Not keen on hugging or physical contact generally

[almamatters]

Thanks for your response Tessar to my post, you have a way a making people feel a whole lot better about themselves!.

[Tessar]

Oh thank you alma, that's such a lovely thing to say. I am working really hard on believing in myself & kind comments like yours are really helping me. my new friends on NMP are making a huge difference to me... Plus I'm really glad I was able to help.

---------- Post added at 21:22 ---------- Previous post was at 21:18 ----------

Oh I just remembered something that happened to me at a colleague's wedding reception.... My partner and I were just leaving & my colleagues were hugging/kissing goodbye, so there's me, post therapy thinking "come on you can do it" so this colleague goes to hug me but she is so drunk she landed a smacker right on my lips! I was mortified but I did know she was drunk so tried not to obsess over it.
So monday comes and we are back in work & I'm hoping she might not remember about it... Then sheepishly she comes up to me and says "I owe you an apology..."
Turns out that she was more embarrassed about it than I was!!!

[owlkeeper]

@Tessar.. This thread is a bit older but I wanted to respond to it anyway. Very good you have hugged your nephew and niece goodbye!! Well done!!

I think quite a lot of people struggle with this. One of them being my own partner. He is a great person but avoids hugs at all cost. When we first met my kids were still young.. They really are very fond of him so one night when dropping them of at their dad's my oldest gave him a big old hug and he just was like "Uh" and gave him a hand and said guys were supposed to shake hands and not hug. (No worries I explained them later on not all people like to hug but that hugging itself is okay)

He's from a generation earlier than mine (I'm 35 he's 57) and has been raised with strong role models. The husband and father has to be the one who always knows what to do, always stay calm and never show emotion. Man do not hug and do not cry. That is basicly what he was taught and why he still has problems with it.

I hope you will feel more and more comfortable with hugging etc. as time goes by. It's great that you take steps to become more okay with physical contact! I hope you can accept this digital hug

[Tessar]

Hi everyone, so I discussed all this with my counsellor today & mentioned that at nearly 50, you'd think I'd have got the hang of this by now. So she mentioned "there's that critical voice again". And she is right...... it's so easy to be critical of yourself isnt it?
Thank you, owlkeeper, I told my counsellor I'd hugged my nephew and niece goodbye and she was equally praiseworthy of me.
We are never too old to learn something new or become comfortable with it, are we?
Its intereseting what you said about your partner avoiding hugs at all cost. I grew up like that. I did like your explaination about not all people like to hug but that hugging itself is okay. I wish someone had said that to me when I was growing up but it does appear to be a generation thing you are right about that. As I say it's not too late to learn so I am determined to win on this one.
Maybe I should arrante an NMP meet which is tailored around hugging practice?
Your digital hug felt really good thank you. I am working on getting the inner me that I share on the forums out into the open. So I can be comfortable with myself once & for all.
BIG WARM HUGS TO EVERYONE..................

[Tessar]

you wont believe it, but we had visitors in the office today (they'd come from abroad) and well, they were very touchy feely people. I knew they'd come over to my end of the office at some point - fortunately to start with I only had to shake their hand but when they left, one of them kissed me on both cheeks!!! amazingly I didn't freak. I just let them do it. it's the culture where they come from so I think I was more worried about showing myself up than actually letting them do it. I didn't want to let my bosses down as I knew the visitors were important. well, I survived & was none the worse for the experience either.

[owlkeeper]

Very very well done! Another victory Tessar!!!!

[Tessar]

Cheers owlkeeper!

[Tessar]

goodness me...... i allowed someone to kiss me on the cheek yesterday and i didnt shy away. in fact i enjoyed their show of affection.
i'd flown over to an offshore office for my work. the boss over there didnt know it was me coming & he was pleasantly surprised when he saw me walk into the office. i got such a lovely warm welcome that he really made me feel important. i wonder if this is the beginning of believing in myself?????
its a long road but you just have to stay with it dont you!!!

[Tessar]

goodness; I had hugs galore yesterday (some off a total stranger to me). all because we went to support my partners niece in a charity running event. she was very grateful for the support & kept hugging us to say thanks. her team-mate kept doing the same. but I liked it coz they had done brilliantly & it was satisfying to know we'd played our part.

[Tessar]

Visited some relatives while I was on holiday last week. I had no hesitation in hugging them. I was so looking forward to seeing them I actually WANTED to hug them. I saw them later in the week too and my aunt was there as well. When I left, I hugged my cousin but my aunt seemed to hang back. So I made a point of stepping across and initiating a hug. Haa haa.... This was ME initiating a hug, gosh......!!!!! Basically what it boiled down to was..l. I don't see my aunt that often. I could have frozen and walked away without hugging her. But that wouldn't feel right and I'd have felt guilty or that I had let myself down. So instead... I just got in and did it. It feels good to know I can do it and that indeed, I did it.