Worst travel panic day, don't know how to get past this :o(

[Snoodlester]

I've had a travelling phobia for a while now, but I could just about get by with it. Then about a month ago I had my last 2 days at work, so my dad said he'd drive me from Weston to Bristol on both days. In the past I restrict these journeys to as little as possible (probably several months apart), so the fact I travelled there and back again on both days with little anxiety was a huge achievement. I also went on a few trips shortly after this, no problem.

Then about a fortnight ago I had my worst panic attack ever, in the worst place possible - on a particularly tricky stretch of road. I managed to get through it with distraction, and now I have a great fear of it. I wasn't feeling particularly well at the time, which either contributed or simply didn't help.

Since then I've been avoiding going on this road - typically it's really the only one out of Weston unless we make a massive detour. So to build up my confidence I've been going on little journeys around Weston, but very few have been good for me. I seem to have had a low-level anxiety/ill feeling and the least little thing sets off my panic.

I belong to a group, who arrange regular trips, talks, etc and today we were meeting at Bristol Zoo for the day. So I've been worrying about travelling out of Weston since these panic attacks started. Mum kept saying, it'll be nice if you went, you'll enjoy the day, etc, she also said Dad bets you won't go - so it would be good to prove him wrong. I woke up relatively early this morning with major negative thoughts and 'what could go wrong', but I'd already decided to take some diazepam to see me through this difficult part of the journey. Annoyingly too my list of 'safety' items has increased massively recently and I don't know why - so I had a shopping bag full of stuff and Dad just tutted saying 'what have you got that for'. But I thought, well if it allows me to travel on this occasion, so what. When we got to the feared part of the road, I started to panic, and I said 'this is the bit I was worried about - just drive!', Dad was slowing down for some reason, and if I hadn't have said drive the lights would have changed to red and I think I would have just had meltdown I calmed down relatively quickly and the rest of the journey was ok. I enjoyed my day at the zoo, but still felt anxious most of the day. So for the journey back I took another diazepam. Just 15 minutes into the drive I felt panicky again, and told my parents I don't feel very well. Dad, who really doesn't understand this, said what's up now, tut. Of course I don't know, I just feel 'trapped'. Then we hit some roadworks and traffic lights and I started to panic again, so had to get out my iPod to distract myself. When we drove on, I calmed down a bit but extremely anxious and panicky for the rest of the journey and had to keep distracting myself. It's left me feeling really drained and upset.

I know I had bad anticipatory anxiety, and felt edgy, but thought the diazepam would have calmed me down enough. I also realize I didn't have much for lunch, and no snacks in between so perhaps I had low blood sugar?

I know I've always been anxious in the past, but nothing like this. I'm really struggling to cope with it at the moment and don't know how to get past it

[nomorepanic]

Have you read any of my stories about my driving problems at all?

Some of it may help.

[Snoodlester]

Hi Nicola, no I haven't - I'll take a look.
Thanks, Sue x

---------- Post added at 20:55 ---------- Previous post was at 20:00 ----------

Hi Nicola
I've just read your story, and could almost have written it myself! That's exactly what it's like for me. I've been waiting for CBT since February, and feel that it's my thoughts that have been deteriorating. My brain is so used to thinking this way, that it's on automatic pilot. I've been trying CBT4PANIC and it started to work at first, but I now seem unable to utlilize what I've learnt and I'm fearing the panic more and more. I just don't know how to change it without help.
But reading the other things that scare you is so familiar to me. I hate lifts & escalators (although I will do these things if there are few people around), cinemas & theatre (unless I have an aisle seat), dentist chair (it's not the procedure that bothers me, it's the feeling of being trapped) and of course driving (feel trapped if there's no easy exit/pull over, traffic jams, traffic lights when other traffic's around, etc) and when I'm a passenger I guess it's because I'm not in control and have to go where the driver takes me - although I do request certain routes when possible. I also hate buses, trains, planes and taxis - all for the same trapped feeling.
I'm going to continue searching the threads, but do you know of any other 'coping' strategies for these situations when you feel they can't be faced? The feelings are just so overwhelming :(
Many thanks, Sue x

[nomorepanic]

I have done some threads on here that may help but they are long so you will have to skip through the replies maybe to read what I posted.

I will dig some out and post the links for you

As for coping - I wrote a bit about coping when driving on the Coping website page over on the left <<<<<<<<<<<<