Feeling worse on escitalopram...advice needed please!

[starfish01]

Hi,

Thanks for your message Karen. I hope you're feeling ok today?
Well, it's now Day 54 and I'm still not right. I went out last night with old work colleagues which was actually really nice. We chatted a lot about my depression and it turns out that one of them has also suffered from depression & anxiety in the past so she knows what I'm going through. It felt good to talk about it and get support from them. I am concerned though about how long it's taking to feel any good effects from the meds. I have a few ok moments during the day but I've not had a whole day so far where I haven't felt either anxious or depressed. I also feel very tired after spending 2 or 3 hours out and about and have to have a rest afterwards to replenish my energy. I'm sleeping a lot, normally 12 hours a night, and the smallest things stress me out and irritate me. Perhaps I need to go back to the Doctor's for a review?? I'm actually trying to find a psychiatrist here as I think I'd prefer to get a 2nd opinion on my meds, and seeing a specialist would set my mind at rest I think. I'll keep you updated! xx

[steveo]

Wow Starfish!! You went out last night with old work colleagues and you don't think your meds are working?!

I would do anything to 'not have my meds working' like your meds.

The last few years I was a touring music photographer travelling the world on my own and with bands with not an ounce of care. Fast forward to day 47 of lexapro and a good day for me is one where I can open up the curtains and not have my head under the pillow. The thought of going downstairs out of my bedroom sends me into panic right now.

When I say that I don't feel my meds are working, I literally don't have a life at the moment. I can't hold a face to face conversation with my dad or anyone else because of such severe depersonalisation. I've developed such bad agoraphobia since being on these medications, that not only can I not open up my curtains, but sometimes I can't even watch TV or movies which shows outside or crowded situations.

Baring in mind I've NEVER suffered this in my 23 years of anxiety and depression.

Sorry... I'm just really jealous.
It's such a beautiful day here in Cornwall at my dads house. He just went for a walk up the hills and I watched him with my binoculars whilst talking to him on the mobile phone. I managed to shove my arms out the window today to get some sun and open the windows wide to get fresh air and sit on the end of my bed.

I've just had to cancel my girlfriend coming down to see me this weekend which has really really upset her. I've cut horrible cuts and scars on my legs and hands and arms. All this is 4 months exactly on Saturday.
In that time I've been on Citalopram, Pregabalin, Escitalopram, Diazepam, seen 2 psychiatrists, 2 CBT therapists, 8 GPs, 3 out of hours GPS, 1 trip to A and E from a suicide attempt, seen countless people from the local mental health team, spent over £50 in phone bills to NHS Direct, Samartans and various panic helplines. I've lost my business, my income, my relationship can't last much longer, I'm still having to pay rent and bills for a house I haven't lived in for 4 months and will have to continue to do so for another 3 months, had to turn down one of the biggest clients of my life, had to cancel a wedding shoot a week before the wedding.

So I really do feel worse on Escitalopram. I'm struggling here. I've never been close to this in my entire life and this all started when I came off Citalopram after 11 years. 3 months off the drug and then back on and all this. It's no wonder why I keep trying to end my life.

[starfish01]

Hello Steveo,

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but I don't think you should be comparing yourself to me, this isn't a competition as to who is feeling the worst!
I don't have agoraphobia, I have depression and anxiety which is still pretty dreadful to experience. I started this thread to get advice and support, and I'd like to continue doing so without feeling like I'm going to get my condition undermined by people who believe that they've got it worse than me. I've got my fair share of problems, but I'm not going to go on about them as what is that going to achieve? I'd just like friendly feedback and encouragement on here if that's not too much to ask. Everyone has their own journey with this illness, everyone is different! but we all need support from time to time.

[karenp]

Starfish you sound to be doing ok all in all darl....I have been on Escitalopram 6 month snow at 10mg, will go up to 15 probs as even though I am pretty much fine now, I still on occassions get a little anxious and still take Lorazepam but I am so nearly there now, however it has taken a long long while. Good for you for managing to get out, I think that is a good sign for you xxx

Stevo, you really need to go back to your GP huns. You should be showing some signs of improvement by now not feeling like you can't even open the curtains and def not harming yourself. What about ringing your local crisis team and get them involved, I was under me last year and they really helped me. They will be there for you whenever you need them and will get you into see a proper mental health expert. You should not be feeling so bad and I don't know if this is the drug for you if things are still so bad and you're not getting any improvement at all. Rooting for for you. Go and get help promise me. xxx