your thoughts please;(

[andy2020]

hi all hope your all doing well,

hi i have agarphobia and severe anxiety mild depression i can however go about quater or less from my home on a good day and ive been like this for the last 10 years but its a family question really the question is am i a mug/doormat?

my mum has had numerous prblems with her knees hip etc cause shes 82 and she lives around the corner from me i always try to get there 2-3times a week on a night when its quieter but this is still a massive struggle for me and i go and support her tell her everythings ok and she will walk again soon if she rests and be patient the amount of support and encouragement i give her to make her feel better, and she knows about my problems ag/anxiety etc and not once does she say your doing really well coming here and hopefully you will make more progress if you stick with it you know genaral things support like i give her but all she seems todo is take take take all my energy but what can i do shes my mam i get nothing from her not 1 ounce of support of encouragement and yet she expects it from me ,
its emotionally draining for me and wearing me down;(,

anyways thnx for your time and any advice would be most appreciated thnx .

[granny85]

Hi
I know what you mean - I now live in France (since 2000) But I used to make the effort, several times a year, to drive over to Preston from the Vendée in France (ie- set off 7am and arrive 11.30pm) - but Mum would just be so selfish! For example, I had to cross between her & the TV to sit down, and her favourite programme was on, & she said 'get out of the way' - not 'did you have a good journey,' or 'nice to see you'. I have come to the conclusion that older folk become VERY selfish & only think about themselves. Mum died 10 years ago, but I won't ever forget that night!!
You are doing well, but Mum is probs only thinking about herself; take her back 20 years & I'm sure she would react as you would have wanted; sorry, and keep on doing what you are doing. xx

[TC]

Andy, sorry to hear that's taking such a toll on you!!

Could it be that your mother just doesn't understand how serious your problems are? I've seen this firsthand, believe me. Sometimes people who aren't experiencing it themselves don't grasp how big of a deal it is. She might not realize just how difficult it is for you to make what she thinks is a short trip around the corner. Sadly, there are so many people in this world that can't fully understand mental problems. She might think you're simply overreacting. Not to say she doesn't care! She could care about you a great deal and just not get it. Have you sat down and explained to her just how severe it is? How exactly it makes you feel and how much of a struggle it is? If not, don't assume she'll understand otherwise, because a lot of people won't. :(

Also, she could just be distracted by what she had going on herself. It sounds like she's in pain, and if she's having trouble with mobility and taking care of herself, that would be taking a great toll on her as well. It could be frustrating her. It could be depressing her. But I bet she does genuinely appreciate you coming over so often to help her. :)

Wish you the best of luck!