Just thought I would add my experience of diazepam for anyone who is on it, going to start using it, or is thinking about coming off it.

Background
I started taking Diazepam in January this year after anxiety came back into my life in a serious way. I was frightened to take the first tablet! I'm scared of drugs and alcohol so I was scared of how it would make me feel.
I had held off taking a tablet for a few weeks but one particular panic attack was so unbearable that I wanted something to take the pain away.
Damn did it work well!! I felt very calm and normal for quite a few hours after that tablet! Wow!
Throughout January I continued to take a small tablet on a one off basis. I was coming back on SSRI's and they really hit me very hard so the diazepams were a much needed short relief.
February came and I was told it was safe to take a few times a day. I was fine with that! I started taking between 4-6mg a day. Still what seems like a very low dose to most people, but they sure did work.
Fast forward to April and I had been on a constant 4mg a day since. This was at least 2mg morning and 2mg evening. I had noticed however that I wasn't really feeling them anymore. I felt nothing. I was aware that the body can build up tolerance very quickly so I figured this had happened. I carried on taking them until the start of May when I decided that it was time to come off Diazepam.
I'm still not comfortable in anyway from my anxiety. Infact, I'm worse now than I've ever been in my entire life. I've been bed bound for 3 months. Curtains closed and scared to even talk to my dad. I figure that my tolerance of diazepam isn't helping this or my mood. I either up my diazepam so they continue to take away this horror, or I get off them and tackle this head on.
So weekly I've been trying to cut a small amount. I tried a few times and failed miserably but after some proper research and advice, I'm now cutting 0.5mg every week and a half.
Professional advice tells me to cut this dose every 2 - 4 weeks, but this would mean being on diazepam for much longer than I want to be, so I'm doing it a bit shorter due to the fact I have only been on a fairly low dose for a fairly short period of time.

This is not to say I'm not suffering badly.

Present Day
Two days ago I made my most recent dosage cut. I'm now on 2mg a day. That's 1mg morning and 1mg evening. My last cut from 1mg morning to 1.5mg evening was HORRIBLE. It didn't hit me until about 3 or 4 days after the cut to give me problems. I'm expecting to feel that pain again either tomorrow or Saturday. Diazepam has a very long half life which is why this happens. It's almost why it's the best diazepam to withdraw from.

I've read horror stories about withdrawing this drug. Most stories though are from people who have been on the drug for 10years plus and have been on 30mg a day. I've heard very little from people who have been on a similar dose to me for a similar period of time.
It's very hard to distinguish what symptoms are Diazepam withdrawal related or just my predisposed anxiety, but I believe it's adding alot of unwanted anxiety and depression to the mix.

My symptoms that seem to occur 4 days after each cut have been:
-VERY SEVERE Depersonalisation/derealisation. It no longer seems that anything around me is real life. It doesn't feel like reality. Without a doubt the most frightening and annoying symptom.
- Insomnia. It's taking me hours to try and get to sleep at night.
- Anhedonia. I have been suffering a severe lack of interest in life since March and it has worsened recently. I'm currently bed bound and have been for 3 months.
- Muscle twitches.
- Sweating
- Vivid dreams (?), I've been experiencing these very strongly since before I took my first diazepam back in very early January, since I've been back on SSRI's but I think these also might be to blame.
- Increased anxiety. Very jumpy, very scared of everything, nothing gives me comfort and relief.
- Agoraphobia (due to a mix of all the above symptoms).


So I have 4 more cuts to make. I need to plan each one carefully as the increased side effects don't tend to kick in until 3 or 4 days after the cuts so if I have CBT, I need to make sure it's not 3 or 4 days after the cut! I've already cancelled one appointment because of this!

I also have another massive worry on my plate and need to plan my cuts around this! I have a month left on my house in Cardiff (which I had to move away from since this breakdown. Currently living with my dad in Cornwall). I still have 90% of my belongings up in Cardiff which if not collected by July, the new tenants of the house will have them! I need to hire and van with my dad and go up to pack it all up and bring it back down here.
I've been housebound for 3 months, VERY agoraphobic, extremely anxious and sleepless. I now also no longer have the crutch of popping a diazepam to help me through such a mission so I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to do this.

I deleted my blog a while back but I will be doing updates from time to time in here, mainly consisting of my experience of withdrawing off diazepam.

It's very scary and not a nice thing to do!

Steven x