Heya, my name is Kristina, 17 years old and from Sweden. For as long as I can remember I've been extremely afraid of getting diseases like cancer or HIV. I have never got diagnosed with anything but here's some examples, I never touch door handles on toilets because I'm afraid of STDs, I know it's not even logical but I seriously can't help it.
Another example, I don't eat anything produced outside the north, (Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark) because I'm afraid of eating some weird chemicals that are allowed in other countries and then get cancer from it, I know it's really dumb but I can once again not help it, and I hate it.
Know you know a bit who I am, I'll tell you about my latest problem now. Here in Sweden we have a lot of parties when you get out of school at the summer and there's a lot of parties outdoors in gardens and forests. So last week I was on a party located in my friends garden, the place was crowded and it's really popular (for some reason) to smoke cigars. Almost everyone except me and my closest friends smoked and you could really smell the smoke in the air.
This had happened once before but that was in my friends car, I was in the car with all open windows for like 40 minutes.
I was really drunk by that time and didn't think about the smoke, I stayed for like one hour and a half then left. The following days I didn't think of it so much but it always keep me awake at the nights, the though that I will get lung cancer.
But yes I know this is dumb to think like this, people smoke multiple packages of cigarettes a day, this passive smoking I did is nothing compared to that. But for me it isn't so easy to think like that. All the anti-smoke propaganda here in Sweden telling smoking kills both the smoker and the people around him makes me get panic, and everyone in my family that always telling me smoking kills just makes me get even more panic.
I always thinking about living a long and healthy life, I train a lot (like running and gym) and eat healthy but these things about the passive smoking I've done makes me feel dirty and not able to live a long life, it feels like that I've ruined my future and there is no idea to aim for a long life because I'm already infected by the smoke. You might maybe think this sounds really stupid but I don't have any will to live if I'm going to die early in cancer, this makes me so sad and all I want to do is just lay down and be sad.