I need some logic here...

[GoogleNoMore]

About 3 weeks ago, I went to see a doctor assistant (my own doctor was overbooked) because of a cough that was not improving. Because I have had bronchitis before, I was pretty sure that was what I had this time around. I really regret having made the appointment, though, because I have been hyper-anxious ever since.

It is indicated in my files that I have HA. I have no problem with that. I also mentioned it to the assistant. I believe in being up front. He attempted to calm me down before we started any consultation. His method of calming me? Telling me about a bunch of young children who were electrocuted at a sporting event from a freak storm 20+miles away from the actual event, when lightning struck the ground, hit an underground water source which happened to travel the distance to the children on the field. This was after I told him my son (same age as those kids) was playing ball that night, and that I was looking forward to it. THIS was his idea of comforting chit-chat.

When we got on to the actual consultation, I mentioned the cough, and told him that the congestion made it challenging to breathe properly when I was in bed, which is pretty standard for any cold, I'm thinking. He jumped on that comment and started talking about congestive heart failure! He checked my ankles and feet for swelling (there was none) but kept going on about CHF. I swear, I was there only for a lingering cough. I had no unusual symptoms besides the run of mill cold type. Needless to say, my blood pressure and pulse skyrocketed, which in my head linked right to some sort of serious heart condition instantaneously. Even though I was only bothered by a nagging cough.

Since then, I have been filled with dread, anxiety and fear. I was doing so well (almost a year since my last HA attack) and in spite of having a lot of personal stress lately, was doing well to keep my health fears out of the mix. Since that appointment, though, I can't sleep, have shortness of breath, various abdominal pains, severe bloating and crying fits. I worry about:

- congestive heart failure
- liver problems
- kidney problems
- cancer of some sort

I made an appointment with my actual doctor for a follow up last week (guess what? I HAD BRONCHITIS!!) and told him what happened. He ordered tests for my liver (follow up from my gall bladder removal last fall, and I've been having some discomfort there) and my thyroid. I see him again Monday for the results.

In the meantime, I have to remain logical. I can see, when I step outside myself, that most of my symptoms are probably anxiety-related, since I didn't have them (or at least, I didn't suffer from them so badly as to notice them) before the appointment with the horrid assistant. I am thinking that all of his comments planted major fears in my head. Between his comments and the majors stress in my life, perhaps the worry I have now is perpetuating my symptoms?

How will I go on until Monday? How do I look at my little boy without wondering what his life is going to be like without a mommy? How do I get back to what I was last month, relatively calm and worry-free. What happens if those tests come back fine? Do I lay low for a bit, see if that removes my anxiety? Or do I say, "Yes, but... I still feel..." and ask him to order the full run-up of blood tests (which in hindsight is something I should have asked for them?)

I honestly don't know what kind of response I am looking for here. Mostly, I guess, I was hoping that by writing out some of my thoughts I would be more sure that anxiety is causing my physical problems, but... the physical feelings are SO strong I can't help but feel that there's something wrong. I also, honestly, feel disappointed in myself, that I've fallen off the wagon so hard. I suppose I am looking for an outsider to say something, a flash of brilliance, of logic, of common sense... I don't know. Does anyone have anything for me?

and sorry this post was so long-winded...

[Stena]

Hi, not sure what I can say to make you feel better, but I have those same thoughts. I was fine until a health scare at the end of April and since then it has been tough. My son is 13 & all think about is not being there for him. I also notice all sorts of aches & pains now and would give anything to feel normal per end of April again. You are not alone with these thoughts & in the majority of cases it turns out to be nothing. Take care x

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello there,

Wow! what an awful and extremely unhelpful appointment you had with the "doctor's assistant" What is a "doctor's assistant" please?? we don't have them here in the UK so just wondering what exactly are they ??

How on earth they thought that they would be helping you by telling you that horrific story about those children being electrocuted, is just beyond me, and such a cruel thing to tell someone who is already highly anxious

Firstly let's get all this into perspective

Accidents happen all the time, but if we look at the big picture, how often do these tragedies happen??........really not very often. It's just the press really hype these sorts of things up and would have us believe they are common........they are NOT!!

