Psychiatrist Tomorrow

[steveo]

Clio51 - No he didn't say I'd be on Seroxat for life, but does anyone successfully ever come off that? That is the HARDEST ssri to come off of without a doubt! I've heard absolute nightmare stories about coming off that drug. I would sooner go ssri free than consider going on Seroxat. He wanted to change me to Seroxat from Escitalopram. He was very abrupt and rude I felt.

I think it's because I've done ALOT of reading and have a medical background that he didn't like me. It was almost a 'who knows the most' battle. I'm just no longer going to accept anything that a doctor tells me anymore. I'm no longer willing to just take their word for it and gobble up any medication they give me. These are serious drugs we are talking about that can cause potential long term harm to me. They are mood altering drugs.

I will be calling him at somepoint because it was too much information to digest today, especially as I burst out crying at one point.

I'm not so much freaked out that the class of drug he also wants me to be on is an anti psychotic. My mum was given Olanzapine when she had a breakdown. She said it worked wonders, except when we came off, she couldn't sleep for 2 weeks.
It's the fact my main aim is life is to be off medication, but because of being on 11 years of SSRI's, my brain now can no longer seem to function without the input of an SSRI, and at the same time I don't seem to be able to get back on an SSRI successfully so now I'm needed to have more of my neurotransmitters mucked about with to dope me up.

I haven't read alot of information on here regarding quetiapine, but from what I have read, it helps people sleep at night and makes them a big sluggish in the day. Well, I have absolutely no problem sleeping, infact I sleep great at the moment and have done for a month, and also I am already very fatigued in the daytime so don't feel I need another medication messing around with that.

He didn't get a full picture of me today. He didn't ask about my sleep, my appetite, whether I've lost or gained weight, my day to day situation, any suicidal thoughts or self harming, how I am now compared to how I was in early Jan.

He dismissed all my questions about why I've had this breakdown and my concerns with being on SSRI's since I was 17.

If I'm in my 50's, then I would be more inclined to try Seroxat and other meds, but I'm 28 and have a whole life ahead of me. I'll be getting married in the next couple of years and having kids and getting a house. I want a change of career soon, considering doing a medical degree. I don't want my mood altered with during these years of my life.

But then do I want anxiety and depression during these years? I don't know what I want. Well I do.... I want to be medication free.

[clio51]

Stevio,

He sounds an arse!

Can't believe he wants to change you from something you've been on for months and settled on a bit more to something completely new again! Where's the logic.

My psych wanted to give me the quitapine to help me sleep, as that as a big problem for me at that time. So your right you don't need it.

He hasn't got a proper picture of you, what you are like to what you are now.
Trouble is they havnt got the time, it's disgusting it's OUR LIVES there playing God with.

When I saw mine first time, she wasn't there was out they wanted me to see under study I said no. Then they said she was comin back, when we saw me she said I have literally 10 mins I thought no way I'm in a bloody mess here and I've waited weeks for this. I too cried was a mess she ended up 40 mins with me and told me to come back next week
Each time hasn't really Been a good experience, ore like take their come back xxx months. I don't want to be treated like that pills being thrown at me, I'm not a dustbin.

Have you been given another appointment?

[steveo]

He said he's going to see me one more time to see how I'm getting on on the new meds but I'm 85% sure I won't be taking the quetiapine. I'll be calling him tomorrow to ask him a few questions and to then probably let him know that I won't be taking them. He will then probably discharge me from the service which means I can then get on with CBT. For some illogical reasons I can't have CBT until I've been discharged from the CMHT.

I guess now then, as far as professional help goes, I'm going to do this solo from my own knowledge from now on. I have absolutely zero faith in psychiatrists and GPs just don't know enough about these types of medication and generally stick to giving out either Citalopram for anxiety or Prozac for depression.

I've had a hellish 3 months since this breakdown started and I've seen many different doctors and professionals. I've self harmed and wanted to end my life. I've been on 4 different medications at so many different dosage changes, each time playing havoc on me. I have been told conflicting information from each different professional I've seen.

I'm glad I was born with a skeptic brain which gives me CHOICE in life. I'm glad I'm able to decline what a highly professional consultant psychiatrist has to say and offer me. So I guess from here on out, it's going to be down to me and the amazing support I have from friends, family and the lovely people on here. Some of you have been here the whole way through this dreadful time I've had and just an absolute rock for me. You have been the best support outside of my family I've had, even better than my so called friends.

[Pipkin]

Hi Steven,

I can't really advise on meds but I can give you a couple of pointers from my experience. I don't know much about Paroxetine but I too have read that it's one of the more difficult ADs to withdraw from. Having said that, the same is always written about Venlafaxine which I take. I've stopped taking this twice before and, although it's not the best experience in the world, it's a walk in the park compared to anxiety at its worst. I always focus on getting better now and choose to deal with possible withdrawal when the time comes. I know we're all different in that respect though. That's the nature of anxiety.

I'm not sure of the logic of changing SSRIs when Escitalopram has started to work. The hardest part of taking ADs is the start and stop periods and we all know that they can take a good couple of months to take full effect - you're not at that stage yet.

Remember, it's about personal choice and I believe that we make the decisions based on open and honest conversations with professionals. They have a wealth of experience that we will never have but we know best how we feel and how we're likely to react to change and other situations.

