advice - pregnant

[bab]

Ive just discovered im pregnant. only very early.

This will be my 3rd child. I have booked myself in for a termination tomorrow for a couple of reasons
1. I am so anxious and a friend of mine had a stillbirth and that plays on my mind
2. I am older now 36
3. Someone once told me about 10 yrs ago that I would have 2 boys and I have had 2 boys so maybe im not meant to have anymore.
4. Im going on holiday in the summer and worry about needing a hospital abroad
I know this sounds really selfish but maybe I should just concentrate on the 2 i have?

[anxietyoverload]

Hi there! I just noticed that no where in your list does it say that you don't want another child? If you do want another baby then I really don't think the reasons you have here are good enough reasons to have an abortion if thats not really what you want.

As horrid and upsetting as stillbirths are the chances that it would happen to you are very slim.

I don't think 36 is over the age that many women have children these days

Physics are hardly ever completely right about everything - I dont think its fate you should have an abortion.

And if you do need a hospital on holiday which is unlikely there will be plenty of fully qualified doctors and nurses there too

xxx

[bab]

Thanks so much
xxx

[cattia]

I think you need to think carefully and be one hundred percent happy either way. I have two healthy children and would love a third but I have many anxieties about the risks, so I do understand your concerns. I don't think your age is a major factor. I know many women who don't start families until their late thirties. The risks are greater but many problems can be picked up on scans these days. I think a termination is something that is not to be taken lightly, but if you are one hundred percent sure then you have to go with the decision that is best for you and your family.
I wouldn't take any notice of what someone told you years ago. It bears no relation to your life, some predictions are right, some are wrong. It's right now because it matches the reality of your life. If you went on to have another child it would be wrong. It is just coincidental in my opinion.

Edit to add, reading back through it sounds like I am saying don't go ahead with the appointment, I'm not saying that, out just that by posting here it suggests you are not totally at ease with your decision and you need to be OK with it before you go ahead if that's what you decide x

[bab]

xxx

[Coppernob]

I would echo very much what cattia has said. My mother had me at 40 and was absolutely fine. Someone else I know had one at 48, he's her great joy and she had no problems.

But I would never try to dissuade someone for whom another child would be an absolute disaster and would cause major upset to their present family. You just need to be certain you really want a termination before you take that step.

What does your husband/partner want to do?

[Edie]

Bab, please think very carefully about your decision.

A stillbirth is a terrible thing, and it's only natural it would play on your mind. But the risk is extremely low and it doesn't seem a sensible reason to have an abortion.

A pregnancy at 36 would not be considered high-risk due to your age.

I don't really believe in psychics or fate, so I can't really comment on that.

As for your holiday, unless you are going to some 3rd world backwater, there are hospitals with very highly qualified staff in other countries too. Make sure you take out medical insurance that covers you for pregnancy. In the unlikely situation that you need medical care while you are abroad, it will be available. It may be a good idea to check where the nearest hospital to your location is.

Your last issue about taking care of the two you have, well that is something worth considering. If you're already struggling with your boys then maybe a 3rd child is not the right thing for your family.

If you do decide a termination is the right decision, then you will still feel bad. You will need someone to support you through it. Will you have your partner's support with a termination?

[bab]

Thanks Edie
Im going to Spain for 3 weeks in July - I panic on holiday at the best of times. im not struggling as such with my boys, I love them very much my only struggle is my anxiety and sometimes I dont like to go out or I avoid it but I try not to let them see it. Im also worrying about collapsing and heamorraging x

[Col]

hi bab im 32 next so bit younger & pregnant with my third!

the sheer fear, desperation panic worry anxiety is driving me insane im panaking like hell been sick & in bed for the best part of 2 weeks & worry about hospitalisation etc.

personally babs id feel guilty as hell already having kids then aborting one.

I really really hope you make the right decision 4 U.

Collette x

[sparkle_1979]

Preg and anxiety is awful, try and relax you are going to fine..

Oh and a psychic told my mum I'd have two red haired boys, I have two blonde girls