Not keen on hugging or physical contact generally

[theharvestmouse]

Tessar, I can't work it out as I was always loved and shown affection as a child and this never stopped, I just became more shy. I've just never been that touchy feely, I'm Ok with people I know well but in some situations I just struggle to know how to act.

[Tessar]

Oh, now I feel a bit stumped. I,will have to think about it harvest, as I am not sure,what could cause this. Since I am having to more or less learn about this, one thing I find handy and helpful is to observe how other people do it. You could try modelling yourself on someone who you,feel gets the balance right. Perhaps for some reason you have become less confident and rather than doing things automatically by instinct, it's having to think about it that makes it harder as there is more time to deliberate instead of just doing it.

[theharvestmouse]

Now and again I manage to overcome it, I think its worse when there are more people around.

[goldenchicks522]

I'm fine with hugging but I really dislike kissing on the lips, as silly as that may sound! Kissing on the cheek is fine. Kissing with tongue is nothing I've done, nor would want to!

[Tessar]

I had an uncle who was absolutely lovely & was always very kind to me & made me feel good about myself but - he always insisted on kissing on the lips as a greeting or a goodbye - nothing sinister - but you can imagine how much I hated that!!

[Tessar]

I managed to hug/kiss 2 strangers after a family thing yesterday.... I'd been to watch my partners niece in an amateur operatic society show & these people were friends of her niece who had come to watch, the one lad I was the one who kissed him. Isn't it amazing, he probably thought I was totally natural (or actually he probably didn't think anything about it) little did he know I was having to make myself do it. I suppose that's the only way in the end, eh?

[almamatters]

I feel very awkward when it comes to things like this, the more people around the worse it is. I even find shaking hands quite difficult, in case I put the wrong hand out or do the wrong thing. I avoid hugging etc whenever possible, if I have to then I just feel really uncomfortable. People put it down to you being cold and unfriendly but the opposite is true really.

[Tessar]

Alma, that's pretty much how I used to be. There are times I still feel awkward but one thing that helped me alot is not thinking about the end of the evening when this sort of thing might happen.
Instead I try to enjoy what ever I'm doing & just let the hugging thing happen &keep my mind off it for as long as possible. I must admit, I find if it's people I know that's worse.
I'm ok these days with shaking hands (well most of the time, sometimes I still think "did I grip their hard enough" or "did I look confident enough".... perhaps they are thinking the same, who knows. It's best when shaking hands just to get in there & do it. Again I try to just do it & not dwell on how it was. Oh you wont believe it but I had just a visit at my office from our stationery lady & guess what? She shook my hand when she arrived & when she left. I had to chuckle after reading your post!
The only time I seem to get the hugging thing wrong is if someone goes to do it a different way. I think most people go to the right but occasionalloy someone goes left and then I get confused. Generally also I respond to someone else initiating a hug or kiss; I havent moved onto being the one who makes it happen yet!!! Not with adults anyway......
Do you think there is any way you could have a go?
Maybe I should set up a meet and the specific point of it would be for everyone to try hugging..... we'd all be equally nervous about it so wouldnt have to worry about feeling self-consious & could practice without worrying about doing it wrong!!!

[theharvestmouse]

Went on a date the other day and didn't manage a hug or a kiss or anything, felt so annoyed with myself afterwards, nerves got the better of me.

[Tessar]

Oh harvest mouse, I would have been like that.It happens like that sometimes, there doesn't always have to be physical contact on a first date anyway. It's totally natural to feel nervous. Are you going to see them again?
It's probably a miracle that my partner and I ever got together as I was no good with physical contact & she was not very good with conversing relaxedly! But we did it.....