Regarding the anti-psychotic meds, I would recommend talking to the psychiatrist again and finding out exactly how he thinks they will benefit you in your current situation. They could potentially be exactly what you need but you need to understand the logic behind it before you'll be comfortable taking them. I wouldn't dismiss them straight away but there's little point in taking them if you start off convinced it's the wrong thing to do. I'm a great believer that confidence in your clinicians and the advice (and meds) they provide is half the battle. Without that, you may as well go it alone as you'll be consciously or subconsciously fighting against treatment which is most likely going to lead to failure. I'm lucky that I have a superb GP who listens to me and makes me feel equal in the conversation. I always feel in the driving seat and, if you can build a similar relationship, it will be invaluable.

In other words, speak to the psych again, get all the information you need and make the decision based on what you hear, keeping as open a mind as possible. Try not to be skeptical but be challenging, informed and in control. Talking it through on here after that will also help you.

Look after yourself - you're getting there!

Pip x

[nicola1980]

Steve did he not ask your background info? With my first appointment with my psychiatrist i was in with her nearly 2 hours and she asked me all about my background, my childhood etc and my anxiety triggers, she wrote all i told her down and then discussed medication with me, i do seem to be one of the lucky ones regarding a psychiatrist as i can't complain about the time and care she has given me as its been amazing, she's seen me as an emergency on the same day when i was at my worst and she also asked to speak to both my parents and my husband to get their opinion on how they thought i was, please don't give up hope, try and speak to the psychiatrist again regarding the anti phscotic as it really might help you short term to get back on your feet again, olanzapine for me is not a long term med my psychiatrist is trying to get me stable on my ADs at the right dosage and then i will be weaned off it but like i said don't dismiss it at once as it was a tremendous help for me when i was literally bedridden with panic, dp, dr and literally petrified to leave my parents house as like you although Im married with a child i had to move back home for them to look after me whilst my husband was working the weird shifts he does, good luck x x

[steveo]

Thanks very much for the replies.

I do need to call him again.

He didn't ask for any real background no Nic. Was in there about 30 mins. It seemed like a battle of wits. He just wanted to disprove everything I've learnt or read with his knowledge. Everything I had to say he shot down. If I answered a question wrong about my symptoms he would stop me and ask me again more specifically as he clearly didn't want to hear anything but my bullet points.

I'm VERY scared of the sedation side effects as I already feel very sedated as it is.

The more I think about it all, the more I get myself into a big panic. I was getting really well up until Monday when I had very bad depression and anxiety. Then yesterday was a horrible day and this morning I woke up with a panic attack. I think it's all this drug info rolling around my head! It's too much for me to handle right now. I don't want to be making these really tough and potentially dangerous choices about mood altering powerful drugs that have the potential to harm me and make me worse, especially when I am very scared about taking any drugs at all and really want to me med free.

I don't know what I want right now and the stress of it is absolutely destroying me. ARgh.

And my dads getting so so P*ssed off everytime my mood declines or anxiety increases. He doesn't understand 'off days' and blips. I told him this morning that my anxiety was really high and he told me to 'stop this sh*t and grow up and stop being a wuss.'

That then makes me feel worse too.

I hate all of this. I am so so resentful about coming off my medication last year or ever even starting it. It's medication that got me in this mess. I've never ever had this in my entire life. I just don't know what to do.

[Lissa101]

Hi Steveo,

I've not been keeping up with your progress because I've been having a bit of a crap time (living alone for 2 weeks as my boyf is at his parents, its freakin me out!). So sorry to hear that your app didn't go as you wanted it to. I know what you mean re having a skeptical brain. I'm a science PhD student, I know nothing about medical science but I do know how to get a paper published and how to read the scientific literature. I researched the SSRI's and have NO faith in them whatsoever.

My boyf has a wonderful psychiatrist and psychologist and my mum has a brilliant physician. The difference they have made to their lives have been immeasureable. I don't know why people go into psychiatry if they're not good with people! For what its worth I hope you go on to do a medical degree - we need more docs who actually listen and care xxx

[steveo]

Thanks for the lovely reply Lissa.

Just been reading some pretty horrible side effects about this medication. Am 99% sure I won't be touching them!

Sorry to hear that you're having a bad time!!! Feel free to drop me a message if you just want a chat so you're not so lonely!

Steven x

[Pipkin]

Steven,

I think you've identified part of the problem yourself - medication information overload! I would stop reading up about it for a few days and then see how you feel. Believe me, I say this from the point of view of understanding completely the need to have as much information as possible - I do exactly the same.

The problem with online research in this area is you come across a lot of negative information and horror stories as this is what people are more likely to write about. For all we know, there could be 99 success stories for every 1 negative.

I think you deserve a break from it to get yourself back to where you were a couple of days ago.

Pip x

[steveo]

Thanks Pip.

My anxiety seems to have come back badly since Monday. It was really bad today. Woke up with a panic attack and just had a bad one about an hour ago. Took diazepam which is silly because diazepam takes longer to kick in than how long a panic lasts for so now I'm just drained from the attack and the diazepam.

I think it's all this medication overload causing it. The appointment really upset me. The information I heard upset me. It gave me realisation of the situation I'm in. The medication thing in general is a massive worry to me.

The 11 years on the ssri has been the biggest worry to me.

I just feel so stressed. Too much information and decisions! I hate all this.