Not keen on hugging or physical contact generally

[Tessar]

Goodness me but I managed to initiate two lots of contact today; I took a little pressie round to an elderly neighbour, she seemed almost overcome so I put my hand on hers (most unlike me!!!) I felt she needed contact as she's lonely and having a hard time. one with a friend I bumped into - I said to them "would you mind if I did this" and promptly put my arm around them. They didn't mind at all & I felt kind of triumphant afterwards.

[Annie0904]

You have come along so far this year Tessar...a big well done to you. Oh and here is some exposure therapy

[almamatters]

Goodness me but I managed to initiate two lots of contact today; I took a little pressie round to an elderly neighbour, she seemed almost overcome so I put my hand on hers (most unlike me!!!) I felt she needed contact as she's lonely and having a hard time. one with a friend I bumped into - I said to them "would you mind if I did this" and promptly put my arm around them. They didn't mind at all & I felt kind of triumphant afterwards.

Seriously really well done Tessar, you have made some massive steps forward this year. I have struggled with similar issues and hate the awkwardness I feel when anyone tries to hug me, but I am glad to see you are making such good progress. xxx

[Tessar]

Hey Alma, thank you..... When i think where i was just a few months ago, let alone a couple of years ago you're right - I have made some massive steps forward this year. Usually at the end of each year I sit there dreading the next instead of maybe reflecting on my achievements. Well this has to be a big one, really it does ..... I keep reminding friends of mine it's ok to hug me if they want. They are so used to backing off so it's up to me to stick at it. And I will.
This weekend just gone I visited my brother (someone who used to mentally abuse me). We patched it up about 10 years ago but until recently physical contact wasnt something I wanted with him. But now even that has changed. When we left, I initiated a hug. Same with my sister-in-law too & these were people I didnt want to spend time with let alone value or want near me.
Alma, so much is possible you know..... I suggest if an opportunity arises & it's someone you trust, see if you can try a hug if possible. At first it will feel awkward. I suppose like anything, it does take practice. Once you start it's important to keep at it.
My counsellor mentioned to me about "not being so careful". She didnt mean take risks, rather that I need to let go a little & trust people enough to allow them closer to me both emotionally & physically. It's worth it.
Even in the context of seeing my counsellor, I have asked if we can sit next to each other next time I see her. This is a huge thing for me as I do keep people at arm's length (or longer) so I know it'll feel odd & uncomfortable but only because of my past. Not because my counsellor is any sort of threat to me. Moreso its the overwhelming feel good factor I experience in my sessions. I fear that I will literally be overcome somehow. But I am realising that doesnt happen, instead I can soak up the good feelings & treat them as welcome rather than run away. That's my plan!
To anyone who struggles with physical contact in this way, see if you can try it. Again - it's worth it (and so are you).

[shannabanna]

This is such an interesting subject. My Mum who is the best mum ever has never been able to give me any physical contact. It is only now as an adult have I started to realise the absence of hugs etc.

Don't get me wrong, she has devoted time and love and everything to me but has always said she feels uncomfortable with affection as though it is insincere or something? My sister is the same and will say "I don't do hugs or kisses" when she says goodbye to friends and family as though it is a weakness.

I always felt uncomfortable also as a child, but as an adult I am totally ok with hugs and physical contact, but I have been made to feel abnormal by my family because of it.

[Tessar]

shannabanna; i'm really pleased that u r ok with hugs and physical contact. I feel like that is a real victory for you, especially as u felt uncomfortable as a child. It's your family who r missing out now...... Which is a shame.