin, making you more balanced in emotions and more of a feeling of well-being, but dampen dopamine, which allows you to feel romantic love and desire.

This morning I feel a little better, a general feeling of "I will eventually be okay, I just need to hold on" instead of the skull-crushing terror-anxiety-world-is-ending feeling. Still a little nervousness and a little jittery anxiety, but not like it was.

I'm concerned, though, about my dopamine levels -- if I'm on fluoxetine for an extended period, will my body even out and allow me to feel romantic love and desire/libido? Or will that part of me be permanently dampened?
My libido was already very minimal to begin with due to trauma issues, anxiety, and depression, it doesn't need to be dampened any more.

Has anyone had any experience with adding a libido boosting medication in addition to taking an SSRI?

I realize I'm posting a lot, sorry guys, I'm just really trying to figure myself out and it's been really, REALLY cathartic to post here and hear from others about this.

Thanks

[ChristopherT]

Hey there..

Oh you think you are Borderline Personality disorder? I guess not worrying about things may help a lot. In Australia, we have regular free health care, and paid care. For the Prozac, I just went to free health care, and said I want anti-depressants. In 5 minutes of talking to me the doctor who is rushed thinks I might have "Borderline" which I guess is the same thing... I feel a bit similar because I have been living overseas, known by many people, and know I am living in Australia, feeling like a different life and different person. So I guess my brain is confused at who I am...

I'm now in a long distance relationship, but not by choice, for probably at least a couple more months. I was also thinking if the Prozac reduces Libido that I should think of something along those lines. I usually only have sex once or twice a day with my partner, so I think if I do any less, it would be a problem for the relationship. She would find it a big problem if I was taking that kind of thing though, so there is that issue.