I've never been any good with physical contact but I have been working on feeling more natural about it. I've been chipping away at how uncomfortable it makes me feel for years now.
if I spent an evening with friends (or worse with work colleagues such as at an Xmas do) if I know there"s likely to be hugs at the end of it, I'd spend the evening worrying about hugging or being hugged. These days, I try hard to enjoy the hug and appreciate the warmth & physical connection involved rather than let it scare the life out of me.
I recall many years ago there was a lovely chap I worked with. He was like a second dad to me & I really admired him. One day when we were talking, he said something & then to be nice to me, he went to touch my hand. I withdrew it so fast he must have though it was a bit odd. After he left the company and retired, I stayed in touch. He really was brilliant to know.
Eventually I let him hug me goodbye if we met. In fact, I learned to trust him so much that at his wife's funeral I let him hold my hand for several minutes. I could really feel how much good it was doing him and I actually felt really touched that this happened. It's amazing what you can achieve isn't it?
So, anyway, I do have a few special people in my life that I will let hug me. Of course this includes my partner (though when we first got together I had to explain to her that it might take a while for me to get used to physical contact.. Even holding hands was something I struggled with. But I learned to tolerate it & in time became ok within our relationship.
Also on my list of special people is my favourite auntie and some of my favourite cousins. In fact, despite many hassles with him, I even let one of my brothers hug me & again it is rewarding To do that.
So.... Getting to the point..... today I saw my lovely niece (6) & nephew (4). We had a great time larking about; this included rolling about on the floor, letting them jump all over me, brush my hair, put hair grips in it, blow raspberries on my skin, So as you can see, physical contact in that respect is fine for me.
But As we were leaving it came to "that moment". The awkward moment when I think, oh I need to perhaps hug them & get a kiss goodbye. But even with little children (who would have no idea about my insecurity over this) I am putting myself on the spot.
But today, instead of feeling like ignoring the quandary and doing nothing, I said to the children "so who's coming for a hug goodbye". To my amazement they both came over & I crouched down so we could hug. It was like "I did it" and they wanted a hug too. It was like "wow". Brings a tear to my eye to type this.
Coming from a near 50-year old, only just learning to hug seems like crazy. I know that some of my fear is related to rejection, if i ask or make a gesture to someone for a hug, what if they say no or back off? But it's better to at least try. Also I know I feel awkward as after I was about 5, my family never really did the huggy/kissy sort of thing.
It's taken me about a decade of work to get this far & I'm going to keep at it.
Onwards and upwards as they say.