Hi there,

Am new to this site, found it through a Google search when I typed in health anxiety for some reassurance and came across this website, glad I did :-)

A bit about me:-

I am female, 30 years of age and have a normal working class life, am sure like most people here.

I have suffered with more like anxiety symptoms rather than actual panic attacks themselves (personally I feel which is worse for me) I remember my 1st panic attack, again like most of you.

I have a tendency to think I'm going to have or will soon have:-

A) heart attack
B) stroke
C) brain tumour or similar
D) high blood pressure

My DR knows me very well, well between the ages of 18-25, where I was asking for numerous tests, I have had in the past:-

MRI scan on my head
Various X-rays
Endless ECGS
24 Heart monitor
Heart rhythm test
Stress test
Endless blood tests

I really try and think back to what could have caused an anxiety such as health anxiety, and I can't think of anything that could have triggered it, maybe seeing my 2 grandparents for in the same year who I was very close with when I was 12 (nan died of long cancer at 59, she did smoke a lot and grandad died at 56 from asbestos poisoning, shocking because he had a black belt in karate, did not smoke not drink, and was very fit indeed. I think it shook me up at the time as they went very quickly within the year.....

My dad was violent to my mum (was great with me) and me and my mother ended up fleeing from him at the tender age of 8. My mums always been there for me and is extremely strong and such an independent women who I look up too.

I don't know why on earth I would develop such a phobia about heart attacks, strokes, blood pressure as my choice of illnesses.
I continuously take note if people talk about someone who has had one, or if I found out someone has died from one it just adds to my belief.

My other grandad who is alive (mothers dad) suffers with cardiovascular disease and has high blood pressure, he is 80 years of age and looks good for it, so am convinced that that will be me, other things that run on my family are diabetes (well 2 of my uncles have this) and of course of I wee a lot I think maybe I have this illness now - great.

I would always seem to go the the DRs who has known me quite well (especially between the ages of 18-24), and would have a fear and be convinced I will have high blood pressure and would make a mental note of my 2 number readings so I could go home and google all about high blood pressure, my DR says its normal but I know it's not, he tells me that mine is always a little elevated but that's normal for someone with general anxiety, I say surely I will get high BP AS you do treat my grandad and know about this ailments, he says no there is nothing wrong with your heart, and your BP is fine co pared to all your other previous readings, I so my pulse is beating fast, about 130 and he reassures me that it's nothing to worry about, of course I am very clued up on health to know that the normal range should not exceed 100bpm and am not convinced!

I continue to ask my DR things like pins and needles is not normal, why would I experience them, is this not a sign of a stroke/heart attack, my left a always feels tight like I have a arm band around it, this can't be good surely is t this what happens when u have a heart attack, or maybe it's my blood pressure not being able to cope? Surely this is not normal? I ask him why I'm always tired, I go sleep tired and wake up tired, this can't be right is it my body going into pre illness or is something wrong and I am going to kill over for the fact of me having no energy?, why do I always feel dizzy, surely this is blood pressure related? Why do I always get a numb feeling on either side of my head and it feels like its sloping to one side (that of a stroke) why else would it be I ask???! I sometimes look in the mirror and am convinced my face shape is dropping :-(

I was fine and have been for the last 4 years and could easily reassure my friends etc who had panic attacks or would say they think they have something.... I would tell them to stop bring silly and reassure them so much that I would help them (I'm a great therapist but not to myself)

So back to I was fine 4 years ago:-

I planned a holiday with me and a girlfriend to go to Egypy, and of course on one hand was so excited about getting in the sun and enjoying myself, but a few days before going I picked up every fear in the book, become scared of flying, would think irrational thoughts in my head similar to claustrophobia, thinking I would be home sick, thinking what if what if what if.

It was the day before my holiday and I was exceptionally busy at work due to me trying to get everything possible done due toy absence, on the way to work I experienced really bad chest pains, as I someone was stabbing me and sitting on my chest I then went on to have a heavy/numbness feeling into left arm and hands, which did not go away. I rushed myself into A&E with my symptoms and we thinking I know they are thinking I'm having a heart attack\stroke - see I have been right all of these years!!! I had 3 Ecgs and of course after the 1st one I was convinced there was something wrong - why 3????! I was discharged 2 days after and missed my holiday :-( - I remember thinking NO my anxiety is not back no way!!!!

A year later planned another trip with my same friend, managed to make it there, and got very bad sun stroke for the 1st time in my life on the 3rd day! Was ill in bed and searched sunstroke: 'death' 'very dangerous' 'convulsion' it was horror for 4 days then took an early flight home telling people back home that there was a storm coming so we had to leave early :-/.
Got back home and had a very bad numbness in my head was convinced the sun had managed to skull my brain so went to the DRs and demanded a CT SCAN came back normal.

I now have a phobia about holidays, one part of me really wants to enjoy them but the other part of me ruins it all :-(

I also said to my DR I am scared to exercise (one of the things I want to do in order to even think about a future holiday) no doubt I will google the nearest hospital, as I do! I feel like of I exercise I will faint or collapse from my heart beating so fast, get cramp and pins and needles and chest pains etc etc etc.

I cannot believe this is back.

I am today sitting in the sun (which I the only thing that makes me feel happy at the moment and soothes me so much) with my left a feeling so different to the right, sometimes feel scare to move just in case '-anything happens'.
Went to a party last night and had too many Vinos and feely symptoms are really bad today, surely this is not anxiety alone?!

Wow I know this is long and thank you so much for taking the time to read, of course PMs are welcome.