Im really not sure of posting this but i really can do with advice , ive looked on bereavement sites etc , but i cant seem to find what i need . In advance i like to appologise and remove this thread if it upsets anyone.
I lost my Dad 7 weeks ago tomorrow , friends as i seen as good friends have only found by the way of supporting me is by alcohol and constantly at my home ,fuelling my husband with booze , i cant seem to find the energy or good time to let my hair down and enjoy life ,let in though fill it with alcohol .
Im looking for someone who knows what its like grieving , the feelings i have are killing me , i know its anxiety /panic attacks , but they seem to be more triggered of by friends and husband .
They dont understand how im feeling , im telling them i smelt Dad the other day ,laughed and told me its all in my head . Then a build up of tears and pains in chest and constantly in the loo , i feel im losing the plot .
My husbands been supportive over sorting out funeral arrangements ,bills etc ,but not loving me and comforting me ....
little things set me off to cry ,seeing my dads writing in a notepad of his , i dare say anything to my husband .So wanting to go to my Dads the other day 35 years of knowing our home has been given back to the council , burns my insides , i want to sit in his home , husband says well you cant .
I dont know if its all in my head and that it is my husband whos making me feel insecure or me or its his motto of kicking me up the butt .Ive spoken to him and hes telling me hes got mental health issues and dont want to talk about them too me , i feel scared hes hiding something , i feel paranoid .
Im sorry if ive upset anyone , i think im just looking for someone whos lost a dearly loved one , to know how im suppose to be feeling and to share ...
CWTCHES to who reads this xx