Yes, I am the same person that 2 weeks ago published the thread "Sick of Citalopram: reducing dose from 30 to 20mg".
2 weeks ago I was so confused and didn't know what else to do with myself, I was afraid that there was no hope for me.
My Anxiety relapse started 3 months ago.After about 4 weeks of horrible Panic, Anxiety and the beggining of Depression I started back on 20mg of Citalopram. I might have been ok if I had just gone on a short course of Klonopin (Klonazepan) but I wanted to start the Antidepressant before it got too bad because the last time I had Anxiety 2 years ago it got so bad that I ended up in the Mental Hospital for 10 days. Not because I was crazy or suicidal but because it was my first time experiencing intrusive thoughts that involved hurting myself or others and when my Psychologist explained to me that this was a common symptom of high Anxiety I didn't believe him and convinced myself that I was going crazy. So this time I wanted to prevent myself from getting as low as last time by starting back on Citalopram at 20mg (last time I was on 40mg for 1 year and then I weaned myself out slowly in the course of 3 months or so).
When I started Citalopram I experienced loss of apetite, nausea, increased Anxiety and Panic, insomnia, horrid hot flashes that felt like my skin was on fire, feeling absolutely horrible in the morning and like I couldn't cope, hoplessness, Depression, etc....
After 3 weeks I was feeling really miserable and worse. I called my GP just to ask a question about side effects but instead I got the nurse who said she wanted to see me "This dose of Citalopram is not working for you, increase it to 30mg". I thought that was kind of soon so I decided not to listen and continue at 20mg. I was still having all the horrid side effects too.
After 4 weeks I finally got my apetite back and the nause stoped. I had lost 15 lbs that I didn't need to lose and I was down to 110 lbs. However I still had hot flashes, insomnia, Anxiety, Depression and felt horrible in the mornings. I had to take Klonopin to help me through many of the days. However my hubby said that he could see me getting better (I didn't see myself getting better though. I didn't know what he was talking about).
After 5 weeks the side efefcts were going away: I had apetite again, hot flashes were gone and I was sleeping a little better at night but I was getting more Depressed and still had Anxiety. I started to sleep a lot during the day and had no motivation. I think this may have been because I was having marital problens but I attributed it to the Citalopram. I woke up from a nap with a horrid Panic attack with burning skin and racing thoughts. I thought "this is not working, I should up the dose like my GP said", so I upped the dose to 30 mg. My hubby said "you should just stay at 20mg".
After 6 weeks of Citalopram (1 week on 30 mg) I started to feel worse. My apetite got bad again, I got more Depressed, I couldn't stop sleeping (I slept 16 hours one day), I couldn't get myself to do anything, I even went without a shower for 1 week! I had never ever felt this lack of motivation and desire to just sleep and not live. It was scaring me. This just kept getting worse and worse every day until I called my GP.
At 7 weeks I saw my GP's nurse and she said that she doubted that Citalopram would work for me and told me to switch medications. She wanted me to drop the dose to 20mg again and take 10mg of Pristiq (Desventalafaxine) with it until I could replace the Citalopram with Pristiq. This was really hard for me because I could see myself going from medication to medication for months and not getting better. I was desperate and terrified. I am supposed to start my Masters degree in July and I can't be sleeping all the time and gagging every morning!! I had read the reviews on Citalopram, (the real research ones, not the horror stories told by people), and I had found that research showed it to be very effective. I read the same type of reviews on Pristiq and they showed pristiq to be barely better than Placebo and to be really hard to wean out of... not good!!!! I did not trust Pristiq, plus I had been on Citalopram once before (at 40mg) and it had worked great for me.
I talked to my hubby about it, I wanted to go to the hospital (the mental hospital) to let the "real good Psychiatrists" find a good Antidepressant for me instead of "some GP's nurse who doesn't know what she's talking about". I was not about to go on a bunch of different medications for months on end!!! My hubby said: "trust me on this one, I am no doctor but my gut instinct says that you should just go back down to 20mg of Citalopram and leave it at that, the days you struggle just take Klonopin, develop a routine, exercise, and in time you will forget about your Anxiety". I said: "ok, I will trust you on this one". I threw Pristiq away and dropped to 20mg Citalopram.
At week 8 I had regained my apetite again, hot flashes were gone, and sleep at night was good. I still had some morning Anxiety and lack of motivation and I was still sleepy but I seemed more able to push myself to get up. I started jogging and going out which I had been doing before for several weeks but now it seemed to actually make me feel good, whereas before I did all these things and it helped me momentarily but I felt misserable again once I was back at home. I was feeling about 60% normal within just 1 week.
At the beggining of week 9 I was feeling even better. Morning Anxiety was greatly decresed and I was feeling about 90% normal!! I started to get excited about the future. One huge change that I noticed is that I could be at home by myself with nothing to do and not panic!!!
In the last 4 days I have woken up with zero Anxiety and excited about life. This was a huge imrpovement because for the past 3 months I had not had one single day when I felt happy in the mornings! My apetite is great, too good!! I sleep good at night, I have more energy and motivation, I even have done a lot of spring cleaning in my home. On Friday night I was completely alone overnight in the house because my husband went camping with all my boys. I never Panicked!! I ordered myself a pizza and had ice cream while I watched a bunch of movies and went to sleep. I had a good night rest! I woke up completely alone in the house the next morning with zero Anxiety, zero Depression and happy.
This is miraculous. I think Citalopram helped me but I think it was not the only thing that did the trick for me. Sometimes one has to persevere through going out, exercising and keeping occupied. I did all these things for weeks and I wasn't feeling better but it takes time even for these things to start helping. Sometimes doctors don't give the best advice with regards to medication. I realized that the nurse didn't know what she was talking about when she told me that the Antidepressant should make me feel better in one week. This is completely unrealistic, when you have all sorts of stressors in your life and think negatively how can a pill fix it all in 7 days??? She also denied that Antidepressants can make you feel more Anxious at first "that just doesn't happen, they are supposed to calm you down" she said. She denied that Antidepressants can cause hotflashes, burning skin, insomnia and lack of apetite and she told me that I was severely Depressed. I was only Depressed due to Anxiety though and once Anxiety goes away so does my Depression....
Medication takes time to work and when it does, it cannot fix everything by itself, there are side effects that go away with time and I think it is best to stay at the lowest dose possible for a while before uppping the dose. I also think it is important to stay on a medication long enough to allow it to work before jumping to another medication, and yet another, and another, for who knows how long!! Sorry for the long post. This has been really hard for me but I feel much better, about 95% better now and I hope you all find the right combination of medication, therapy and self help to get yourself better :-)
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