Escitalopram Diary at nearly two weeks

[bounceback11]

Hey guys

I am just about to hit two weeks on escitalopram and thought I would start a little diary so when I'm having a bad day I can look back at how I felt and remind myself to not get anxious!

After a bit of stress I had a panic attack about 4 weeks ago and over the course of a week slowly slid back into anxiety. I have a childhood fear of vcjd so once I get anxious I tell myself it is the beginning of vcjd and thus get stuck in a vicious circle. I took escitalopram after a similar period around three years ago and it worked wonders for me so I'm hoping it will be the same this time!

Today I'm feeling very detached. I haven't slept well for the last three days and am struggling today. I work nights so sleeping in the day is already hard but this anxiety is making it worse. I feel kinda empty as if I should be anxious but I'm not and a little restless. When I try and sleep I get weird racing thoughts and I'm constantly worried about my memory although people tell me I actually have a very good memory. My girlfriend is away on holiday with her friends so I'm missing her too and feeling a little lonely. I'm just anxious that I wont sleep and I'll feel worse later.

Anyway guys hope your all well if you've got anything to say drop me a message.

Take care.

---------- Post added at 12:49 ---------- Previous post was at 12:13 ----------

I'm also being driven mad by racing thoughts which scare me and make me think I'm going mad. I just thought I was in a convo with Kanye West! Argh!

---------- Post added at 12:56 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------

I keep panicking about where time has gone too. I've been lying in bed since 10.30 and feel like 2.5 hours have flown by!

[karenp]

Hi, how are you today? I'm Karen and have been on Escitalopram for the first time for 6 months now, though I have taken Citalopram before and find this SSRI much easier to tolerate (:
You have been here before so don't need me to tell you how long it should take for the meds to kick in for you but just to let you know I am here if you need a chat. I am doing very well on Escit and have my life back now (:
Everything you have said reminds me of how I was 6 months ago but you just hang on in there and as time goes by you will get well again as before, hugs Karen xxx

[bounceback11]

Hey Karen

It's nice to hear from you! yea I'm doing my best but I've just hit a bit of a rough patch at the mo and have succumbed a bit to irrational thoughts after a good spell. I'm glad to hear you have your life back that's fantastic I remember how good that felt last time when I started to realise everything was going to be ok and that I started to feel myself again.

At the moment I've convinced myself of a few new symptoms. I'm still worried about my memory which seems to be super jumbled and I've also become super aware of my hands and am convinced I'm becoming more clumsy. Both these symptoms are convincing me that I'm beginning my slide into vcjd which is ridiculous but that is the negative pattern I'm stuck in at the moment. Hopefully I can finally sleep properly today and start a little more positively tonight.

I'm changing when I'm taking my escitalopram today so I'm hoping that by taking it when I wake up it will be able to help me a bit with my depersonalisation.

Hope everyone is good.

Take care.

---------- Post added at 12:51 ---------- Previous post was at 11:31 ----------

For the last three days I've had terrible racing thoughts all day and today I've gone to bed and my head feels totally clear ... SO now I'm worrying because I don't have the racing thoughts. How weird is that? Does this happen to anyone else?

[karenp]

Hi, how are you doing??? I used to be the same , I'd worry when I'd get my physical or mental symptoms even when I felt normal but the more better you get the less you even think about anything at all other than normal every day life! I used to be just the same though, I really did but the more good days you have the less and less you will think about it all (:

[bounceback11]

Hi Karen

Thanks for your reply. I'm doing ok. I'm at day 15 and I've hit a kinda brain fog stage where everything I do, think and feel is kinda detached and remote from me. I'm trying to remind myself it's just anxiety but the other part of my brain is telling me it's the start of me going mad. I've also somehow managed to convince myself that I'm getting clumsier and that my hands aren't working right so that's another niggling worry. Other than that though I feel ok. How are you? Hope you are well. I have a week off work now so I'm going to concentrate on sorting myself out.

Take care

[bounceback11]

Hey guys

Slept a bit funny last night and have woken up feeling super detached. Panicking a lot about my memory. Feel as if I can't remember what it's like to be normal anymore. Just feel lost and empty.

Take care

[bounceback11]

Hey guys

Im super jittery today. I feel completely numb and empty and my mind is totally blank. Very weird and a little unnerving but I know I just need to keep going and hopefully the medication will start to have positive effects.

Take care.

[karenp]

Hi, how are you doing? It's hard for me to remember the early days now as they really do end up just being a bad distant memory but this horrible start up period will pass for you darl. I def remember week 6 being so much better and starting to have really brilliant normal days, I know that still sounds ages off for you.

[bounceback11]

Hey

Sorry I haven't replied in a while I went on holiday for a bit! Overall things are really starting to improve! I've been having some really good days where I haven't been worrying much at all! I'm having a down day today though unfortunately I messed up my sleeping pattern so I haven't slept properly and I'm feeling very jittery. Hopefully I can push through this bad day and work tonight and start feeling better in the morning!

Take care.
Ben

[Sober2000june]

best of luck Ben.

I just took my first half of a 5mg tab half an hr ago. off to bed