I'm praying for a miracle

[chicaplatense]

I hate feeling like this every day!! It has been going on for a month and a half almost!! Every day horrible Panic and Anxiety!! I fear that I will never feel normal again and that I won't be able to function!! I am supposed to start my Master's degree program in July! How to do it if I feel like this!! I have 4 children to care for and my husband might get fed up with me!!! I just knelt down this morning and begged God for a miracle!!! God please don't leave me!! I know I have made mistakes and perhaps I don't deserve a miracle, but I want to be a mother to my children, I want to go to school and graduate so I can help my family financially, I also have chosen a profession in which I can help the less fortunate (Occupational Therapy and Rehabilitation) please, please please!!! Have mercy on me God!!! I feel so sad, scared and hopeless!! I am begging God for a miracle!!

[Bekzie]

I feel for you chica I feel the same way. Things can only get better! You are a strong woman who can get through this. You have a great plan for your life, you can do this

[chicaplatense]

Bekzie,
Thank you for your words of support. You are so sweet!
Yes, there are many things I want to do in life and my Panic is a rock on my way that I want to kick!! I want it to go away forever and leave me alone so I can get on with my life!! I feel sick every morning with nausea and dread! I'm so tired of this! Sorry, I am just venting a lot today....
Thank you

[Bekzie]

Vent as much as you need to, it can only help you chica.
Have faith in yourself that you can get through this because you can, we all can. We just need to find the way that suits us

[PanchoGoz]

Chica - I have more faith in you than God. The power of you! You can do this. It seems you are very capable to be planning ahead like this. Sit down and have a think, is this something you could cope with if you didn't have anxiety? Are you sure you are not taking on too much for now?
Have you had therapy for your anxiety yet?

[chicaplatense]

Vent as much as you need to, it can only help you chica.
Have faith in yourself that you can get through this because you can, we all can. We just need to find the way that suits us

Thank you Bekzie!!

---------- Post added at 10:29 ---------- Previous post was at 10:20 ----------

Chica - I have more faith in you than God. The power of you! You can do this. It seems you are very capable to be planning ahead like this. Sit down and have a think, is this something you could cope with if you didn't have anxiety? Are you sure you are not taking on too much for now?
Have you had therapy for your anxiety yet?

I am starting therapy. I started last week. 2 years ago my Panic and Anxiety went through the roof and I ended up in the Mental Hospital (I went there voluntarily and asked them to take me in) because I got sooo Depressed. I was put on meds and discharged after a 10 day stay (I still felt like crap but because I wasn't crazy enough to be there they wanted me out).
I don't know how I did it but I managed to go back to school (with my 10 days of absence excused) and I picked back up where I left off and finished the school semester with all A's, don't ask me how! I graduated with a Bachelor in Psychology with honors.
I was on meds and ok for a year. I quit the meds and was ok for another year. I had a marriage crisis and the Panic came back at the beginning of this year. I had already applied for the Master's program and got accepted at a very competitive school for the Occupational Therapy program. Out of 300 people that applied for that particular program only 30 got in and I was fortunate enough to get in. School starts in July and I see it as the answer to many of my financial problems which is what contributes to the stress and marital conflict. This is something that I really need to do if I want my life to improve, but I am terrified that Panic will get on my way!!! By the way, my Panic did not start because I am stressing about school but because I did something bad that I feel very guilty about that had nothing to do with school. I am embarrassed about myself...

[PanchoGoz]

Thanks for telling us. I am glad you are starting therapy, is it CBT? As you haven't had therapy before, you should notice a reduction in your anxiety when you get an understanding of it. You will learn to manage your panic and live with it, and eventually it will go completely.
The thing you did that made you feel guilty needs sorting out...Often anxiety is caused by a problem hanging over you and the weight of it over a long time gets worse and worse. Can you try to come to some compromise over your problem so you can shed the wieght of it?
It helps most not to fight the anxiety, but to accept the horrible feelings for now as they will pass. It is not a permanent thing and you can't feel too bad for long. Don't limit what you do, but make sure you are eating properly even if you don't feel like it, and resting up when you can. Stay occupied and don't dwell on it. And keep your faith

[chicaplatense]

Thanks for telling us. I am glad you are starting therapy, is it CBT? As you haven't had therapy before, you should notice a reduction in your anxiety when you get an understanding of it. You will learn to manage your panic and live with it, and eventually it will go completely.
The thing you did that made you feel guilty needs sorting out...Often anxiety is caused by a problem hanging over you and the weight of it over a long time gets worse and worse. Can you try to come to some compromise over your problem so you can shed the wieght of it?
It helps most not to fight the anxiety, but to accept the horrible feelings for now as they will pass. It is not a permanent thing and you can't feel too bad for long. Don't limit what you do, but make sure you are eating properly even if you don't feel like it, and resting up when you can. Stay occupied and don't dwell on it. And keep your faith

Pancho, your post was so helpful. I have done therapy before but never CBT, it was just talk therapy, had no structure. This time I am doing CBT with an excellent Psychologist that I love.
I confessed my mistake that made me feel guilty and the person I wronged forgave me but I struggle to forgive myself. You know, I start questioning what kind of person I am and then that's how I start the Panic cycle. Once it starts it just transforms in fear of the Panic itself and it takes over... But I am doing my best at asking for help so I must keep the hope. Mornings are difficult but once I get going it gets better. Weekends are harder also because I don't have a particular routine and have more time to think of nonsense. Thanks for the hope. I haven't always been like this so I guess that if I got myself all tied up in knots I should be able to untie them eventually