The chance of anything like that happening to your little boy are so very remote, so please try to not scare yourself any more. Instead of focussing on the bad things that can happen in life, which are very, very rare, try to get your focus on the wonderful things that happen, which are much more common

Be proud and happy that your little boy loves to play ball and is doing well and is really enjoying it, and you love to watch him, those are the things that are important here, soak up all the good things and all the fun things in life

Now, as for the congestive heart failure remark, I'm not sure how they could jump at such a diagnoses without further information from various tests??

Once again, it's beyond me as to why a medic would come out with such a scary thing to a patient that is known to them to be highly anxious

I do have heart issues and I can assure you that none of the medical profession that I've seen would act in such a way. In fact, they normally go out of there way to put your mind at ease and take your fears away so much as they can

No wonder you've been so frightened, that would put the fear at most people, even if you didn't have anxiety on top

If I were you, I would try my hardest, and I do know how hard it is, to put everything that this "doctors assistant" said to you, to the back of your mind, none of it is any help to you and all it's done is too feed your anxiety more

Don't look at your little boy and think how his life would be without his Mommy, he's NOT going to ever be without his Mommy.

Look at him and think wow! what a lovely little boy I've got, I'm so looking forward to watching him grow, and learn and have fun. I've got so many wonderful years to come with him

Anxiety can cause all sorts of horrible physical symptoms that can have you believe that there is something seriously wrong.

But once again, lets rationalise that thought

I've had depression and anxiety since 1984, I have all heaps of very strange and scary symptoms along the way

But yet all these years later, I'm still here, nothing dreadful has ever happened to me even through the worst panic attacks and even when I thought there was something seriously wrong, there wasn't, cos I'm still here to prove it

I really hope this helps some, sending hugs

[GoogleNoMore]

@Stena - thank you so much for your kind thoughts. It does help to know I am not the only mom out there who feels like this... I know just what you mean about wanting to feel the way you did "before"... one good thing I can say is that I can go without an HA attack for longer stretches; so there's hope for everyone. Take care of yourself and thanks so much for answering.

---------- Post added at 16:53 ---------- Previous post was at 16:03 ----------

@Auntie Moosie - thank you, thank you, thank you! Your post is just what my anxious self needs to be reminded of.

You're right; it's all about perspective. There was no need for him to tell me all these things, it's obvious it would set me up for anxiety. (By the way, a doctor's assistant is a person who supports a doctor, by taking medical histories, performing certain physical examinations and providing counselling on preventative health care but he cannot prescribe medication. I never saw this man before. And it is now in my charts that I will NOT see him again. )

You are right that good things far outweigh the bad, and that I am better off focussing on all the wonderful things in my life.

The fact that my symptoms seem to worsen when I focus on them, that they do not wake me at night, and that they only all seem to have appeared AFTER the dreadful visit should be a hint that all of them are most likely anxiety-induced.

So, at this point, what I will do is try to keep busy (thanks to you and Annie0904 for tips on how to do that in a constructive manner ) until my appointment on Monday morning. At that point, I will decide how I should proceed. And to let my doctor make the diagnosis, not me, not that awful doctor's assistant, and certainly not Dr. Google.

Thank you again, Auntie - for the logic and the support! What a wreck I would be without this forum!

[AuntieMoosie]

You're more than welcome

Let us know how you get on on Monday please wont you

[GoogleNoMore]

I promise I will!

[GoogleNoMore]

Well, I saw the doctor today, and the liver function and thyroid tests are all good (actually on the lower end of the range). He listened to my heart (again) and said heart and lungs are good and clear. We spent a lot of the time discussing my HA, and options for me. He is so wonderfully sympathetic and comforting. He has ordered a few follow-up blood tests for other things (that I am not stressed about at all) and said that he feels the majority of my symptoms are anxiety-related, and it's possible I have stress-induced IBS. He recommended a few things for me to try (including more fibre in my diet and a website called "e-couch", which is put on by the same people who did "mood gym") and to make a follow-up appointment for 2 weeks from now so I can check in with him regarding both my physical symptoms AND my anxieties.

I still feel ill and a bit worried, and he said he expects I will for a bit, while I allow the stress to leave my body. He said patience and kindness is key. I hoped the feelings would go immediately, but he said I sure worked myself into a state, and there's no doubt anxiety plays a huge role in how well our bodies feel. I do, most importantly, feel calm and at peace.

