Hi all,
How is everyone today? I hope you are feeling a little better SteveO, rotten isn't it?
I have decided today that I really need to just concentrate on getting better rather than feeling pressured about going back to work. I need to take my time and start work again when I am absolutely ready, and not before. I'm feeling rather annoyed with myself for letting my main client stress me out so much. Since I have been off work, she has emailed me from time to time to discuss things. For some reason she thought it was appropriate to tell me that she had been having a difficult time for two weeks (this was her excuse for not sending me my cheque for work I did in March!!) and in a subsequent email she told me how tired and exhausted she was feeling. Fair enough, everyone feels crap from time to time but I feel she is telling me these things so that I feel guilty about not being at work. She also texted me early last saturday morning asking me if I could come in and do my usual lessons as the person who was supposed to cover for me was 'in hospital'. This worried me but I later found out that my colleague was in hospital because his wife was having a baby!!! I never went in though, I'm on sick leave and she bothers me with that...unbelieveable!! She is the owner of a small business that I work for and since being there, she has expected myself and other teachers to go over and above our duties, sometimes running the place for her when she decides to take a day off or clear off on holiday. We are freelancers and only paid to teach, we receive no extra pay when we do extra stuff for her!!! Anyway, my point is that she has made it difficult for me to switch off and concentrate on getting fully better, so I am just going to be straight with her and tell her that I will not be coming back until I have made a full recovery. She told me on Friday that if I don't come back next week she will have to find a new teacher to take over my lessons, as apparently she can no longer cover my lessons. She told me that she needs to know she can count on me to be there. She clearly has absolutely no understanding of mental illness whatsoever! I have spent a large part of this weekend thinking about it and feeling anxious. I feel she is really trying to force me to come back with no regard for my wellbeing. Sorry for the long rant but it just drives me so mad when people just don't get it that mental illness is a very real and debilitating illness. I wonder if she'd be reacting this way if I was off work with a broken limb?!!?
Think I need to go for a long walk and forget about all this for now...
Take care all x