And here is one thing he told me to try when I am feeling particularly worried about a symptom or a fear of illness: picture a person you know who you trust, whose opinion you value, who you feel would not steer you wrong. In your mind (or write it out), tell that person what you are feeling, and what you are fearing. Then, consider what that person would tell you about your symptoms. How would they break it down for you? What would they recommend you do?

I told him: I already do that. I come here, to this forum! But I think his tip is a good one, because it encourages us to be a bit logical, even if we have to role-play a bit to get there.

I thank you all for your support. And I know I'll get through this, one day at a time.

[AuntieMoosie]

Hi there

Well that sounds like a very positive and helpful appointment with your doctor and I'm so happy to hear that he's already putting your mind at rest

I totally agree with him too. Being kind to yourself and learning to love yourself for who you are, is one of the most important things you can do

It's no good beating yourself up about anything, it's not going to help. Just believe in yourself and love yourself for who you are, warts an all, that's what makes you the person you are

As well as asking a trusted friend to rationalize with, you could also have a go at it yourself, I do it all the time and it does help a lot

Every time you get a scary thought, stop! and think about it, ask yourself, what evidence do I have ?? has anything really bad ever happened to me before, even though I might have been feeling dreadful ??

The thing about anxiety is that it's a big fat lie!! lol.....it will try having you believe the most strange things at times...lol........so to confront it full on is, I think, one of the most useful things you can do, I know it works for me for most of the time, sometimes if I get too overwhelmed with panic, it's a little more difficult, but I try my best to just ride it out then I can prove to myself that I had nothing to fear

It's great that you're feeling so much more positive about it now.

So here's some rules from Auntie Moosie

1) Be kind to yourself at all times.

2) Believe in yourself and your abilities.

3) Love yourself for who you are, warts an all.

4) Give the anxiety a kick in the butt by rationalizing it.

5) Keep as stress free as you can and learn to relax properly.

6) Take it a chunk at a time, small and slow steps win the race.

Please keep in touch and update your thread so as we can see how you're doing and give you support if you hit a tricky moment

[GoogleNoMore]

Ah, Auntie Moosie! You have been my rock when I was so scared - I hope you know how much I appreciate your kind words and awesome advice, and the invitation to stick around; I am going to take you up on that!

I'm still shaky today, and still thinking some bad thoughts, so... I am here. To get support and to give support, because I know that one thing that really helps is knowing I am not alone in this battle. To know that somewhere, out there, someone is feeling what I feel, and that I don't really have to "explain", because they just "get it" gives me strength. I am trying not to panic; I am planning my day one hour at a time. And I am staying away from Google.

Baby steps. And lots of chamomile tea. And lavender under my nose, to give me restful breaths. This all would have been easier if I would have slept better last night, but... I am sure I'll sleep better tonight!

[AuntieMoosie]

Oh yes! please do stick around, it's lovely to see how people are getting on through both the good times and the bad

When I have felt at my worst, I've literally taken life an hour at a time, it was all I could cope with, I would plan an hour, get through that, then plan another hour and so on, it just seems to make it much easier if you can break it up Some days, just the thought of a whole day, 24 hours, just completely overwhelmed me.

Yes please ban yourself from Dr Google, he's a bad guy that doesn't help you, he only frightens you more

Oh I absolutely love lavender, I've got the stuff everywhere, the look of it and the aroma from it I find really relaxing, I spray a tiny bit on my pillow at night to try to help me sleep, even though it seldom makes me sleep, it does relax me so that has to be a plus

My sleep is just dreadful! and when I see my doctor in a few weeks I'm going to be really nagging him for some real help........they keep telling me all the usual stuff to try, all of which I have tried, and none of it works for me

The thing is sleep is soooo important to health, both physical and mental.

A psychiatrist told me many years ago that lack of sleep just makes all illness worse, especially depression and anxiety, he told me that if you can have a good sleep of at least 6 hours a night, then you're half way there to winning the battle

So I shall insist on some real help when I see my doctor, it's really dragging me down, my immune system isn't working well either, which I suspect is through lack of sleep. I don't want sleeping tablets though cos they don't give you natural sleep, but there must be something they can do for a poor old gal